THE MAN ABOUT TOWN. No. XXXVIII.

Auckland Star, Issue 536, 28 September 1871, Page 2

THE MAN ABOUT TOWN. No. XXXVIII.

At last the long-promised banquet, given by the Mayor of Auckland to the mem hers of tho Borough Council, tho heads of departments—General and Provincial— the judges, police force, bar, legislators, press, and last, but by no means least, to myself and Dick (to whom, by the way, special cards of invitation were sent some two months ago), came off last night in the banqueting hall of Bt. Mungo's Tower, and was one of the most successful things of the kind ever known in this city. Dick this morning is most uncomfortable, and is suffering severely from the effects of orer-eutiug; but this in a young muri might very naturally be expected, alter being at two public dinners two nights running, and another is staring him in the face for to-night, for the masons of the new lodge, to be then opened, hare insisted upon his being present, and taking the vice-chair. As public dinners are greatly to the taste of my youfig hopeful, of course he has acceded to the request. But to a brief description of theMayor'sßanquet. About three hundred guests (more or leas) sat down to a magnificent collation of cold tripe, spring onions, cheese, hot saunagcs, bread pudding, juvenile roosters, &c, Ac, while the table literally groaned beneath several hundred tankards of Whilson's best brew and Corkwell's Monougahela. A very elaborate bill of fare was prepared, which I much regret being unable to publish in full, but I pick out n. few of the daintiest dishes : A la Mused, tripus a la onion, potage a la polonies, vpl au vent de cabbage, smasho de potato, sufflets de Olson tomato sancp, financier de rooster (very financial), filb-l de snappo, tailo de kawai, filet de dry bread, ditto toasted, kitto de oysters (for which there wa3 great demand), fillets de grilled mutton chopos, &c, &c, &c. After several inspiriting airs had been played by the Band of Hope orchestra stationed on the watahtower by the kind permission of Captain Le Roy, the company strolled in from the extensive grounds in the rear, where they had been enjoying themselves with the fragram weed, and took their places. What need I to descant upon the dinner more than t.. say that in a very short time it had totally disappeared, nothing being left but a lew dishes of cold bilo de potato. The table was then cleared, long pipes and screws of tobacco, and several hog^heaHs of Whitaon brought in, and preparations' mude to commence the convivialities His Most Gracious Worship the Mayoi was moved to tho chair, and tho Vice (foi fear of accidents) was allotted to Inspector Broom, with instructions to sweep th' room clean on the slightest provocation. And to carr3 r out these instructions >er-gi-ant-Alajor Kurdy and Sergeant Hookey Walker were stationed as a reserve force on the landing just outside the door, where, however, they immensely enjoyed themselves on th<» various dishes around them. And now I fear my pen will fail to do justice to what loliowed in the shape of speeches, <tc. The Mayor rose to his leot utniJ loud applause., und told them to commence, with, that ho meant to have no heel-taps that night. (Tremendous cheers.) They had met together to drink his health, and ho would insist upon it being drunk from top to bottom. Hetheiefore, before anything wasdone, bogged to propose his own health. Drunk with enthusiastic applause. Band : " Money makes the Mare to go." Ho next proposed, as a matter of form, " The health of the members of the General Assembly of Now Zealand," although, if they wanted to know his own private opinion on the subject, he would tell them that he considered them (he biggest set of humbugs that had ever met together under one roof. (iJheers.) If they wanted to hear true eloquence—the eloquence of an orator, to which Demosthenes was a fool —let them go to the Board room the next time he was on his legs. The toast was drunk with loud cheers. Band : " For we are all jolly good fellows, — Colonel Balmaske responded to the toast of " The Army and JS'avy," and said he had never been satisfied with the army going away, for it had been a great boou to the country, and he much missed the officers' balls und parties,—ho might <iij' muchly. However, he believed the Mayor had written homo to the Queen, asking her to send buck ul least one to be quartered in Auck land, which now being a Borough, was fully able to afford the billeting of the soldiers upon it. And another thing htt'cl tell them, a company was about to be formed in Wellington for the purpose of building a large iron fleet for New Zealand trom the Taranaki iron-sand. (Cheers.) inspector Broom responded on behalf of the Colonial (police) force, and said whenever there were any drunken people to be taken up, they were " all there." He had heard that years ago the Auckland Police were a very efficient body of men, but let them look at the lot of fellows he had raised ;he guaranteed any two of them to be fully equ'il to one under the old regime, if they wanted to see men in the prime of life, strength, health, and beauty, let him call in his reserve force from the outside.—The party felt this was asking too much, and hoped the visit would not bo mnde.—Captain Jargaville said he'd back the Auckland Volunteers—especially the Engineers— against any body of troops in the world, and as a. proof of the brilliancy of the uniform, let them look at him. (Cheers.) —The next toast was that of " His Honor the Deputy-Superintendent." (Band: " The young man from tho country.") Drunk with enthusiasm.—The Deputysuperintendent and Provincial Secretary both responded, and perfectly agreed that the Government of this province had never been in such a nourishing condition as it was at the present time. Only one mistake had been mude, and that was, in electing Gullus Super instead of them. Captain Malby proposed the health of " The Mayor and Borough Council;" and said it gave him unalloyed pleasure to see tham sitting so long together in peace and amity. But ho had felt grieved, deeply grieved, to miss upon that auspicious occasion the smiling mug, the beaming eye, and the grizzled whiskers of the great, the glorious, Stains, the People's Champion, —the man of Progress. (As he made these remarks there was not a dry eye in the room, and nearly every guest hid his face in the tankard before him, to conceal his deep emotion.) Bat leaving aside

fcliat question—how about the Smelling Bott eon tho wharf? Did the Council or did it not, mean to remove tin nuisance ; for, as Chairman of the Harbour Boird, he'd see them blowecl befon that body would do so. Tho toasl was swallowed with great applause., the Band playing the new version of " Our Newest Scent Bottle." — Mr. Jorge, in responding, said ho could confidently recommend his biscuits to iheir notice, and Mr. Tongs advised them if they had any city endowments to ta.re them to his auction mart and they should get a good price for them.—The Mayor preserved an ominous silence, and whs evidently brooding over the remarks of Captain Malby, anent the "People's Champion." Several other toasts were proposed, among them being the Press, which Dick responded to in his usual modest and quiet manner, for which he was loudly cheered. Just before the party was about to break up, the Mayor rose to his feet with sigus of considerable emotion, and said, "Gentlemen, my conscience stings me for whqt has passed, but I will now make ample reparation. I'he words of the noble Captain Malby have struck deep into my heart and affected me much, and I now, in presence of you all, call upon you to drink the health of my late illustrious colleague George Stains, Esq. The Mayor drinks to Stains. Saying which, His Worship rose, and tilled a tankard to the very brim, with the evident intention of taking it off at a draught, out of compliment to his late compatriot, when—Knter the Spirit of George Stains, dressed in the suit in which he received His Royal Highness i he Duke of Kdinburgh, when that illustrious young gentleman landed at the Queen-street Wharf.—The Mayor catching sight of tho spirit, flung tho silver taukard wilh desperate energy from him, which, slriking Hookey, who was peeping through the door at the fun within, on the proboscis, felled him like a bullock. —The Spirit then advanced to the Mayor, and pointed one finger at him reproachfully, while with the other it moiioned towards the guests and the banquetting table. — The Mayor: Avaunt, and quit my sight! L::t thy shop hide thee, and burrow tliee in thine old wheelbarrows and one-horse tables. Thy bones are marrowless, and thy blood is cold till warmed to battle by the Giant Jorge. Thou hast too much in those eyes which chou dost ulare with.— Spirit of George Stains (in a .sepulchral voice): Do not forget,; this visitation is but a warning of that to come, when, rendered from my charnel house, L'il haunt ye—(a shiver passed through the assembly at this dread threat). But look ! (pointing to the guests) amazement on their mugs doth sit. Step yo now between them and me, a1 in the next .lection will I defeat yo and them.— The Mayor: What man dsre I dare? Approach tbou in thy sceiy clothes, and with the Fmell of rust and .jeer u|>oi> thee. and I'll not fear thee; take any form but that! S and boldly up in thine own form and figure, and then will I smite thee hip and thigh. Hence ! horrible shadow ! hence! hence!— lnspcctoi Broom (to the meeting) : Do not mind hrn.good people; he is often thus. This tling lias guawed him long, and now it's ;ome to pass.— The Mayor .- The times were once, that when tho brains were oit, and liquor in, the mnn would fall dead — drunk; that go he would befon tho beak, and there an end; but now thsy rise again from their defeat, and do deir me to a fresh election. Oh Mains ! stains ! What, what have I done to desrvo this. Spirit of George Staines : Whalhast thou done P Why dost thou ask me? Look around yo. See there yon guess who have ate and dranii even unto Bpletion, and I, poor George, the broke:, have been neglected and insulted. Liok at my attenuated limbs, my pallid fao, my thoughtful eye, and grizzled bead. iNevcr, oh never, since the day j fell upon my uncle's neck, and left him by the river side with 1 fourpenny bit in liis hnnd to remembe mo by; never I say since that day have Ibeeu seized with such pangs of grief as nor (to the guesls). Look upon this picl lire, pointing to Air. A slier, late Councillor) and upon this (pointing to himsell) the counterfeit presentment of two dealers.' Look you now' what follows. Here is tils dealer (pointing to Mr. Hasher) invi?d to the feast and revelry by ni^ht, wlio I, a combination and a form where evry god did seem to set his seal on, left at in the cold. Shame on you; shaie, shame! — i The Mayor : Mercy ! Mtjcy ! — lnspector Broom: Heed him no good people. Whereon do you look god .Fillips ? — The Mayor: On him! On 1m ! Look you j how pale he glares. (L Voice : " Yes, i into the beer barrel.") Jd not look upon me thus, lest with such pieous action you make me relent ray purphe—give up my seat —resign all, indeed, into your favor. Think of that old man wlj never wronged you. — Spirit of George fains: Oh! my prophetic soul, my jncle ! Come, come, no more of this* and now good night. I will not £1. Remember me—adieu, adieu.— Th^Mayor : Horrible, horrible.— Buhhle-ndßurst: Pray, what's the matter? H>e you seen the ' ITearl ?— lnspector Brim : I pray you speak not, he grows jorse and worse, I question enrages him, abuce good night, j Stand not upon the orjr of your going, but go at once or I'll orterin the bobbies. —At this every guestmrriedly put on his hat, and a stamped was made from the ghostly chamber. Aew minutes later I found myself in the <W air, with my brow throbbing iu-tls cool winds of Heaven, and Dick leang me towards my mansion. To my tonishment, on perusing the morning prers, I do not see a word of what I haveust related, but on no account would be induced to suppress it. I had intended to tre of several other subjects in this paper, b, having already ta<en up so much space! must postpone them until Saturday, ill then, as the poor ghost said, adieu ! dieu ! Nathaml Beeswing.