THE 'ULK

Bay of Plenty Beacon, Volume 10, Issue 18, 30 August 1946, Page 5

THE 'ULK

ADDITION TO HOME FLEET

DERELICT ARRIVING SHORTLY We learn with pride and joy through the columns of one of New Zealand’s largest Metropolitan dailies that Whakatane will soon be the sole owner of a trim little hulk. (This we knew in any case as the Beacon splashed the story long before the Herald). But the latest information states that the Clansman is merely waiting for favourable wind and weather to commence the long tow to this

isolated haven of solitude.

The ’ulk, which, be it known, was formerly the good ship “Wanganui” has been purchased by the Whakatane Harobur Board, and that is almost the sum total of the public’s knowledge concerning it. But the Beacon, as usual, in its zest to present the strange, the unknown, the bizarre, the unorthodox in its most baffling form, once again comes to the fore with the ’inside scoop’ on the subject. The whole thing started with an advertisement which appeared in a recent publication of “Three Sheets in the Wind” the well-known Harbour Board official organ, which stated:—

‘For Sale: Beautiful picturesque old ‘ulk. Only done 80,000 miles. Two holds, no masts or master, trustworthy anchor, four port-holes, collapsible rudder (would make fine showpiece), air-conditioning throughout, specially selected airholes in bottom. Rats at present in occupation but these would consent to sharing tenancy with owner. First to inspect will buy this ship snip. Price £SO, Write “ ’ulk c/o ’ulks Ltd.” -When we marched into the meeting, twenty minutes early as usual, there were the members of the Harbour Board in excited conclave eagerly studying “Three Sheets in the Wind.” Racing results, the latest copy of Sparkling Humour, even next Friday’s Beacon were all tossed aside, as members focussed upon their own official organ. “Aha,” said the Chairman at long last, glancing round to see that no erstwhile competitor had meanwhile slipped into the room. “We’ll get that ’ulk.” “Aye, aye,” chorused the other members. “We can use it for our annual picnic to Whale Island.” The chairman looked stern.

“We’ll do nothing of the sort,” he said. “We’ll sink it in the river and let it float down and block up the harbour mouth.”

A chorus of acclamation greeted his announcement.

“Well,” continued the chairman, “if that’s all settled we might as well have lunch.”

The company brightened visibly,

“It is indeed a mystery,” said the chairman later as he sliced open a sausage. “How such a beautiful old ’ulk, pass the sauce please, should be offered for sale for a mere £50.”

The members looked mystified; one whistled at the waitress.

“Anyway,” continued the chairman brightly, “I propose to appoint two of you boys as a sub-commit-tee to row the ’ulk down ’ere, — ahem—here.” . The members looked sad. “I know,” said half of the subcommittee, “we’ll ask the captain of the Toer, I mean Toa, to tow’er.” “Oh no you don’t,” said the waitress, who happened .to overhear. “I’ve got a friend whose brother in Auckland knows a girl who used to go with a chap whose cousin works on the Toa. I couldn’t stand by and see h'is life ri§ked in that manner.*’

“Certainly not,” said the subcommittee all at once.

“In that case,” said the chairman with dignity, “it’ll have to be the Clansman.”

“Aha,” chortled the sub-commit-tee, relieved at the easy letout. “A very sound solution.”

And so it comes to pass that the world at large is notified that the Clansman will shortly arrive in Whakatane towing an ’ulk, the property of the Whakatane Harbour Board Keep Off This Means You! (We understand that fifty homeless schnapper have already forwarded application (one enclosing £SO in rent in. .advance) for ..spare bunks, but we have it on good authority, that the'Harbour Board, does not intend betting rooms- in their ’ulk). ’ ' V '