IS MARRIAGE JUST HUMDRUM EXISTENCE WITHOUT HAPPINESS?

Bay of Plenty Beacon, Volume 12, Issue 84, 20 August 1948, Page 7

IS MARRIAGE JUST HUMDRUM EXISTENCE WITHOUT HAPPINESS?

(Contributed by the Ministers' Association) At Timaru's "Home and Family Week," the Rev. D. F. McKenzie was reported as saying, among many wise and useful things, that "in spite of material prosperity, New Zealand has a high divorce rate and most marriages are humdrum existences, without great happiness or inspiration." One of the difficulties, said the Rev. Mackenzie, was the way in which young persons were bemused by a wrong emphasis on the thing called "love," due to such social influences as popular songs, films and novels, which were an insult to the intelligence. ... In spite of their own experience, few had the courage to give instruction to those conttmplating marriage, and adopted an inexplicable "hole in the corner" attitude to sex, probably the strongest driving force in human personality. Schools and churches evaded the issue. Another problem which could be overcome by education was in facing the loss of personal liberty which followed marriage. Many of us know a fair number of divorced or separated people but, thinking over Mr Mckenzie's statement, may feel it unfair to suggest that their unhappiness and failure indicates that the still-continuing marriages of our other friends are r.ot successful and happy. Feeling this way myself, says a southern writer, I began a round of random calls to find out. Over the counter I asked the head of a mercery business how he liked being married. His face lit up. "There's nothing like it," and he grinned. "But I guess I'm a bit too proud of my family. Anyway, I feel sorry for anyone who hasn't one." Now for a woman. At her suburban home a welcome cup of tea was awaiting me in the kitchen where she was ironing. A nice blazing, fire, too! "Marriage means great happiness for me" smiled this wife and mother. "It also means balance—and discrimination. There are influences pulling one from all directions and one has to decide how much attention belongs to husband, to children and to various outside activities. These pulling powers keep the mind turned outward, so that there is little time to be taken upon analysing one's own feelings. "Those whose marriages are humdrum evidently have their thoughts turned inward on themselves," she went on after a pause, "which is self-pitying and selfish. If people find marriage hum-drum, then all I can say is that they would probably find anything else hum-drum! They would do better to set about changing themselves rather than their marriage licences!" The next family was packing their caravan. Mum, Dad, and 'three youngsters setting off to spend the school holidays down south. Mum says no, definitely her marriage is far too full of interest and looking after family to be hum-drum. "My only complaint is that there are so many things around- us, to enjoy in life that we can't cope with them all." Both mother and father had a kind, calm. look in their eyes. Despite the children's noise, there seemed to be a Presence of peace in that apartment house. And what union could ever be hum-drum, or have lacked in the two more restless and driving emotions—great happiness and inspiration—if peace, most precious of all the gifts of life and love, has flowered?