LOSOPHY FROM JOSH BILLINGS.

Auckland Star, Volume II, Issue 552, 17 October 1871, Page 2

LOSOPHY FROM JOSH BILLINGS.

It iz highly important, when a man makes up his minde tew bekum a raskall, that ho shud examine hissel clusly, and see ifjlie aint better konstructed for a phool. " Tell the truth and shame the devil;" i kno lots ov people who can shame the devil easy ennff, but the tother thing bothers them. 1 f you don't beleaf in " total depravity," buy a quart ov gin and studdy it. It iz a verry delicate job to forgive a man without lowering him in his own estimasluin, and youros too. As a gineral thing, when a woman wares the britches, »he has a good rite tew them. I am poor, and i am glad that i am, for i find that wealth makes more people mean than it duz generous. Woman's inflooence is powerful—espeshila when she wants ennythng. No man luvs tv git, beat, but it iz batter tew git beat, than tew be rong. Awl kind ov bores are a nuisance, but it ie better tow be bored with a 2 inch auguar than a gimlet. " Be sure yu are rite then go abed }" Lut in kase or doubt go ahed enny wa. Sekts and creeds ov religion are like pocket compasses, good enuff to pinte out the direcshuu, but the nearer the pole yu. git the wuss tha wurk.

: The road tew ruin is alwus kept in good repair, and travellers pay the expense ov it. If a man begins life bi being fust lutenant in lrii familee, he never need to look for promoshun. ...

I hay got as much munny as sum folks, but i hay got as much impudence as enny ov them, and that is the next thing tew munny. It uiut often that man's reputashuri outlasts his munny; Don't mistake arroganse for wisdum $ menny people hey thought tha was wise when tha Was onla windy. : The man who can git ahed without pulling others back is a limited cuss.' '-• '-" ! ■ • Woman will sumtimea confess her sinSj but i never knu one tv confess her faults.

; Thare iz onla one advantage, that i kan see, !in going tew the devil, and that is, the rode iz easvj ana yu are sure tew git there. , ; I am violently opposed to arden speerits as a berridge, but, for; mauufakteriug purposes, i think a little of it tastes good. Moral swashun o^risis in askin a man tew do iwhat he aught tew do without askiu, aud,then beggin hiz pardon if he refuses taw do it. I hay finally kuintew the kouklushun that a good reliable sett ot bowels iz worth more tew a man than enny quantity of branes. r Musiok hath charms to soothe a savage ; this may be so, but i wud rather try a revolver on him fust. It alwus seemed to me that a left-handed fiddler must pla the tune backwurda. -1 hay often bi<» told that the best way iz tew take a " bull bi the horns," but i think in many instances i shud prefer the " tale holt." The fust law ov natur iz tew steal; tho sekund law iz tew hide; and third iz tew—steal agin. ■ Povertn nets the same onta a man a branes az excerciae dus unte hiz boddy—given an appetite. . " ' _ I never could see enny use in mnking wooden gods mail and femail. If the harte iz rite, the hed cant be vtfrry rong. I Tha tell me that femails are so skarse in A ll 6 far western country, thai a grate menny married wimmin are already engaged tew their iekuad and third husband^