OUT AND ABOUT

Bay of Plenty Beacon, Volume 1, Issue 63, 18 September 1939, Page 5

OUT AND ABOUT

The Outsider) .. ! Wh^tf; 'W;ith. dark-unii'drnied coifnty ;tA"affic.. Inspectors driving ■about in a sqrabre-hued motor car, it looK.ed as though the Gestapo had moved in overnight. However, I am able to reassure iny public (if any), and tostate officially that all breeds of cows are receiving equal justice, in spite of the fact that Ennyntrude the Jersey denounced a couple of Friesians as unregistered aliens. "I mean to say,** she said, "there's a war on and all that, and you can't tell me that these low-test Friesians and Holsteins have their hearts in. the right place. I think the pound should be enlarged at once and used as a concentration camp. I mean what's to prevent them putting something in tneir milk, or sabotaging the cow bails, or something." • # # • I quote from our erudite Rototua contemporary e. paragraph headed "Sir Galahad. w It reads: "High ideals were set before the monthly meeting of the Edgecumbe branch of the Labour Party last week, and these sam™ ideals were embraced. Having decided to abandon indefinitely" 'ill political propaganda, the branch decided unanimously to concentrate on lective efforts to restore peace to the stricken nations of Europe.'* * fr * * Well, Rotorua had better look out. We're n,ot going to stand slurs like that from a place which smells as though its drains are chronically out. of order. We fixed Opotiki and we'll do the same to Rotorua unless thev are very careful. » * * » The Rotorua paper also has its moments. It printed a cable describing the reception to the British, troops in France and said that men and women cried "Viola les Tommies!" and "Viola les Anglais."' After a Lit of puzzling we decided that Rotorua wasn't insulting our troops under the impression that viola wis French for pansy, but that they were really trying to say "Voila les Tommies/' They ought to be more carefill. . sje «S « * The Strike the Lyre Department to-day has a guest poet. Here is Jack the Taximan's idea of Hitler:— Adolph Hitler's a rum old bloke. At Berlin on the Spree. A sausage vendor of repute And Lord of Germany. ; His good points may be many. His failings they are more, j For by way of recreation * "! He's indulging in a Avar. The Nazis they are for him, The workers ..for his gore. - i Some time hell get it in the neck, j Heil Hitler, Gone Before. All these neon signs and lighting.; effects round the popular, hostelry are going to introduce an element of danger in a stroll down-town at nights. A gent is always likely to mistake the darn place for the pictures, and then wrfeck the place when the Donald Duck doesn't como

We confess that we did a certain amount of fiendish gloating when the "M*' in the middle of the name of a certain ale did not show up in the sky sign ? for Tim is always ready and willing to put the spurs in when have a Jit tie accident of that sort. Honour is now satisfied. a $ $ * Hitler has exchanged his brown tuuie for a grey one. The fact that he has gone grey overnight is not really surprising. •'• • • Consideration for an animal's conyictioiis was shown recently by v » Maori who lent his horse >to ;a friend. Said friend detained the ani* mal for a few days and when Maori Number One went to reclaim th® animal he found his friend beating severely and swearing as strongly our armies did in Flanders. "Don't you swear at my horse. He's religion horse.'" said the shocked owner. ft nt *s Time is part of the theory Of Relativity. A query:— Does Professor Einstein Keep the watch on the Rhine? e « * « While on, the poetic vein yot» might be interested in hearing the only T.imerick ever written in blank verse:—> There was a young man of St Bee.? Who Avas stung on the arm by wasp When asked "Does it hurt?" He replied "Yes, of course, But Fin glad that it wasn't a hornet-*' m * # * This, one modestly claims, is oha of the worst poems ever writtenYpropos of, nothing at all we point ! ->ut that it never Rhines bnf it