K.L.I.P.

Bay of Plenty Beacon, Volume 10, Issue 43, 30 October 1946, Page 6

K.L.I.P.

STRANGE SYMBOLIC SLOGAN

THIS WAS THE CHARTER

(By Yoo-Hoo)

(N.B. All characters depicted in this work of art with the exception of Yoo Ges Hoo (full title) are entirely without meaning and any likeness to anyone else is entirely without malice excepting where they be our enemies).

(N. 8.8. Yoo Hoo has a passion for seeing his name in print. Thus he invariably writes his stories in the present tense in order to introduce his favourite signature as often as possible. Ed.) The night is bright with the twinkling of stars, the glow of the moon, and the blazing of Borough street lamps. Not a soul is in sight. Peace reigns, King George reigns; apart from this there is no rain whatsoever.

Sudenly the ear shattering strains of a brass band with bagpipes included send the air currents into a turmoil. Several of the street lights go out, but they are unnoticed, for the next moment a brilliant arc of light appears round the corner of Pohutoroa Rock, and almost immediately the Strand verandah posts buckle outward, as they meet the full blast of the music accompanying the light. Then, and only then would a wandering night owl note the cause of the disturbance. The band is formed of seven figures in cloaks and hoods, each with a hurricane lantern strapped to.his belt. A figure in the rear dressed in a hood and a dressing gown strains at a set of 'bagpipes. Immediately in front of him is a cowled object pomping away on a double B flat base. Beside him is another blasting on a B flat cornet; and immediately in front of him is none other than Yoo Hoo with a Very flat cornet. Three others share the same slide trombone, whilst five paces in front marches a strapping figure bearing a nameless banner. At the shouted order of the leader (for he can be none other) followed by six blasts on a whistle the group halts.

"We," says the leader producing a folding soap box from his hip pocket and mounting same, "are the local branch of the Labour Party. It is indeed unfortunate that our opponents are holding a meeting tonight as well, and therefore are using the cavern. They have, however, agreed to go fifty-fifty and let us have the cloaks and hoods." "What about mine?" says Dressing Gown. "Shut up," says the leader. "We can't afford to buy one just now. You'll have to wait till the sales, tax comes off."

Dressing Gown looks hopelessly despondent. "To continue," says the leader. "Tonight we meet under the friendly shadow of Pohutoroa to discuss a weighty problem." "How much overtime do we get?" says Dressing Gown. "None growls' the leader. This is for the good of the party." "What about dirt money?" "You're not dirty enough yet," returns the leader.

"Now then," he continues. "What we have to 'decide tonight is what we are going to put on our banner. We want something terse, but at. the same time it must be dramatic, mystifying, exciting, gay, but above all, nobody but we must know what it really means. We must have a slogan at all' costs." "What about W.W.0.J.8.?" says a cloak in the front row. "What might that, stand for?" says the leader. "We Want Our Jobs Back." "No, that's to blatant. Besides, how do'you know they do?" ' "I would if I was there," says Dressing Gown. "Then how about W.D.W.0.J.8." suggests the first cloak again. "I give up," says the leader. "We Don't Want Our Jobs Back." "Grrh-grrh," snarls the leader. "Haven't any of you got any good ideas?" "Let's go home," says Dressing Gown. "I'm getting cold." "Go on then," says the leader. Dressing Gown ambles off down Commerce Street. "What about K.L.1.P.?" volunteers come an object of suspicion by his come an object of suspicion bl his silence. "What's that mean?" asks the leader. "Kintus LompUs Invictus Popicus," says Yoo-Hoo. "It's Latin." "Is that so," says the leader pulling a Latin-English dictionary from his pocket. "Strange, I don't seem to see it here." "Maybe they didn't have a Labour Government then," says YooHoo. "What difference would ' that make?'

"Well, they wouldn't have any use for the phrase. They probably didn't even know it existed." "Quite right," says the leader. "That's an excellent slogan. We'll paint it.on the banner right now." "I'm going home," says Yoo-Hoo, beating the others over the head with a club in order to escape unnoticed whilst they sleep. And Yoo-Hoo creeps silently into the night with a fortune in words rustling in his waistcoat pocket.