OUT AND ABOUT

Bay of Plenty Beacon, Volume 1, Issue 81, 30 October 1939, Page 5

OUT AND ABOUT

(By The Outsider) Just to show you that we can handle, world affairs with the same airy inconsequence—or, as others might say, with the same inanity— with which we record the vital statistics of the capital of the Bay of Plenty, we record the following sent to us from one of our'scouts in England: —It comes from the reception areas where the children evacuated from London are accommodated. A Cockney child, in his village, was given an egg for breakfast. Living up to the finest traditions of his race for discontentment, he looked it over, then declared: "Blimey, ain't a proper egg. It ain't got Daofl ish on it." It's not often we go the cute ings of children way. As in an earlier instalment of our thrill* ing serial, they usually fill us with' revulsion, but we were faintly amused when the small son of our host, having, been allowed to slumber through the hour for the evening meal, started up with a bellow of '•Who's gone without my dinner?" » * * * The same youth seemed to have struck a fair vein of sarcasm last week. Usually his parents have to grapple with his homework, but the latest sums were a bit too tough for the senior members of the house, and they were left to him. When asked what seemed to be the matter, he answered savagely*: "I've got to do my mother's homework." * • * * Finishing this story of juvenile wit, in case it sows any more unfounded susjucions that we are Peter the Whaler,, we record the lad's impressions that Bonar Law, eminent British statesman of the last war was a law against bonuses, and that a stevedore is an animal with a hundred feet and no hands. He seems to have something there.

War-time economy and all thatis all very well, but some of the genfSNw were very hurt when their landlady re-acted violently to their elfort to assist her in cutting down the cost of maintaining the lavish table. The boarders did not approve of the removal of butter from the bo'ard for one meal, so next day five of them stalked in with'a private pound, adding insult to injury by calling for extra bread. The sequel was the pointing of the bone: "I want your room,, and yours, and yours %..." Out into-the snow they go. * 9 9 « The Ohope Flier got a rare bedizening when its owner parked it outside the money foundry on Friday, and festoons of paper, chalked notices, and beer bottle labels combined to give it something of an air. Chief Assassin Tim; also tied on a "For Sale" notice quoting the price, as £4 10s, and there was amusement when an inebriated gentleman came to light with 10s as a deposit. Thi.-s was an unforeseen snag, but Len retained his chariot, gold fillings, fresh air and all. v * * * Bright remark from Maori, inspecting large picture of British fleet in shop window: "Just a fake that picture eh? Look the Courageous and the Royal Oak still there, but they komate." * * * 9 Diddle, diddle dumpling, my son John, Never could settle a career upon, Till we sent him away, as merry as a grig, For to learn him to lie a Middle White Pig. Seven gold guineas a month seems dear, Seven gold guineas for John's career; Each month-end it's a big lump gone But its cheap when you think what they've done for John. First month there they taught him how to grunt* Second month there- his nose grew

blunt, ■ .* Third month there he filled out flfte Till you'd scarce know John for a son o' mine. Now they write that he's all complete, Middle White Pig from ears to feet, And they've finished him off on a. handsome scale, With a jolly little squiggle on his pigwig's tail. " Diddle diddle dumpling John will bet A Middle White Pig of PedigreeLord, how the neighbours will stare and sliout When John comes home with a tail and a snout. * * « * - v -"Thankswith''me. This