SIMPLE SIMON, M.A., Esq

Clutha Leader, Volume IV, Issue 160, 3 August 1877, Page 7

SIMPLE SIMON, M.A., Esq

<7His Experiences and Reflections. * — ■ Chap. IV. 'SIMPLE SIMON", ESQ, M.A., GOES TO A SEPARATION LECTURE AND IS DEEPLY IMPRESSED BY WHAT HE HEARS. There is deep down in my inner consciousness a profound conviction that I am fitted and fated to become a great politician. I cannot go back to the time when this belief did not exist. The philosophic friends to whom I have opened my mind on this matter are delighted, for every one ot them looks •upon it as a proof of bis own particular theory, and this convinces me more and more of the fact that I am destined to occupy a high place. In my experience it would seem that what were thought to be contradictions are focused and explained, and so I unite in my own pprson a many-sided view of human nature, Some of these friends aro convinced that the aforesaid conviction of mine is an innate idea antecedent to all other things known to me, and they say it ought to be placed in the same category as ideas of time and space, &c. Others again see in this a proof of the •experimental philosophy, and assert that it is the outcome of that evident desire to dominate which I possessed as a baby, and to which I referred in Chapter I. Others again see in it a proof of heredity, which as they say explains all things in the life and movements of all animals, •even as the nebular hypothesis explains the manufacture of worlds and all physical movements. And they declare that I must have had for a remote ancestor an ant, for it is now known that ants rule over animals lower than themselves, and keep them as man keeps cows. This feeling of conscious destiny to rule, thpy say is the outcome of numerous generations of rule-bearing forebears. I've been led to digress, but, gentle Teader, the importance of the subject will, I trust, be a sufficient excuse. It is introduced to show how it is that I ' was ready to go to any place where •politics were to be discussed. In consequence of an intimation in the newspapers of a Separation lecture, purporting to be given by a most eloqu3nt lecturer, who had never before spoken in public, at a considerable sacrifice of convenience I determined to go, if by any means I might learn anything new. At the appointed hour I wont to the "place intimated; and, alas for the intelligence and appreciation of my countrymen, there were not more than about -forty ladies and gentlemen present. Said I to myself, Had this been something of less importance, had it been a fancy ball, or a dog fight, how much greater would have been the interest. I consoled myself, howeve,., with the re--flection that the cream of the Dunedin intellect was present, that at any rate the lecturer would have one appreciative hearer. Precisely at half-past seven •o'clock the chairman took his seat, supported on the light by the speaker. As usual, the chairman got up to introduce the lion of the evening, I am, said he, proud of my position to-night. You •all know me — (Cries of "yes, yes, that's a fact.") — you all know me, the people's friend. From the extremity of the 'earth I came, in Ultimate Thule I -opened my eyes to the light of heaven on a raw December morning — (a shivering seized the audience). I grew up in pristine innocence, never having heard whispered even the name of politics until I came to this good land of milk and honey. I soon saw how much depends on the study of this noble science, : and so I set to work, and behold the 'result before your eyes to-night, a man "dofhed with legislative honours, and called to preside here. Gentlemen and ladies, polities is a noble study. A •great orator once replied, when asked wherein lay success in oratory, action, action, action. In like manner I reply that success in life depends on politics, politics, politics. Medical gentlemen here to-night know how important it is to have a good anatomical knowledge ; they know that there are ganglia or centres of nerve force that enable a body to live in a sort of way for a time -even when the "brain is taken away ; -so is it in the body politic, it may exist without brains, hut it is only for a time. Political ganglia, as the politician well knows, may deceive the simple into the "belief that all is well, when all is ill. Physiologists know that all force is one ; that the old idea of vital principle is •exploded — to wit, that supposed power under control of which a man was supposed to grow up a man rather than a tree or a fish, it is well known that in the advanced school of thought there is no vital principle. So, say I, analogically, there is no political principle. Mark my words, gentlemen, the idea that such a principle existed has been a Jonah aboard the State craft, and the ■sooner it is thrown over the better. — (Cries of question.) I'll come to that 'directly. Gentlemen, freedom is a consciousness of the absence of restraint. I postulate this as an axiom of the experimental school of thought. Into tho genesis of this wide-spread subjective feeling 1 cannot go with any high degree of elaborative analysis. The representative faculty in each of you is quite strong enough to bring up before you, individually, the self-evident character of the definition which I have given of "freedom. Tyrants have even made fatal mistakes in acting as if man did not •love freedom. Look back as far as the .'-■eelescope of history can take you, and

with eager vision you scan the nebulous centres of long buried ages — ages in which men struggled mightily with their environments — ages in which they had hardly emerged from horns, and ' hair, and hoofs, and tails— and what do | you see ? In all things a struggle for existence, which is synonymous with a . struggle for freedom. This aspiration, gentlemen, is confined to no age or , colour or race of man. Hannibal was . black, and yet his father made him, upon the altar, swear eternal hostility to Rome, ancl why? Was it not this same love of freedom ? Wherefore, then, should we not all be Harailcars, and take our sons and daughters, our wives and sweethearts, yea our very cattle, to the altar and make them swear death and destruction to the northern tyrants 1 What stirred the fierce hearts of Nana Sahib, Te Kooti, Tito Kowaru, and many other noble, though savage patriots ? What caused Samson, with the jawbone of an ass, as J myself have done, kill so many men ? or Shamgar with his ox goad 1 Wherefore died the 300 at Ther moph ale defending Turkey against a united Germany, armed with the needlegun? What caused the mighty Duke, who has given his name to a pair of boots, to crush the power of France at Waterloo 1 A tiny spark can set this noble fuel of our nature all ablaze, 5 even when it appears to be well nigh gone. Was it not a spider, my countrymen, that said — yes, in a mysterious language — said to Bruce, try again, remember Bannockbuim. — (Great and prolonged applause.) Gentlemen, — your discernment does you credit. I hardly deserve such an enthusiastic reception. I beg to introduce the distinguished lecturer. Thereupon uprose the hero of the evening, and with a peculiar motion of translation advanced his body to the reading-desk. The sideling motion of the speaker impressed me in his favour, as it is a pet theory of mine that all great men are peculiar. Suddenly I started, hearing an unearthly -like squeak, resembling, as near as comparison is available, a guinea pig, and my agitation did not subside until I perceived that it was caused by the speaker's voice. He said — Gentlemen, — After the stirring speech to which you have listened, it would only spoil the impression produced were I to detain you, the more so as the thoughts whicli I purposed to inspire you with have been produced. I may say, however, gentlemen, that you see before you to-night no ordinary man. Behold before you to-night the first editor, yes, the first editor; in fact, the projector of the "Timbuctoo Primordial Slime Slasher," known wherever the waves of progress have dashed upon the shores where men have lived. I've been grossly misrepresented and held up to scorn by an ignorant press envious of my fame. Some have even dared to suggest that I should read over the commandments, as if the ten commandments were not dead and buried Ion*? ago. Bnt, gentlemen, tais is the fate of all great reformers; noble minds must bear with scorn ; it is left for later age-*, to do honour to their memory. And when this toil-worn brain, weary frame of mine is beyond the reach of calumny, f shall be remembered with gratitude. Why do I advocate Separation ? Just on the ground that every husband should get rid of the wife that does not please him. Why should he be saddled with an inconvenience all his or her daj-s ? Or again, just as a fortunate should rid himself of an unfortunate friend. Or as a great authority in this country says, the strong should get rid of the weak and worthless. We are better off than the North. Why should our money be taken from us 1 Why should they make railways, and build bridges, and pay teachers with our funds 1 If they want to share our good things let them sell out and come down to the Middle Island. Gentlemen, I believe in the " bursting-up *" policy ; everything should be divided, and every man get penny about. Did not the great Owen introduce this system wisely and well ? Had nor the first Christians a common purse ? Why should it not be so now '? This, gentlemen, is the key note of the nineteenth century, but never till Separation is effected can it be realised here. Stike then, boldly ; strike once for all for freedom. Nature itself has set bounds to our States here. Had the idea of nature been that Otago, Canterbury, Wellington, &c, should be one, it would never have caused a sea to run between them. Even there, as nature fought for Sisera, so it fights for you, so up and possess the land. Shall ye any longer bow your necks to the | Northern yoke ? Perish the thought. 11 The hour and the man have come." Long has the harvestbeen ripening, rich clusters of Separation fruit, rivalling the grapes of Eschol, are ready to beplucked; put out your hands ancl eat and live, as freemen brave should do. Ours is a noble land. We have clay for bricks innumerable ; oceans of sand in ages to come, capable of being formed into sandstone; lofty mountains of micacious schist, capable of being washed down into rich alluvial plains, on which generations yet unborn may grow golden grain. And shall we not hold this as our own ? Yes, I know what you would answer. Send, therefore, your M,H.R.'s pledged to restore you the freedom so cruelly wrenched from you by the Abolition Act. The speaker ceased. A solemn awe fell upon the audience as it rose to depart, and a few minutes later we were in outer physical

darkness, as dense as that which I regret to record seemed to envelop the lecturer's mind. In fairness, however, it should be added that it afterwards appeared he had put the wrong MSS. into his pocket before leaving for tho meeting ; he promises, however, to take better care the next time, but I do not intend to go to the next lecture unless by special invitation.