THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LIX, Issue 238, 8 October 1928, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN# ] WORK. In the Arbitration Court at Melbourne the Chief Justice advised the waterside workers to "Work, work; do not play the fool." Coves and coots and blokes and cobbers, Walkin' delimits and jobbers. Kumrids! Orl youse workln* birds, You can't live on red-hot words. Or a policy o' shirk. Turn yer sleeves up, get to work! When yer leaders is a-yappin* (Just ter keep you blokes a-scrappin' An' ter line their pokes wl' ponce) Chuck the cackle for ther nonce. Itoll yer sleeves up—never shirk. Bog right in an' get ter work! Folded 'ands and tongnes a-waggin', Everlastin' jaws a-waggin' Don't make feeds fer kids an* mothers, 'Blp yer sisters or yer brothers; Shut yer traps and talkin' shirk. Grind yer teeth and get ter work! A lady mentions that prior to the races at Ellerslie on Saturday a well-meaning person patrolled the hastening crowd bearing a placard on which was printed WRATH. ' Flee From the Wrath to Come." Neither the lady nor the person who bore this banner with a strange device knew how prophetic it was. There was apparently more wrath to the acre on that racecourse than ever before, and a great number of persons fled from it. Saturday night is the late shopping night in Gisborne. An Auckland lad, aged twelve years, visiting Gisborne wished to see the Poverty Bay capital all ODIOUS awhirl and was taken COMPARISON, down the main streets among the crowds. "Well, what do you think of Gisborge on a Saturday night?" he was asked. "It reminds me," he said, "of Auckland on a Sunday night."

Can anyone recommend a really good arithmetical problem for traffic policemen? It often devolves on traffic constables to decide whether a motorist is inebriated SUMS FOR or merely clever. In a SCORCHERS. London case a traffic man arrested a motorist who was zig-zagging about to the danger of His Majesty's lieges and bore him pronto to the magistrate. He excitedly and indignantly denied inebriation, and the law obliged him at once to write down his name, address and occupation and to do two sums in arithmetic. May have included "if a herring and a-half cost three halfpence," etc., or any other complicated problem. A doctor (who evidently drove a car), noting that the offender knew his own name and did the sums correctly, said he wasn't drunk but excited and therefore ought to be exonerated for zig-zagging among the crawlers on the earth. It is conceivable that an inebriated driver, caught by an inspector while carrying a peak load, might be relatively sober by the time he reached a magistrate; so may one recommend that our traffic directors be each armed with books of arithmetical problems? The spectacle of traffic being stopped at intersections while stern constables set sums for scorchers would afford pleasing diversion in a town which is far, far too matter of fact.

The comic opera control of the New Hebrides is again brought before the fierce eye of the public by a Frenchman's article. He wants the dual control ONE JOB, by condominium ended, as TWO MEN. everybody else has for a decade or so. A New Zealand military officer was formerly in charge of Britain's side of the police force there and told some interesting stories. Even when a malefactor is before the Courts both France and Britain are represented by a magistrate and every kind of legislative and controlling gadget is doubled. You might be ordered to be shot at dawn by Monsieur the French official and reprieved and given a fat billet by the British Administration. Both sides are at loggerheads, and the affection that isn't wasted between the two peoples would make a library of love novels. Queer, shy people, the natives, and once frightened they appear to keep the wind up permanently. M.A.T. was told that they are still wonderfully skilful with a small bow, being able to get away six arrows while a man fires six shots from a service revolver. They have nasty-looking hardwood spears, too, with a wicked reach of about twelve feet. One Xew Hebridean brought to Auckland for a treat was so frightened that he often stopped dead in Queen Street and couldn't move until his boss gave him a sharp order. His frightened silence was so pronounced that he was ultimately returned to his native land, where he burst into language and has never knocked off since. You have heard of Gilbert Islands? These are not they. They are the Gilbertian Islands.

Brief reference herein to the abominable motor din that makes the lives of patients in the Wallace wards of the Public Hospital a pnvPTT\nt* hideous nightmare sugCONSIDER jests that the kindlier THE SICK, spirit of other countries , , , May yet animate Auckland users of motor spirit. It is common in civilised countries for traffic moving past hospitals to be controlled either by the authorities or by the decent feelings of drivers. And it is almost invariable for warning notices to be posted. The most familiar on the Continent, in the United States and in the Old Country'

HOSPITAL! CONSIDER THE SICK. DRIVE QUIETLY. PROCEED SLOWLY. Or variations of the same ideas. It is possible that the drivers of roaring cars, huge lorries and screeching motor bikes are at heart as kind as you and have only to be reminded that they may be hurrying patients out of the world, to mitigate the torture. Apparently up to the moment there is absolutely no sentiment in the matter and patients groan and bear it. £ People who, like the celebrated curate have had nothing te eat for the last twentyfour hours but a Bath bun and an acidnlated _ drop and I have such a JiATS. pain here" will enw the x - , gastronomic feat of a New Plymouth citizen. He evidentlv had thirty shillings left after long tarrying'in the halls of joy. Sitting down to a restaurant table he consumed thirteen dozen ovsters a generous helping of fish and chips, ditto steak and onions a large plate of ham and eggs, and finished off his modest meal with four-and-sixpence worth of whitebait. This «astronomic feat reminds one of a very ex f cellent liateman picture showing two gorgeous menials waiting at the dinner table of a dyspeptic millionaire. His sole sustenance is a pepsin tablet and a half-glass of milk and soda. In the corner is an exquisite picture of the two ponderous menials partaking of a meal the ew Plymouth man would welcome with a yell of joy.

CHAOTICS. Solution of Saturday's little puzzle: Naatihsaan Athanasian "Birdie," who sends regards, says, "Tour Chaotics have gone to the pack. Previously the jumbled word was made into another or others which read as a complete word." "Birdie," who isn't really angiy, raids a lady's name: laezmanswa l-d-a,