WHISPERING CAMPAIGN

Bay of Plenty Beacon, Volume 7, Issue 28, 26 November 1943, Page 5

WHISPERING CAMPAIGN

BETWEEN WIND AND WATER

MKllClvß'S DILEMMA

It has always been our contention that however quiet our town may be ; one can always find a little movement and merriment at the Little Mercer's Shop.

Recently, with a double event, the establishment heat its own previous efforts hands down. The 'Mereess' (known ,to the Mercer as the boss of the emporium) contracted laryngitis and her usually resonant tones were reduced to a j mysterious whisper. The. mercer zoomed over to Hee's for a packet of pastilles and a throat "goggle" and returned to thy back door in time to hear the mereess wuffle "Good morning, what can I show you to-day/' in her newly acquired stage whisper to probably the largest son of Polynesia in these two islands. Not to be. outdone, our merry Maori removed a '"racehorse" cigarette from his smiling lips; glanced swiftly around; and in an equally confidential whisper wuffed back, "Please, Missus, 1 want the biggest blooming pair of blooming men's bloomers in the blooming sh.op!"

But the JK\xt Wednesday brought the highlight of the year. Many people, avq are told, pay their money and forget, their coupons—few people pay their coupons and cheerfully forget their money— but a recent Wednesday afternoon saw a busy housewife hurriedly pay both coupons and money, scurry oil' in time for the bell—and IcaAe. Avith the mercer her sleeping baby complete; Avith Plun'ket kit and peram! Being before the twentyeth all Avas peaceful in the town and the baby slumbered on—undeterred by the glib claim of ownership by the mercer; and how quickly lie recovered from "those things." Peace reigned until :}.lO when—. with a couple of preparatory wrig* gle.s and. a coo or two, the infant loosed a bawl bearable hall-way to Kopeopeo. Swift search of the 'Kete' reveal-, ed warmly-wrapped a field ration of Karilac No. '■'> with 'teat protected by cnllophane. The Mercer, professionally supporting the infant backbone, speedily demonstrated the poetry of suction; and, witJi sundry nods and Kicks, shoAved. the few afternoon clients where to find their purchases, how to open the till, and what to giAe themselves for change. A Wellingtonian visitor and a local carrier remained for the final scenes in this domestic drama. Dying gurgles announced the end of Karilac Xo. 3 and—the Mercer paused in his labours holding the

infant rampant. "What is wrong with him?" queried the bachelor from Wellington) "Advice from the old Merchant Service," quoth the Mercer, "never get caught between wind, and water" and the infant obliged with a couple ol violent hic-coughs—a moment of intentne.ss; and the Mercer demonstrated the depths of the Plunket kit; the efficiency of Plunket threecornered pants,, and the neatness of the Plunket tuck-in over safety-pin. The moment the again-sleeping infant was re-ensconced in his pram back scampered the semi-delirious mother with a spate of explanation. Child's daddy in Solomons—mama couldn't sleep or rest—goes to matinee for relaxation—always leaves baby in theatre, foyer—slips out every few minutes for safety—Sot interested and oh! lost my baby and oh! thank you so much. Gallantly saith the. Mercer "Madame, when your baby was thought a lovely girl, it was entitled to the usual services—but when he proved to be a handsome boy this firm leaves no stone unturned to oblige!" and away sped mother and child with many blessings. The carter with his cartage, and the Wellington man with his parcel passed out again in the peaceful street. Said he. from the South, "'That was certainly funny, eh?" "'Pooh,, that's nothing/' rejoined the. carrier. "You ought to hear about him, Lou Hunter, the young mother and hopeful, and the fifteen hampers of samples with the. old ewe to top it. off!" With that sprightly crack the citizens wended their different ways— and. pcace once more enfolded our township.