Facetiæ.

Clutha Leader, Volume II, Issue 85, 24 February 1876, Page 3

Facetiæ.

"A little nonsense" now and then, Is relished; by .tbe widest jnefi?''. ; Autumn leaves — when winter comes. The rag-gatherers' trade is picking up.

-Noses are 'fashionable;, and have always been followed.' ; - M;en who fish 7or compliments don't care, how dirty the water is. Which is the best way to keep a woman's Jqve ? ? Never .return i,t. ... A; rail ivay. con tractor tried to take a ride on a " train of thought," and falling off, wasrun.oyer.by i " passing event."

An old gamekeeper says, that without the deer ladies we should be a stag' nation. , , , : Tb.e last new word-ushertl into the world; by some Transatjant"ie lexicpgra-f pher, is " nuptuated," for " man-ied "* ' Jerrold was at; a party: when the park, guns announced the birth of a prince.' " How. they do, powder, ;the.se babies !? he exclaimed

The,r.e. is ( advifce enough, now laying around loose to run three such worlds as this. What we are suffering ;mp,st. for is some more good example.— Josh" Billings. A; lazy chap Was laying in bed one' morning, when a man, stepping in," said;* " Joe, breakfast is coniing 1 . on." — .".Let,it come," exclaimed He; with "a look^ofc defiance. "I'm not afraid of it." Some one wrote to. Horace QrbeTey' inquiring if guano was good to put ; on potatoes. He said it might do for those tastes who had become vitiated with tobacco and . rudij • but' he preferred gravy and butter. ""•■-,: : > Dancing: taught in one lesson. — Drink a bottle of Scotch whisky, and you will hejable, without any rui'ther instruction, toperform a : Scotch./ rsel. _ The questipQ> which is, jjuts t ( nQW most 'rife! on the "United' States Western frontier is, w ßo:the Indians w^Q^pnsta4tly scour 'the plains use'soaji ?"!;! In chemistry the w.ay.to separate two bodies is to introduce a ;> third. The samje ;holds true^jn, other departments. To increase the distance between a paii 1 of lovers, a]l. thats required is to let WiJlie walk into the ba J 6k parlor, with a lighted candle in .his. hand. " Ticket, siiv" said a Yankee" Railroad conductor, passing through one of the trams t^e other day, to. passenger^ — . *' My face is my l ticket^' thY other, a little vexed.—," Indeed," said the; conductor, rolling ba'cli his wristband and displaying a bunch of fives ; " well, my orders are to punch all tickets passing, over this road." . Jones says young Yen get tight.by'solacing themselves with the "ardent,'* but the youn'gladiesget tight by so-lac-ing in a- different manner, . Of corsetsf SO.' ' '-. ■ 'i. ■ i <) .'■ ■_ '!

""•' Oh, sir, if it comes, to that," said a young lady who bad stumbled, as her companion grasped her hand to prevent 'her falling— "if it conieV-to that, you must ask papa." . Neyer^marry a ma m , unfil. you, have seen him eat. Let the candidate for your hand< ladies, pass through the ordeal of eating soft boiled eggs. Jf he can do it and leave the tablecloth, and napkin, and his shirt unspotted, take ; him. Try him next with a spare-rib. If he acomplishes this feat without puting out one of his" eyes, 6V jiitchiug'th'e bodies into yopr^lap.ruame: the~ wedding day at" once— be will'clo'tx) tie, to.;. The Hartfdrdkor^e.dats.in the winter present such a ridiculous appearance < wij^-thejt canvas cqvers_that once were :twhite, but, now, are jofjaii; indefinable character., that the following dialogue Jsee'mes very natural V Passenger who Tfrho wants, to get aboard-j-^Noab, stop your airkv' r Noah probably felt a little indignant and did ho : t stop. Again he sa|d : : "Noah, stop, your .ark." Finally Noah held up with the answer, " Come nurry 'up—tfie amm'alsare\ all in" except '?'" 'the jackass.", A : 'Detr6il:er of liberal educuatidn 'Has bepn-greately. annpy^d; because his. wife.: -. and other women are not better posted" on history and .othe^p^tters ;con.neQted[;; wijth the growth or welfare of the couti'try. " The ' 'otner • cTa\£ h^-darriei •'•'■ holme a big history, and "handed it p r his spouse with the remark, " ThereV Mary, I want^ou tpjconimence-,at.'page v bn;e,and see if you can't leaVn"sometuijQ|/:^ She agreed to become his pupil, and when he came' honYe' to sup ; per newfound ;he;r reading away, hair ctown,. slippers on, all the fires out .but, one, and no sign of supper. « Wfiy; KowVWiis ?" he inquired. " Are you:sick?;',; : "Sick' ! i^o" ".Well, Where's my supper V -if/l ddn't kftow anything^aboufr. your r sup« p<p," she replied, as she settled'. bactein' her chair, "but.lean tell you all about the nrst n 'discoveVy df as a string." That history hasnVbeW openedisin&e.that: evening.. ••. ; > r.,rt--