The Bay of Plenty Beacon Published Tuesdays and Fridays. FRIDAY, AUGUST 10, 1945

Bay of Plenty Beacon, Volume 8, Issue 96, 10 August 1945, Page 4

The Bay of Plenty Beacon Published Tuesdays and Fridays. FRIDAY, AUGUST 10, 1945

ATOM SMASHERS | ♦ — ■ i

TO FACE HILLY BILLIES HAIRY FAIRIES ALL A misguided Keats once said f and we quote: 'A thing of beauty is a joy Forever'. The. Hilly Billies could scarcely be regarded as things of beauty, but they have apparently brought great joy to tbe hearts of the Hairy Fairies for the Hairy Fairies are indeed contemplating dealing out to their opponents a sloshing of the first water. The great joy demonstrated by the Hairy Fairies is the subject of a special bulletin Avhich was delivered to tbe office at 1 a.m. this morning by pony express. The rider was none, other than Jack 'Six-Gun' Stewart who with flaming torch) held high, and two cheese sandwiches in his pocket arrived at a goodly pace having jousted his way through a mob of Hillies wbo tried to lynch him, to deliver the epistle of the Hairies to the Hillies in good time for today's issue. Apparently when the line-up of Hilly Billies was published there was much scoffing\ in Hairy Fairy ranks and great was the joy thereof, for thoughts of an easy conquest prevailed. As a result the Hairies have with the exception of tossing halfton bales hither and thither almost ceased training. Further reports state that the majority of them spend most of their time rolling on the ground in mirth at the thought of the hopelessly inadequate team the Hillies propose to field. But to proceed. In the first place the Hairies wish to extend tbeir very warmest 'and sincerest thanks to Adam Turnbull for arranging free dental treatment for both sides. (This arrangement is new to us too!) No doubt it will be necessary. Hairy Fairy Form The despatches received from the Hairies contained the following misinformation: — "Woe is us tbat. some of our best players are not available for this year." Herb Brabant: Impossible to get jersey or shorts in N.Z. to fit him. Rube Mercer: Seriously injured when trying to land speed record on Ohope Beach last Sunday. The Hillies will therefore be spared the terrifying circus-clan warcry of 'Hey Rube'. Arthur Hall: Received three bro'ken ribs in the stampede at the recent Loan and Merc, auction sale when overcoats were being sold. Walter Semmens: Knocked his whisky over at Taneatua the other day. Still too dangerous a man to allow on the field. (Note: Whisky for medicinal purposes only!) Ernie Currab: Too fit! After training went for a plunge in the river last week. Last seen in latitude 4 degrees South, heading towards ice pacli. Tat Anderson: Pulled a muscle chasing a bobby calf last Thursday. A doubtful starter. Very sad. So much for those who will noti

be in tbe brawl. Those who will be include: — Ted Simpson: In the recent Opotiki v Whakatane match, laid out four Opotiki boys in three minutes. Intends improving this average against the Hilly Billies. Sonny Davis: Even odds on this man. A punter of fame. Keith Hollis and Owen Bridgcr: Herb makes these two men run beside thte truck for ten miles each day so they should take the field moderately fit. Merv Cummings: "Wha will be a traitor knave, Wha will fill a coward's grave." Not Merv! P. Laurie: Training on Marsta Lick full of vitamin G-whiz. Should be a terrific tu&slc between he and Stanley the Wonder Lick man after whom was named Stanley Track and Stanley Falls in Africa. .Bob Duckworth!: No commentary given. No commentary needed. (Epitaph to be published later). Jock Sunkcl: Fresh from Italy. Fresh in New Zealand. Intends getting fresh with Hilly Billies. Has been placed in cool storage, in order to keep fresh. Jim Baker: Bringing bis shovel along to inter Hilly Billies as Ted Simpson drops them. Bob W T oolliams and Stan Flint: Taking the field together in order to study tactics of famous Hilly Billy leader Les Brown. Intend to prove that even the mighty can fall. Laurie Martin: Fresh from last match with Manawabe reps. A very upsetting player. No relation to Martini which is popular, dry. Ruff Bros: Great secrecy surrounding these Fairies. Will no doubt get' ruff with Hilly Billies. Peter and Theo Anderson: Intend taking the field only long enough to have a work-out with Tom Brassey *wbo will then be passed on to the man with the shovel. Jack Stewart: The Hairy Fairy King. Intends egging his side on to battle in spirited fashion by use of an amplifier from behind. Hillies have hiim down on their black list. Has a secret scheme to set bear traps all along the Hilly Billy try-' line. He should improve the Hairies' .chances no end. Such are the. men who will oppose tbe Hilly Billies on the date which lias yet. to be definitely set. A truly terrifying and awef nspiring lot. Small wonder that Hilly Billy knees are as jelly, and Hilly Billy feet are growing colder and colder. Nevertheless in order to cheer up both sides a little we .close in silent expectation of the forthcoming slaughter with a suitable quotation from an equally misguided Byron. Wben thou who win at length divide the prey. And cry remembrance saddening o'er each brow, 'How had the brave who fell f exalted Now!'