MAN ABOUT TOWN.

Auckland Star, Volume II, Issue 607, 20 December 1871, Page 2

MAN ABOUT TOWN.

That young Dick is a scheming young rascal, lie wanted to know yesterday if 1 knew a respectable attorney who would bring an action for him for costs out of pocket. Of course I did not, my experience of lawyers is limited, the only lawyer I ever employed was a proctor, a decent man withal, but capable of making out a bill of costs as long as your arm. I asked the youth why he required a lawyer, his answer was that he wanted to issue process against the Captain to JSTaval Brigade. " Why" I asked, " because he replied" he causes to be made and makes loud, heavy, jarring, agitating, and battering sounds and noises, and I can't stand it—that is, unless lam paid for it. These guns at Fort Britmart startle my nerve and if it is to continue they must come down handsome and square me. I have have just discovered that I can put the screw on him, and I mean to do it. Others are on the same game and I mean to join in the swim." "Dick" I-said " you're no son of mine, I disown you, if those are your sentiments." " Them's my sentiments father and I sticks to them, he answered." " Then" I "replied go and find a solicitor yourself to do your dirty work, and I hope he will make you pay through the nose for your folly. But Dick is a headstrong youth and fancies he is clever.

He went to the monster meeting and was thoroughly disgusted at the way poor old Staines was treated, he says he behaved himself so gentlemanly and spoke so feelingly of his Jewish friends who had helped him through life, that Dick thought him to be an illused man when they poked fun at him, and when they asked him if he had paid his washing it looked like adding insult to injury, when everybody knew that his last washerwoman died drunk, and the Coroner sent him home only last Saturday twenty six pawntickots of his clothes in a large clothesbasket covered over with a clean white cloth. Why Dick says that even the white waistcoat and frill shirt both had to be taken out of lumber from Morris Marks, and got up for the occasion, and considoring the trouble and expense he was at, he ought to have received better treatment at the hands of those he had fought for. And then after he had taken back theempty pint pots backto thepublic house it was disgraceful to see the young rascallyboys run after him and pull his bobtail and tell him he was drunk.

Dick came home the other evening and nearly died of laughing. He said he had just been going up Pitt street when he saw two charming young ladies standing at the corner of the Karangahape Iload engaged in confidential talk, they both wore the long ribbons hanging behind, which he described as " follow me lads." When to use his own expression, the weather freshening a bit the long pendant of the weather side craft became entangled in the head gear of her leeward companion and made fast thereto, when on their taking leave a comical scene followed. Neither could reach the parts entangled and there they stood locked back to back. A milk girl passing dropped her can and flew to the fair one'a rescue, and speedily disengaged them, but while they were profusely making their acknowledgements to the milk maid, a wandering goat sprang across the road to avoid capture by a policeman who was in full chc.se. Over goes the milk can with the dairymaid's stock-in-trade. " Lack a daisy," said the poor girl," I had a dreadful foreboding that something would happen when I saw my mistress this morning milking the cow with the ironpail into that very can, and this now is a judgement upon her." Dick says that he consoled the poor girl with a kiss, when she told him that while she was engaged unlashing the topsail halyards of the two fair belles she was sure she noticed about two pounds weight of hair on one of them that bore a different color to the rest and did not match. But what had that to do with her, or Dick, I should like to know ?

I was informed by Dick the other claythat he looked upon the new truck regulations as down-right tyranny. A man must not leave his truck farther than two yards, either to deliver his goods, or ask for his money. He says they had better chain him to the truck to prevent a man from exceeding the limits. He says, too, that while the city authorities are very fast in pulling people up for not putting a light up on any scaffolding erected in a well lighted street, they allow a pile driver, or, as he calls it, a " monkey," to be stuck on the wharf with ropes stretching from it half way across the wharf to keep it steady, and no light put up to warn people of their danger at night. Ho himself tripped over it on Sunday eveningl when he went to meet the Thames steamer, and pitched right into the water. But for the man on board the " Benjamin Heape" seeing him swim about, he might have been drowned before his action against Captain Le Hoy came off. Acting on Dick's advice, I intend opening at Hamilton, in the Waikato, a loan and discount office for the accommodation of members of the armed constabulary. They obtain their pay so irregularly that I am told they would willingly pay two shillings in the pound per month (and that is" double shixty per shent) to be able to get ready money. It shows a rotten state of tilings, but Dick says that's nothing to do with us ; that's Mr Eed Tape's business, while I should become a public benefactor. On that principle I will go, not for the sake of gain, and in no instance will I charge more than the interest stated, (beyond an inquiry fee, which will be regulated according to circumstances.) Dick had a ride on the traction engine a few nights ago, and says that if she was put to work to brin^ ballast from Mount Eden to the vessels at the wharf she would pay her cost in no time; biit if they would not put her to any work, why not sell her ? He knows a sausage maker who would give £600 for her to drive his sausage machine. This might be worth the consideration of the Executive.

Wasn't Joe May awfully sold yesterday. Some cove was giving evidence at the little go, and incautiously admitted that he and another actually had the depravity to indulge in potations of extract of malt on a Sunday afternoon in a certain house unnamed. Now thinks the horror struck Joe in his zeal on behalf of the U.K.A., " here's a splendid chance to punish a wicked publican and sinner for desocrating the Snnday, and at the same time

increasing the revenue." So down he came, like a thousand of bricks, and pounced on the devoted head of the Sab-bath-breaker " like a hawk on a June bug." "What public house was that you were drinking in ?" Imagine the revulsion of feeling the beak must have suffered when the witness meekly replied, " Oh, it was a private house, your Worship." Poor Joseph's chops fell, and the audience sniggered. This morning old Staines called for Dick to go.the Council, to see the election of Mayor; they were very near being to late, as they called at every public-house on the way. The Mayor was re-elected on the motion of Mr George, seconded by Mr Hampton. They were both in a delightful humor ; old George was quite playful, and even proposed that the salary should be doubled. This was not agreed to, but the mover was quite satisfied. He said" lie liked a little opposition ; so one would have thought when he objected to the minutes. He would have a dray was not a cart, and the Town Clerk ought to know better. I wonder what next he will get into his head.