Bits of Fun.

Auckland Star, Volume VI, Issue 1671, 26 June 1875, Page 5 (Supplement)

Bits of Fun.

A patient waiter—A young doctor. '"'l;' Heab generates motion.' Illustration—A small boy sitting down on a hot coal.

Wby is Ireland the richest country in the world ? Because its capital is always Dublin.

Why ia a stationer a very wicked man ? Because he makes people steel pens and then says they do write.

Little Johnny—'l heard somebody crying there, and it wasn't ma nor the doctor. Sissy—'May be it was the kitten.'

When an old barn and a pig-stye burned at Ashtabula, Ohio, the other day, 'the starlit heavena were made to quiver above the leaping, roaring flames.'

The woman who put the kerosene can on the stove-hearth while she went out to trade with a pedlar, is now keeping house in a barn, kindly loaned for the occasion.

A Connecticut girl patiently listened to a long declaration of love, pathetic and proposing from a young man, and then knocked the poetry all out of him by saying: ' Now let us talk about your business affairs.'

A prominent citizen who is the proud possessor of a handsome daughter, went home to tea the other evening aud said to his wife, ' Mother, I . have finally succeeded in my petition for a street lamp on our street, and it is going to be set directly in front of our gate.' A sudden scream and a heavy fall sounded from the next room. The affrighted parents rushed in there. The''daughter lay prostrate on the floor. She had fainted.— Danbury News.

An Indianian, describing a favourite pianiste, said that she ' yanked a handful out of the centre and slanted 'em at the end, then wiggled around with two fingers, grabbed up another fistful,'punched right and left, went a rippin' down hand over fist, and 1 tell yer that ere pianner howled.'

Robert Collyer says the children must have less study and more fun. He is right. There is the boy in the family across the way. Last Thursday afternoon, he put a dead mouse in his mother's work-basket, attached a split stick to the tail of the next door cat, set the vinegar faucet up in business, palmed himself off as a ghost on the hired girl when she went down to the cellar after the butter, besmeared his father's choice bantam rooster witb. blue ink, and finally wound up the entertainment by tying the boiler to a strange dog's tail, and slipping down in the slush and hurting his back. Hia exasperated father hardly knows w,hich to hunt up first—the strange dog with the boiler, or Robert Collyer. — Danbury News.

An old maid don't know what it is to bend over the children's little white bed, softly pat their curly heads, and hear one of them growl out : ' Now, then, Sam, keep your paws off me, or I'll bat you in the eye.'

Misttndebstandino-. — Old Lady —' Can you tell me, my good man, where I can find Mr. Jones ?' Pat —' Sure, ma'am, I expect it would be afc his house ye would find hini.' Lady—' Does he live anywhere in the street here ?' Pat —' Sure, no, indade ; it's not for the likes of him to be living ia tbe street at all.' Lady—' You stupid fellow, I mean what number does his family stop at ?' Pat —' Now, ma'am, you have me ; he has Bix boys and four girls already, but whether he manes to stop at that number ' Lady— • Oh, you blockhead ?' Exit old lady in. a tremor of. indignation.