ROUND ABOUT

Bay of Plenty Beacon, Volume 2, Issue 233, 4 November 1940, Page 5

ROUND ABOUT

YOU MAY NOT HAVE HEARD! '(By Aitchc]) It is typical ol' the Hon. R. Semple* Minister of National Service, that he lias chosen Novenjber the Fifth, to enlarge upon .the Home Guard question. Early last !monlh ho informed an awe-struck Whakatanc audience that he Avas coming round, again in the. manner of a :whirhvind ! I only mo)*e dramaticaljy described, and that he was bent on a stirring up the lethargic livers of ex-goldi-ers in-a manner ■■which would arouse all the old lires of Diggerdom. Well, .we'll see him to-morrow evening and in the absence of lireworks wherewith to celebrate Guy Fawkes, cling desperately to the hope that something explosive will be provided alter all. m m m ~m ' s It was the Scot lies ni'cht oot on Friday and in spite of the jjrophets ' of gloom, the bagpipes failed to close up the shops of the .Chinese fruiterers, or the dealers of goods of Jewish origin. We heard of one young bagpipist (is that the word Laurie) who was handed a wee flat bottle wi' brown fluid in, after an exhausting blaw. He stuffdd it into the rear of his kilt as the drum sounded for another tune, but un- ' " fortunately fell against a post as he hurried to the parade. Feeling a trickle of warm-liquid running down his legs, he Avas heard in fervant whisper to his neighbour, to say 'B hope to — that's, blood!' Which reminds irtfg'Ol land one. Donald Avas called to the bedside of his, dying wife, who- asked him to make her a promise before she died. After much canny hesitation the braw lad of the heath, agreed, and his good lady asked-him to promise her that at her funeral he Avould ride in the. same coach us his mother-in-law, Donald was silent for a long time, but at last— 'Ay lass. I gied yer me promise,' he said, 'but I dinna mind tellin' ye, ye've spoilt the funeral fer me!' ■ • «•,"»- He had been picked up on the 7 road near Te Teko, a mass of cuts and bruises, and bearing every, indication of an encounter with a heavily geared motor truck, a grid-iron and a steam-roller;. The kind hearted nurse in the Whakatanc Hospital sat beside him Avith a pad and pencil Avriting the letter AA r hich Avould break the neAvs. to his Avife<. "What shall I begin AA T ith," she ask-v ed gently. "My darling Avife?"-The pencil poised expectantly. The patient emitted a dry rasp through his bandages. "Yeah,' he said,- "It'll make her laugh at any rate." ' at * « ■. ... »...■■- ■ A certain number of young men visited a Avell known Scot in his bach Ihe other night, and Were nearly stilled by the heat of an oversize fire he had burning. "Why not open the AvindoAv, Mac,"' asked one Avho Avas choking Avith .fumes.

"What," rejoined :Mac, with biting sarcasm, "do yer think I'm goin ter w'ar-rm the Avhols street t'er them?" The record short story of the week has just come to hand. "A tall athletic young girl went for a tramp at Ohope.. The tramp died." Finis! m m ■ m' ■ » ■ But to our muttons; which reminds us that the mutton-bird season opens in a minute, well er ■ on. the- 16th. .l'ts a pity that these sheep- ■ birds are reserved only for the Maoris. I had almost arranged for a group of local sportsmen to do the thing properly this year. We aimed at lifting the moral tone of thei slaughter of the innocents. A Venetian carnival in gondolas was planned to leave the' wharf promptly at 5 a.m. to the accompaniment of soft music and vociferous tenor boat songs. Sergeant Farrell had volunteered to direct the traffic in thigh boots from a submerged rock midstream and Inspector Delves was to check the speed per medium of a div er's suit as they, crossed the bar. Arriv, ed "at the Whale the wholei party was to dig in on the beach and SeikV an ultimatum lo the mutton-birds, i and if rejected by them —blitzkrieg! Rats, writes one of my clientele (not a male) have labelled my home-"' 'a refuge for aged rodents." Sl>e claims that because she did not have active participation in the Council's •Rat Week' thai these baser animals have mistaken her disinterestedness for weakness, for one went so far as to have the effrontery to penetrate the sanctity of her boudoir and drop on her face, in an ef- - fort to whisper 'sweet nothings* about the hard-hearted City Fathers. The lady has since joined the rat-loathers* (Continued foot of previous column!