THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.

Auckland Star, Volume II, Issue 508, 26 August 1871, Page 2

THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.

No. XXV. Will anybody buy any shares P I don'l mean Caledonians or Thames. I don't mean bank shares, nor do I mean coal shares; but I mean gas shares. You naturally look at the paper, and see gas shares quoted at so-and-so; and you want to offer me something less. But I will be honest with you, sir, for once ; I won't take your offer, for I must confess that the shares which I hold are not in the old company, but in the new ; and having been allotted to me yesterday afternoon immediately after the meeting (through the action of Dick, foolish boy), awaken in my mind a long vista of calls and penalties, ending in the office of the Official Liquidator. So I have made up my mind, and am prepared to sell cheap, for after all the first loss is the best. Had it not been for Dick's persuasion, I never would have bought into the affair at all; but he said it was a first-rate thing, and was bound to go ahead, as he knew many of the directors, and he was quite sure they would be able to make a start in the manufacture of gas at once, without any machinery at all, —indeed, that it was just one of those things for which they were peculiarly|well fitted by nature. What ? —you have not heard of the meeting. Well, the reports were published in this morning's papers, but they by no means give any idea of whatrealJy took place. I was there the whole time, and therefore will at once lay before you a full, true, and particular account of the proceedings, which you may believe or not, just as you choose; but my veracity has never yet been doubted. A public meeting having beeu convened, by an advertisement without a mime, of persons willing to form a new Gas Company, in order to bring the Auckland Gas Company to its senses, a few persons met at the Mechanics' Institute at the hour appointed; but the members gradually increased until there was nearly eloventeen present. Of these a large number belonged to the Hebrew persuasion, and smoking and " chaffing" of a harmless character amused those present until the business actually commenced. The reporters, with that reckless temerity which characterises this class of men, snt witli their hats on cracking their jokes and getting fun out of everything and everybody; bat, finding the wholo thing was getting monotonous, they were about to send out for refreshments for the crowd when Mr. Jargaville was espied hiding behind the door, and was at ounce pounced upon and placed bodily in the chair. The gallant chairman, after having cast a cursory glance! over his audience, complimented them upon their intellectual appearance, and asked them if their mothers knew they were out, at which several small boys withdrew their pipes from their mouths, and sneaked out of the building. He then introduced Mr. Highsaeks to the meeting, and called upon him to toucli their hearts —and their pockets also. Mr. Highsaeks referred in a feeling manner to the deplorable state of Auckland, which was as yet plunged into the very darkness of night, and was likely to remain so until they had a Gas Company which would let them have gas for less than nothing. He himself was as well able as any man present, or indeed he mighf say as any man in this country, to pro duce gas on the most extensive si-ale but there were several other gentlemer who were also able to do the same thing, and, among tueia, was his frienc, of the skull and cross-bones—the great literary advertiser—Mr. Costgrove. This gentleman was well known to them all, for his literary efforts must have penetrated into the farthest house ("yes, and hearth," cried a voice) in the province. It was enough for him to remark that these great literary efforts usually com-; menced with " Alarming sacrifice—i another great failure !! —£50,000 worth \ of drapery given away !! 1 " and other like phrases of a masterly kind ; ho was sure he need say no more, for tho name of the great man in question must immediately recur to them all. (Loud cheers from seven small boys, who were wearing the " cheapest things" in pinafores.) The enthusiastic applause which his friend had just given forth was sufficient to induce him to at once plunge into the real business of the meeting. Well, then, should they form anew gas company, and send the old one to the right about H He had had considerable experience in the matter of public companies, and he would tell them that it could be done. He had a list in his hand of seven men, two women, and a boy who were at once prepared to take shares. (" Put me down lor half a one," cried Dick.) Thank you, sir. Well then, with such a commencement, they could not help succeeding, and busting-up tho old company. (1 romenduous cheering.) He freely admitted that he did noc burn I much gas, but his customers did, and unless he went in lemons for this thing they might withdraw their patronage. It was very true that the shareholders in the new compauy might not get any dividends for three or four years, but then they would be happy in the consciousness that they had been of service in the cause of Jight. Mr. Costgroove said that every man paying sixpence a share in the new company would be provided with gas for himself and all his friends, and would receive a dividend of nine per cent, to say nothing of bonus and reserve fund. (A Voico : " The bones is worry well, but how about the skull ?") The question was impertinent, and ho at once called upon the police to eject the interrupter who, it was plain to see, did not intend taking shares. His motto was, if there was a monopoly, let them—the new company—have it. Let them go in at once for the thing, down with their money and settle the whole matter. If they made haste, and the calls came in quickly, they could have the company in working operation in less than two years. Mr. Use, senior, moved tho first resolution, and in doing so said his only intention was to induce the old company to reduce the px-ice of gas to half-a-crown a thousand. The motion was, " That a new gas company, lo be called ' The Auckland Breakdown and Burst-e'm-up Company,' be formed, with a capital of £200 in one thousand shares at 4s each." Seconded by Mr. Nathan, who deplored the" dreadful state of darkness in which we were wrapped, and carried on the voices. Mr. Pure Love and Affection thought the amount of capital was too large, let them be content with half, for they must

remember that they wanted little machinery, as every gentleman he saw before him could gas at the rate of knots. Mr. Use replied that it was always best to have money in hand —especially in the case of the treasurer. The motion of (Vlr. Use was carried unanimously. Mr. Beveridge said he did not blame the old company for having good dividends —they would bo great fools if they did not in these times. But he was not a director of that company, though he meant to be of this ; and he advised them when they got fairly started to charge as much as the other company: for although they were going in to bring down the price of gas ostensibly, of course the real object was to put some uiu into their own pockets. He for one meant to go on the directory. He would move that the directors be Messrs. Jargavil, Nathan, Costgrove, Bobbs, Highsaeks, Daldhigh, Use, and Beveridge. The motion was carried unanimously, there being no less than ten hands held up, including the new directors. Mr. Marks said if any of them got hard up, through having heavy calls to pay, if they came to him he could lend them the highest possible sums on any little trifles they had lying by them. tiis place might be known by the three balls over the doorway. (Cheers.) At this stage of the proceedings a feeble old man arose, and, tottering to the platform, requested the Chairman to rend over to him the names of the new directors. The gallant Jargaville at once complied. " Ah,' said the old 'tin, " now I can die happy. I had thought that I should not live to see another local company start, bust up, and ruin the shareholders, but now I'm convinced of it, and can depart in peace." On being pressed the old man suid, " I was once, gentlemen, in the prime of life, with a wife, family, and fortune. But I was induced to enter into two opposition local companies—one was the Bank of Auckland, the other was the Auckland Insurance Company. What w;is the result? Both smashed? My fortune was lost to me for ever, and I became a broken-hearted man. One ray of hope remained to me. It was that another local opposition company might start before I died, and ruin a tew moro, for I couldn't bear to be alone in my distress. I came here hoping against hope, bat 1 go away happy, for I see upon the directory tho names of four uentlemen who were directors of the Auckland Insurance Company, and of the Bank of Auckland, and that is comforting. These gentlemen arc well known to you all, they are Messr:!. .Nathan, Bobbs, Highsaeks, and Use. Gentlemen, I give you all good day. I can now away to my lodging, and die in peace." And the miserable old man departed with a joyful countenance. For a few minutes afterwards a solemn silence prevailed, but refreshments being liberally supplied, the spirits of all were restored, and the business of the meeting was proceeded with. What took place afterwards I could not tell, for 1 followed the old man out with a heavy heart. But Dick (foolish boy), in my absence, took several shares in the new' company, and these, as I stated above, I shall be glad to dispose of at a low figure, for after the statement of that poor old m»u, I can have n« frJtf* .' " "* "'

OftOWsK Di^Tl U (vftV, FOli! t3RiTO>S.A.Rt. MALI Wirt-jKEY, at 18s. titl. pw proof . gi!foti, duty paid Malt Whisis.'i;-, jr. 1 3oi. oases, ggji, fid,' por •«*«, duty mid • • j i!--.--. I-;- m, . ■ ■'*;, U.'i. put IWWof gnjjfcr. ; i l' $« »■ paw! ■ " 'rt,'h iStthj •;,, ■.■: J ,i v - au^v^S***. p*e cms*.,:1 r-jivrs, against the Board spending the sum of £6,000 on their own particular streets, roads, backyards, and properties generally. Mr. Use said the wkole thing was bunkum—why hadn't they put him in the chair ? While he was on the Board, he contended that he had a perfect right to spend the money how he liked. It was like their impertinence to treat him so. Was lie not a director of the now gas company P besides the protest was not signed. Mr. Stains hero, after considerable difficulty, affixed his sign manual — two broken spades and an old coat—to the document, and many other eminent persons also placed upon the protest their heraldic bearings, among which Smith, Jones, Brown, and White, were conspicuous. Several gentlemen spoke on the subject of the protest, and Mr. Bussell said if they had made him chairman of the Board, with power to put a footpath in front o\ his Elizabethan castle, he would have said nothing, but he should now undoubtedly oppose the whole thing. \ barney then took place about the meeting which was held at the Mechanics' Institute, nud some reference was made to Mr. Diesun and his dog " Snider," on which ie 7Faa said he never paid the tax, and the police were requested to keep their eyes on him. , Mi\ Use then made a long statement on the subject of improving the manners of all present except himself, and he said tho . total amount collected would not suffice ■ to put a decent polish on a single one of them. After another dispute between Mr. Bussell aDd Mr. Use, tho protest was adopted by a majority of one-and-a-half. Mr. Bussell again attacked Mr. Use in a most gallant manner, and it was consi- : dered necessary to send over to the Queen's Head Hotel, for a quantity of Monongahela, in order, to refresh the combatants. Having somewhat recovered breath, Mr. -Bussell again attacked his opponent, pouring into him a very hot broadside. He then struck unconditionally, and it was resolved to call a fresh meeting of the ratepayers, ond put in a fresh _ Board. Tho trustees at this left in a huff, amid loud groans from those present, some of whom mildly recommended them to go home, and " put their head in a bug." Those who remained then " refreshed " themselves in tho usual manner, to Dick's unmitigated satisfaction; for, as usual upon such occasions, his cold had got the upper hand of him.

There was great fun at the school meeting the other night at the North: Shore. The meeting was nailed by the gallant CorkraiD, to complain of the conduct of Mx. Crombio for turning out

chairs, tables, and desks from the school of Mr. Fillips. I regret that I have not space to go into the matter fully. Mr. 'orkrain detailed what had been done. After describing the ejection of desks, &c, continued: "And thus were some thirty children deprived of the means of intellectual food in the very best season of the year. Thus was the cause of education insulted, and the very rostrum of Wesley himself pulled down from its high station. It touches me deeply, gentlemen. It pierces me to the very 'art." " Why, you aiut got none," interrupted one of the bystanders, " it's all oil and fat." At this unseemly interruption the beadle of the parish was sent for, and the unruly offender removed. Mr. Crombie then made his statement, after which Mr. Triangular got up, and said he didn't mind which side he took if he saw any beer sticking out, but _it was dry work, and who was going to do the needful? Upon which, Mr. Crombie sent to the Masonic for a gallon of LL Triangular, took a svrig, and then thumping his fist down on the table, said if any mnfi objected to what his friend had done, he'd dip him in the sea. Several motions were then passed, but as ihese have beou fully reported, I need sny no ino.-e than that the entire meeting was a very mild affair—for the North tihore.

Nathaniel Beeswing