Faeetix.

Clutha Leader, Volume II, Issue 68, 28 October 1875, Page 7

Fa eeti x.

/,. Is relished by.-jthe wisest men.7. ' ;i *J •; Bed used jon a railway !signifies; dan^ : ger, and means -stop, tit is the same thing displayed ,pn; a "man's nose. A Neyada,;[iriafi,;. ;Whp., had seven homely; daughtersi ; got . a newspaper , to insert a hint " that : he had- seven keo-s filled with gold. in- his cejlar, and every girl : was marked in fi^e "ntpnths... . .. . , The' proportion pf I^6:^^^' among the insariri is : T sihaller i than' ithal^K the unmarried. • AOi course. ; No ; : mlfeded map can' affprtl the c luxury .p r f I in'sari-fry-i To dodge; fire-- sl^oyejs. arid -daWbrisf iA man , wants-. all his wits about him .(

In Sputh Carolina a colored preacher puts his foot on -eipes.sive'*.|br^bery. at elections and' crushes.it. ' . " Dis ting;" he says, ;";pbgittin one 'hundred-dollars for a vote isalLwrorig j ten- dollars is as much as it is wprf !"" ;.. Ay. / . A country, cbinriiissipPer iri tlia'western, part of .Mpine, f ein inviting some i lawyers tb irisp'ecCthV'neV court-house quoted the^s.olejpQLn jin.es.; of Dr. Watts : , "Ye fciqners Jroi:*^3K*?d|lae l view : tK*5 grbuna- : Where you will- shortly lip.-? „ >*„ . *.* An* old .bachelor*, -upon reading, tnat "twp lovers will sit. vp | haif tiie night with one chair in the room,'-* said, ": Loving . must, be inconvenient,. for it could. not be done unless one of them : sat on the floor."

. A girl iri Httsfield jw'a-i struck, dumb ; by the firing of .a cannon. A number' of married men have in consequence' invited the artillery conlpanies to' prac- - tise near their resideflces, •• - j

'■ ■ Ah. old"; lady ;;-ip' Npw; York particularly desired that acerfe'iri cushion onj which. . sh-^ sat . in , church, shouldi :bel buried vvith her,; and;, as there was adifiiculty in getting „i t .into her coflin,! it way .proposed to put it, when several' thousand dollars in ..greenbacks were' found inside. ..

A M'ilwattkie; ; chap kissed, his girl about forty times right straight .along,' apd when he stopped, the ; .tears into her eyes, and-sheJsaid ihasadttpne of voice, " Ah, John !T; fear. you hav^ ceased to r love me." "No,; I haven't,'; replied John, " but I must breathe.' 1 , The Detroit 'Free Press' teli&abriut an urchin who .was seated on the Posi Office steps; of that city, : going .through , a watfir;melpn-, when ;a man ; halted and asked> ,( This is a great-town -.-f<9 brigs', isn't it, boy ? * .'.< Wall, no,'-! drawled the lad, as he. .filled bis mouth again^ and kept his, eyes -on the man. " You'll be awful lonesome here." Perhaps the- bfest^ specimen of open • wit now in circulation is • that' ; of the London cabman's 1 retort to the head ojf the Highland clan; Mackintosh; "Do y oil kndw who , I am T' asked the haughty Highlander ,pf; a cabman i at**. tempting as Mackintosh thought * «to overcharge him, " , " 1 don't care,",. said thte cjifaby,'; "if you were the umbrella,! mean to have ;iny fare.*' • ......; - -„' •■.-... -. . . A .complimentary watchmaker arif)' ;sherifrsriys :jf You can stop a dock at any moineht' but you /cannot s&rp a watch. The sSm-e' rpmarlc applies to the stopping the talk of a man and of a tfoman. He is a -great, . coarse, s Ugly, machine, but you can.silence him. She is a beautiful . fragile, jewelled thing-f---but she will run on until she stops of herself." An exchange gives this eulogy pronounced oyerjthe coffin of a deceased Tennesseean : " Thar lays a man,\v:bp'd give his last chaw of terbacker toja starvin' stranger, arid then pay him for spiUin." A great and good man, certainly. . At a certain college the . senior 7 class w-ajL yj^®?__.-???*^.?Mi°? f° T degrees.. The professor of natural phpo^pphyveas badgering in optics, and the point tinder iHustration-jwas that, strictly and scientifically* speMiri'^we- see ! ho objects, but their images' depicted on the retina;: In order toimakeLtbe'inatfjer plainer, the^prpfesspr asked the wag ] of the class* tC Mr Jacksoii, -toyou e^er actually see your father ?" " No, sir," •was' the proriipt reply. ;" Ple&se-to explain why you^neyer f: saw y.our, fathej:" " Because/, said , „Mr, Jackson, very "He diecl before 1 was born, sir!" _; _ : ';_ .""''.' , ,-„. A stbryfe circulating which tells how a fair young lady went to a drug store .and tpj'al the* rt^ a dose' of castor oil, and* to mix it with something fo take tiie. taste away. . .The; man tcld; her tp;TO^.w : ..ln J a : (e*^;n^om*ents|he asked her j£ she, fejtliljce, taking; a. |*lass of socla water. She accepted tjie" iniyi:tation a. nd A d.rank t , ,the Abe vera l^ :ljgersently she/ask^.ffi^ w,by 'he did riot' glye her t^e-p^stot oil. Tfhe man smiled A* A ttiump&an t' s"riiiie; ' rind said, " Macfara", yoii' liaVe -'^Sfi'/jtj II . mixed afearfuLdosflL.^wlfch _that.\soaa.'\* She turned pale;;. she sank into a'dhaif;" she gasped, " Immortal Jo vS4 -ft was for my mother^ ;fm going to a ball