HANK'S GRIZZLY.

Press, Volume LX, Issue 11502, 7 February 1903, Page 9

HANK'S GRIZZLY.

Bt Harry lar_«« Orkkxe. Hank, the guide, peeped into the coffee mi and then sat down on a log to await the boiling. "The queerest reptyle ever I met," he slid, "was up in Utah. Drifted into Whisky Ike's parlour one evenin', and feelin' pretty good, shot a few holes Ihrough the ceilin', not meanin' no harm. Bimeby down comes a little feller yrith nothin' on but his pants, shirt and speciick.es and looks mo over. He yvas a funny-lookin' critter, crook-eyed, long body and short legs, like one of tliem—what do you call them dogs, Clawed, what they bring up under a bureau so their legs can't grow?" "Dachshunds."

"Yes, I reckon them's it. His legs yvas so short that when he stood up his feet just touched the floor and that's all. Pretty soon he says, T must insist that you cease shooting through my bedroom. It is very annoying, and if you do so any more I will be compelled to take the law into my own hands.'

"'How so?' I asks, curious enough. Well, he goes down in, his pocket and fishes around for a spell like he had lost somethin', and finally digs up a little pee wee, putty shootin' weppin about the size of a cigarette and holds it out in front of him like a woman huts up a dead rat by the tail. 1 shall shoot bock,' says he frownin'. "For a minute I was knocked speechless, then I come to slowly. 'Of all the sawed.off, hammered-down, nail-bitin', deathbreathin', roarin', tearin' bullies ever I seen you are the wust,' I says, and turns away. But the next mornin', as I was settin' specultttin' on the hereafter, up conies this same little banty and hires me to take him into the hills. Come to find out h« was a __at'raiist, one of them fellers that is alwap sticking their noses into the private ht-sloeai of toads and reptyles to find out what.they are doin' when they are home tad in the buzzums of their families. Well, *we outfitted in a way that would make a palis diniu'-car look like a lunch counter •ltd struck out, and immediately that feller oommenced to get. busy. Every time he would see a danged beetle a-crawlin' along the trail he wanted to get off his cayuse •od foller him home. Durndest fool.

"About a week afterwards I seen that we hod jumped the claim of an old grizzly. First I noticed where he had wallered and then rubbed up against a rampike and ahi-thed it with his claws—settin' his trade-mark on it, on' stakin out his claim to that range. I didn't say nothin', but at last the dude seen it himself, and blame mo if he did'nt know what it meant i—never was so surprised in my life. He got interested at once, buzzin' around here and there like a fly on a free lunch. Said he wanted to take a picture of him with the little box he had .lacked on his back ; wonted to foller 'him up and take his fotygraf at clus range. I told him nothin' would moke me more happier; that I dearly loved to set down beside a grizzly and swap news with him—kind of. a fad o' mine—but that I always waited until a circus oome along before gratify in' my hanJcetrin'. "'Oh, sugar! they won't hurt you,' he answered. 'Don't be afraid. I have read oil about beam in books and they ain't dangerous.' "'That's all right, tao, but suppose hd happens to be a gum chune bear? I aaked. "'A what?' sava he. "'A gum chune bear. JSever heard of one? I am surprised that you didn't read about them in your joarafy. A gum chune boar is a grouchy old bach, or maybe a d-tfripintid old maid, v,hat gets down on ■ajßiely and longs to wipe it out. He noses "around until he gets a big wad of Xice gam and he chaws on that day r day to strengthen his jaws. When he gets so he can chaw a crowbar off first Shot out of th* box, then he goes o-wooin' trouble. Better go a little careful with tins, bear, pord. He might be a gum antnel' ■Well, instead of scarin' the little -teeter, that only made him as anxious to ipy the brute. 'I should dearly love ter tee- a gum chune that I might inspect lm ttULSillaxiee,' says he, whatever then, might he. I didn't say no more, but I thought If a little, half-growed son of a microbe like him dost stay in the same county with a grizzly, a fuli-growed main like yer Uncle Hank ought not to be afraid to walk up to one and pull his whiskers out. Well, we camped there, and sure enough a -wiple of days after I run into the tracks again, smokin' hot, so I hops back right lively to camp. "The nat'rulist was backed up against a tret- with a pair of blinders on. Said b* was ex-urni-in' the hairs on the legs of a gkeeter to see whait tribe he belonged to, tat when I told him I hod rounded up his game he dropped the inseck sudden. -When, is ho?' asks the little man. " 'About half a mile up the gully yonder. Better straddle along right peart, because I didn't tie him none too fast,' says I. *

" Certain, to be sure. Had I best take «ry weppin?' he says. "'As you please,' says I. 'But I wouldn't ■Jdviae you to peck at him overmuch with it. If you ever hit a pore bear with that i>-»oe of ordinance, there wouldn't be enough left of him to pick up on the pint of t a pin and eatamin' fnrough that magBtfyin' machine of yourn.* But he fetches it along just the same, and pretty soon we come to the tracks, which same were about the size of a washtub. The perfesser takes off his glasses and polishes them a bit, then dnciies up his leather and takes to the trail. "Here, you galoot!' I yells. 'It don't make no difference to me which way ire go, but if you foller them that way long enough you will come to the place where your bear was borned. You have got the back track, pardner.'

"'Ah, I see," said the perfafeer, rubbin' nis chin. "Mebby you are right. We'll try the oppeitate wav first." He turned around awl nosed off in .other direction, bin. a lookin' at the trail and me guardin' the rear and lookin' at ererything else. Then all at once I seen the critter we were a-peekin' for. His nose was p_ntcd towards us, hia head hangin' low and swingin', and his mouth full pf the prettiest teeth ever I looked at. The fSJ nat'ralist was bendin' over the trail, and I reckon ho would have run plumb into to-her's mouth and: disappeared forevermore. if I hadnt ketched him by the part that was handiest and yanked him back. 'There's your blame chipmunk,' says I. 'Ain't he just lovely?' "'Magnificent. The Ursus horribilus >. hem native wild. What a pictur to show Dr. Dodo down east!' says the perfesser. He uncinched his cautery and con_menced to sneak up closer, savin' soothin' like, 'so bear, good bear,' as he perceeded. Pretty quick old Eph skinned his lip and coramenced to cuss and rumble down in his insidee* and I let out a holler. 'Better take your fotygraf and back-water strong. 'cause there's goin' to be strange doins' almost im-nediaie, mister.' I sings, and I hadn't got the words out of my mouth before he gives a 'woof and comes for us like a steam enjine. I had been expectm' the tome all along, and the good Lord hod caused me to stop under a limb that I oould just jump up and grab handy; so up I goes, and no sooner had I got on the grond«Uad than the percession passed along. '"First came the pertesser, end it was ana-tin' to gaze upon the way that stublegged dude could stampede when he once got interested. Under the limb he went to fast that. I could hear him whiz, his legs goin' like the drive-wheels of a locomotive on a slippery track. And as he went be was savin' to himself, 'Run,; you little -baL Sow **otfira'aiaiHait.^

you?' like he was sort of findon' fault with himself for somethin*.

•'I yanked out my 44 Army as the bear came -tt-oxtin' by and let him "have a couple in the shoulder. He went heels over appertito, but was up in a second and fairly bustin' his suspenders to make up for lost time. Not havin' anything particular to do, I dropped down and trailed along after him, thinkin' if I could grab the bear by the. tail niebby I could hold him back .*> couple of minutes, by which time I figured the perfesser would be back in Boston. But though I straddled along uncommon active, seedn' as how I have got a spavin and a couple of ringbones, I soon seen I was like a mud turtle a-chasin' a rabbit. Than I remembered when I was a kid at Bchool I heard the teracher say that the hvpotb-*r-n-Oose of a somethin' wan the shortest distance between two pints, and, btarin' that in mind I cut across lots, figurin' on headin' them off.

"Weil, I made it, and arrove farst in a clus finish. The little man was stilLgoin* as fast as former, puffiin' and blowin' most tremenjous. When he seen me a look of genooine joy perched cm his features, and he changed his course and come a-sailin' by within two feet, disappearin' with a whiftlin' sound. But at the same time tho grizzly side-stepped, too, and ccme straight for me. ears laid back, mouth open, breathin' fire. "Some felleia* yvould have got right down on their benders and prayed, but I only girded up my 10-tis and sayin' 'deliver us from evil right earnest, hopped over a tree trunk and skedaddled down the hill somethin' wonderful. Next minit T hears somethin' go 'pop,' and takes a peep ovtir my shoulder, and what do you suppose I seen? Nothin' but old Eph stretched out deader'n a herrin' and the little runt of a pe-rfeeser settin' u-straddie of him and examinm' his jaws. 'Genooine silvertip grizzly,' lie says when I come up. 'Puffick specimen.' Then he looks up at me and says, 'Where was you goin'?' " 'Nowhere much,' says I. 'Just travel-in' around and admirin' the scenery.'

'Must have seen a lot considerin' the time you was travellin', he answers with a funny grin.

" 'Yea. quite a chunk. How did you d> it?' I asks, full of wonder.

'Oh, I just got behind a tree and shot hLm in the ey© with my weppin as he come along. See!' He pinted at the bear's eye with his bean shooter, and you can skin" me and hang my pelt on the cabin wall if he hadn't done it slick and clean; somethin' no mortal man ever done before or since, with suc_i a weppin and a bear goin' at full jump. I couldn't say a word; couldn't even cues—showin' how bad I felt. I just set down on a log and weeped..

"But mat wasn't the worst of it. That night he developed hi* pictur and the next day showed it to me. It was the most hair-raisin fotygraf of a grizzly a oomin' head on that was ever took by a human bein'. That will tickle Dr. Dodo most to death,' says tlie little bear-killer.

" 'Pardner,' says I, holdin' out my hand, '1 hired out to you as a guide, but I can't earn the money. Hereafter I will cook for you and wash your feet, but you are the guide, bear-tighter, and roarin' bully of this outfit. When Igo back to town I am goin' to quit guidin' and learn fancy sewin'.'" Hank stirred up the pot with a pine stick. "Pull up your rockin' cheers, fellers. Coffee's Mian'."