A HANDY MAN.

Cromwell Argus, Volume I, Issue 47, 5 October 1870, Page 7

A HANDY MAN.

In tho year 18—, there resided in the North of England a gentleman who was known as Sir William Mara ton He'was one of those men who are cool and calculating—always looking before them. He had made all his money at ironworking, but after having got his title, he thought fit to sell out and retire. He accordingly chose a residence in Durham, and resided there for three years, when he determined to build a large mansion for himself ; and he consulted an architect, and the drawing and specifications were made out, tenders received, and the work proceeded with. Now, when this mansion was built, Sir William found that everyone was admiring it, and artists came and sketched it before the glass was in the windows. Everyone but Sir William himself declared it to be perfection. A very unpleasant idea had come into Sir William’s head. He intended to keep a good many valuables and money on the premises. Thus the question arose : Was it burglar-proof? The architect assured him it was ; the inspector of police said so too ; and he thought so himself, but he would like to be sure. The following advertisement accordingly appeared in some of the local papers a few days after the house was finished : “Notick to Burglars and Others.— Whereas Sir William Marston, having gone to great expense in the building of his new mansion. Fallow Hill, is desirous of ascertaining whether it be burglar-proof or not, and with that object, has placed in his writing-table drawer, in the office on the first floor, the sum of £SOO. And whoever shall, with the ordinary appliances of a burglar, contrive to abstract the said £SOO without being caught in the act, shall be permitted to enjoy tho same, on condition that he write to the said Sir William Marston, and fully inform him how he did succeed in abstracting the same ; and be it known, no steps shall be taken to recover the money or bring the offender to justice. But if the said burglar be caught, he shall be bound to state how he entered the premises, and how he proposed abstracting the money, and he shall then be permitted to depart. ” A week passed, and Sir William was getting in servants for his establishment, buying furniture, horses and carriages, and all the paraphernalia necessary for the comfort of a mansion. Still there came no answer to this extraordinary advertisement. At last a thought struck him: he put the advertisement in again, adding that “no extraordinary precautions would be taken to preserve the house from being broken into.” The next day Sir William was sitting in the small room adjoining his office, quietly reading a book, when the footman entered, and stood waiting till his master should speak. “ Well ?” at last he said, looking up. “ A man wanting to speak to you, sir. Says he believes you want a groom. He can groom, sir ; harness a horse, clean a carriage, fust-rate at gardening, rubbing up knives and forks, cleaning windows, in fact, sir, I assure you, by his own account, he is a very ‘ handy man.’ ” “ What sort of a man is he ?” “Decent enough, sir; tall, determined looking ; a kind o’ man as would knock dander out of you, sir, or could—” “ That will do ; show him in.” “He has a portmanteau, sir. Shall I take care of it? It might ” “ Less o’ your lip !” (Sir William was becoming the iron-founder again.) “ Show him in.” He was shown in, and began to run up his accomplishments, which seemed very suitable. He was just the sort of man he wanted, and Sir William began to think of clinching the bargain. While they were quibbling about terms, they were assailed by a strong smell of something burning, and a scream suddenly startled them. Upon hearing loud shouts of “ Fire !” Sir William and the man instantly rushed to the door ; but the man suddenly fell headlong on the floor, while Sir William darted off to the scene of the conflagration. Upon arriving in the hall, he found volumes of smoke coming from a cupboard under the stairs, and he immediately ordered in the little hand fire-engine kept in the kitchen (a thing no mansion should be without). He ran it up to the cupboard door, and seizing the hose in his left hand, he commenced to pump furiously with his right; and the little lever handle was almost invisible, with such speed did it go up and down. The footman kicked down the portmanteau that had been left in the hall, burst the cupboard door open, and then proceeded to drag to light a vast assortment of rags, brown paper, and damp straw, all of which made a terrible smoke, although no flame was visible. It was soon put out, and Sir William returned to his room. He found the door looked on the inside, upon his arrival ; but this did not startle him at first. He knocked, but he got no answer ; so, quietly stepping back along the passage (being a powerful man), he flung himself at the door, and it gave way with a crash. The room was empty. He looked everywhere, and found two things—viz,, that the window was wide open, and that his five hundred pounds was gone. He was mortified in the extreme. Had this man who wanted a situation taken his money ? If so, was it a plot to do so, or merely that, knowing there was money there, he had availed himself of the opportunity, and taken it ? He thought the latter. The man that was at the porter's lodge said that he saw a man come in the morning of the fire, with a portmanteau, and Icon afterwards

he saw him running towards the gate, eaying lie was going for the fire engines, so he let him pass. The next'morning Sir William received a letter by the post, which puzzled him not a little. It ran as follows : “ Sir, —Having seen your advertisement in the inviting burglars to break in and steal, I thought that as it was hardly to be called a crime, this housebreaking—being in fact, an out-of-the-way proof of the safety of your house—might with safety venture to show you that ‘ forcible’ entry is not the only way of robbing a house. And, moreover, as you specified so accurately where the rhino was, I determined to possess it. “ I accordingly took an old portmanteau, and filled it with some very smoky and inflammable, but not dangerous materials, and donning some old clothes, I proceeded to your mansion. “ As I had often visited it while it was building, I knew it well; and so, upon giving an elaborate message to the footman, I stayed in the hall while he delivered it; but I was not idle. I knew of the cupboard under the stairs, and immediately opening it (for the key was in it), I emptied my portmanteau, and lighted a match and applied it to the damp straw and the bhs of brown paper, and then I quietly closed the door and pocketed the key, knowing that it would be some time before the smoke would ooze through. “ I then palavered to your highness till the alarm was given, whereupon I pretended to trip and fall while running for the door ; hut picked myself up immediately, locked the door forced all the drawers of your writing table, pocketed 1 the money, and, lifting up the window, leaped on to the lawn—a good jump certainly, hut I ran off towards the gate. Here 1 was stopped. I pointed to the smoke coming through the hall door, said I was going for the engines, and then quietly returned home. It is my intention to indulge in a tour to the United States with the £SOO I procured by my ingenuity. Fray remember they are not all thieves that steal, and believe me yours truly, “ A Very Handy Man.” Sir "William never but any more advertisements in the paper, to say where his money was