THE MAN ABOUT TOWN

Auckland Star, Volume II, Issue 543, 6 October 1871, Page 2

THE MAN ABOUT TOWN

No. xli

Bbavo GYeighton ! I admire your pluck. Go in by all me.ms to reduce the expenditure of the country it's the only way to prevent heavy taxation being imposed upon the people;. And, besides, why shouldn't you try and defeat the Ministry on a Government question, for there would then be a capital chance for you. and you know you do not often neglect such. But I really am surprised that your motion to reduce the estimates by £50,000 was lost, because I am informed that if it had. been carried it was fully 'intended to have set this sum apart for division among the members at the end of the session, for purchasing the Speaker a; new gown and wig, and for giving the entire House a big spread before breaking up for the holidays. I particularly regret the motion being lost, as, if carried, it would have formed an excellent precedent of which, as I shall probably be in the House next session, 1 should most certainly have taken advantage.

What's all this noise about the express vans ? Is not that van as good as any other van, and is not an express man as good as any other man, hey? I ask the question in consequence, of a curious debate that took place in the Borough Council the other day, when the fares of the express vans were fixed at considerably less than the fares of other vehicles, particularly of drays. Mr. Hadkin, the coach-builder, presented a petition, signed by no less than nineteen hundred of the express men of Auckland, who objected to any reduction of fares whatever, being perfectly convinced that that was a matter which no one could settle so. well as themselves. " Why," said Mr. Hadkin, " should these unfortunate men charge less to their customers than the drayrmn Is it because they tnke their passengers and deliver their goods quicker ? People always have to pay for rapidity of travelling, and as the express trains charged more than the ordinary trains, so ou^ht the express vans to charge more than the common dray.—Mr. Takelieedy opposed the motion violently, and said it was most unfair for the rich and opulent express driver to earn two shillings while the uoor hard working carter was earning five. He was in a torrent of indignation, and proposed forthwith that all express vans be abolished, and handcarts be substituted—they travelled fast enough for most people. At all events he knew they did for him. He did not beliove in this go-ahead system, and he should like to see every express-man compelled not to exceed two miles an hour —that was quite fast enough. All this discussion came to the ears of the express-men, and in a body they " interviewed" the noble Knight who had opposed them, at the "Star and Garter," Albert-street. They found him sighing deeply over a severe dose of L.L , whiclt had been prescribed for him, and which he was swallowing with many bitter faces. They rated him soundly on his past conduct on their account, and the fiery little spokesman, pointing to the long line of expresses which were drawn up in the centre ol the street, asked now he would like to be an express-man. To which he exclaimed, "Heaven forbid," looking at the same time with pious horror at the go-ahead vehicles. The horses heurd the exclamation, and rushed in a.body into the back parlour, and declared their intention of staying and drinking all the beer on the premises unless the gallant Knight would promise to withdraw his objection. Tli'S he at length did, after receiving a severe fright. To show there was no animosity, on their part, and, as a proof of it, the express-meu called for a gallon of L.L , which they told the attendant to put down to the gallant knight's account. But while they were drinking off tho double L.: a cart loaded with hay turned the corner about a mile off, and the whole nineteen hundred horses aud express vans made a general stampede in pursuit, and the last I saw of them they were passing near the Titirangi ranges, n ith theirdrivers in full pursuit, evidently bent upon making a rapid excursion to the Kdipara rail way to judge of the value of express trains for themselves.

Poses plastiques are, nb doubt, very agreeable sorts of things in their proper places, so are figures, of statuary. JJut that is no reason why,' when I go down Queen-street, the figure of a lining youth should suddenly be thrust out longitudinally at the risk of my life and limb. It is a pretty si-;htto see the active boy holding on to a vtrandah post with his h^ndn, and his legs thrown.', out gracefully at right angles towards the shutters, and within an inch of the pedestrian's nose ; but as I don't consider such gentle exercise at all conducive to the health of the public generally, and as, moreover, the, agile boy referred to is apt to get a severe rush of blood to % the head,,l should like to see the little game stopped.' I grieve to say that thY chief offenders are connected, with that powerful lever the Press —that is to, say they, are the run-boys of the a.TAW pleasantly diverting, themselves after the labours,^!' ,the,day. Such pleasures are, -ao.doubt, harmless, when viewed from a-distance, but unless an inquest ista be: held' on my body in a short time, I say, "stop it!•' [. ■;

Dick is all impatience for the"-opening of the new ride range at Mount Eden, for he; means to go in for a slap at the Mayor's cup, anchspme of the other prizes which are to be shot for on the opening day. For the iast few days he has been busily engaged cleaning up the old duck gun, which served him in such good stead at the pigeon match. I have told him he 1 will not be allovced to use this gun upon the occasion, but he only laughs significantly; and says, " We'll see.". He says he's a particular friend of tile Mayor's, and that His Worship has given him permission to use this gun if the other Volunteers have no objection." " You see;'dad, with, a rifle I couidn't hit a cart fifty yards off, but I mean to put six or seven builets into old Bess when'l fire for these'prizes, ; and it'll be very strange, if I don't.hit something." Very strange indeed, and 1 certainly advise all my friends, ,to ke,ep out! of the' way on that auspicious occasion. I'FvC the: last week or so he has; peen out; every morning to Vj'ouat jiden^ and Ibelijeve dn two occasions he weut into the crater and succeeded ip hitting the side iof the mountain therefrom. . It'will;thus, be ieen that he is getting on in his practice! ; but he uses.a good deal of Holloway's ointment to his right shoulder over night.

The Town Council have determined to put a stop to that abominable custom o' snv>]diig. My frien I »ra—rt, in his place in the Council on Monday, moved that uo one should be ai lowed to suck a pipe o chew a weed outside, or inside of any public or private carriage; inside or outside of any public or private dwelling, in the public streets, on the wharf, on the water, or in or at any place whatever, under a penalty of having to send up a caso of the very best havannahs to Mr. Sm—rt's private residence in P —rn—ll. Now I myself never pollute my mouth with tobacco, still I was very glad to observe that my friend the Mayor did not believe in this sort of thing, very properly believing that every man had a right to annoy his neighbour if he thought proper to do so—and to show his own independence, he immediately sent out for a box of mild Pickwicks, which every man in the Couucil pounced upon. When 1 left Mr. Sm.—t was sucking two at a time. I am glad to see we are to have a cattle show very shortly in the Albert Barracks. 1 believe the principal exhibitor will be Gherkins, who has promised the loan of his stuffed mummies, double-headed calf, seventeen-legged pigs, and other curiosities for the occasion. Nathaniel Bbeswing.