Racetiæ.

Clutha Leader, Volume V, Issue 208, 5 July 1878, Page 3

Racetiæ.

" I once heard," says a writer in Trut'i, " the following refreshing remark from a mite of four years old, I had been compelled, having been injudiciously forestalled by a too zealous nurse, to explain to her the orthodox view of the ultimate fate of the wicked, and was watching rather nervously for some expression of incredulity or alarm, when turning to the cradle where her baby brother slept, the child exclaimed, pointing to the infant, " That's a bad job for him !"

Many mothers are either compelled to stay away from church or chapel or take their babies with them. In. order to hear a famous Methodist preacher a poor woman took her little one in her arms. The loud voice from the platform awoke the child and made it cry, and its mother got up and was leaving the hall, when the minister stopped her by saying*, " My good woman, don't go away ; the baby doesn't disturb me." " It isn't for that, sir, I leave," she replied, with perfect unconsciousness of sarcasm J " it's you disturb the baby." An American paper says — " They wear snow-ploughs for overshoes in the eighth ward. Nearly all the signs in Genesee Street were dug out before night yesterday. Nearly all the corner loafers have climbed to the top of the snow and resumed business. A man on Corn Hill, obliged by the deep snowto go home by the way of the chimney, got into water from entering the wrong house. If you see a dog's tail on the snow, don't pick it up ; the probability is that there will be a dog at the end of it, and he may object to jour familiarity; A merchant in Blannina Street, who worked all yesterday forenoon in cleaning his side-walk, was disgusted when he found- he had got down only to the v/ooden awning. A lone widow in Court Street complains that they have run a sleigh-road over her . house, and hoses are kicking her lightning-rod all to pieces."

Witticisms of the Late Sir George Rose— Lord Langdale, referring to the diminutive church of Langdale, said, " It is no bigger than this diningroom !" " No,-" replied Rose ; " and the living is not halt so good." Rose's spontaneous wit was best matched by Douglas Jerrol'd's. For example, a friend said, when overtaking him in the street, " I thought it was you walking so fast." " Ah, you know the rose by the stalk !" was the rejoinder. On a "friend's expressing pity for some undertakers' men on duty on a severe winter day — "Poor fellows," said the friend, " they must be frozen !" in his comment when introduced to two sisters, Mary and Louise— ,' Ay, Marie Louise, the sweetest pear I know."

Some time ago the Corporation of Ayr acquired some old property, upon which they resolved to erect new buildings. A bust of Wallace and Bruce formed the springers of the arch to. the main entrance, while the bust of John Knox formed the key. The sculptor had given the finishing touches to the beard of the preacher, when one of the Bailies passed up the street, and remarked that he thought the beard of Knox hung too much to the one side. "Dear me, Bailie," said the sculptor, " div you no see the win's blawin ; doun the street ?" « Oh, so it is !" replied the Bailie, a new light breaking in upon him. " I wis shure there was something o't ;" and he walked away quite satisfied with the answer.

A West-end jeweller the other dayendeavoured to tempt a gentleman to buy a piece of old-tashioned silver, and declared that it had been discovered in a particular field near a certain town. "Will you certify, that in writing ?" asked the gentlttman. «' Certainly ,sir," ; replied the tradesman. "Do so, and I will take the flago^%;The tradejstiian •'';'' wrote out and handed ,,'to him the required; " certificate, whereupon- the custome^ '■?< pocketed certificate and flagon too-ethfir,;, ■saying, " Thank, you. I an^lor^ «£j i that manor. lam glad 'to receife^in^^ dues^ ! '•--:;:- B ./V^^^^fjf 3