THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.

Auckland Star, Volume II, Issue 504, 22 August 1871, Page 2

THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.

As I promised in my last to detail to my numerous readers the facts connected with Dick's narrow escape from the hcly bonds of matrimony, I will now proceed to do so, as related to me by the young gentleman himself; for of course I know nothing more than I have been told by him, and the statement is of such an extraordinary character that even now. I can scarcely believe it myself. I will, as nearly as possible, give the story in Dick's own words :—

" Well, you see, dad, for several days after the party at Luison's I felt very queer, for some of the gals were the finest looking creatures I had seen for a long time. One of them made a great impression upon me, and before leaving the ballroom I had vowed that I adored her. She returned my affection with all the gushing tenderness of an ardent heart, and before we parted for the night I asked her ' When, oh when, dear maiden, shall we meet again ?' Says she to me,' Watch tho papers, dearest, and in a day or so you shall see a token; —it shall be on the subject of marriage.' Two days after I saw the following advertisement in the JEvening Stab :■—' A clergyman's daughter, of considerable personal attractions and some means, is desirous of corresponding with a gentleman with a view to matrimony. Having come to the colony for health, which is completely re-estab-lished, and having few acquaintances, she is obliged to take this means of meeting with a suitable partner. The strictest confidence will be observed. Address, through post, to F.E.N., office of the Evening Stae.' Convinced that this was the token referred to by the young lady at the ball, I at once invested in perfumed envelope and note paper, and sent off a declaration of my consuming fires to the fnir advertiser. JBy return of post there came a sweet-scented epistle, enclosing the portrait.of a lovely woman—but not the one I had seen at the party. Tho letter was full of gushing tenderness that went straight to my young heart. It prayed me to scad my photograph, and to meet her at one o'clock on the following day under Wayte's verandah in Queen-street, describing how I was to bo dressed, and what I was to do to ensure recognition. I rushed off in frantic haste to Crombie'3, the photographer, and besought him to take my likeness in his very best style. This I forwarded as soon as possible to the lady. The next day at the hour appoiuted I was at my post fully half an hour before my time. I was dressed in my best, and wore a bell-topper, a white rose in my button-hole, and yellow kid gloves upon my hands as signs by which she would recognise me. Besides this, I had to keep blowing my nose with a red silk pocket-handkerchief, for this was strictly enjoined as one of the signs of recognition. And so I walked from Wayte's to the Prince of Wales, up and down, blowing away with my belcher, and making myself as conspicuous as possible. In a few minutes up comes another chap, dressed the same way as myself, and wearing an eye-glass. He had a white handkerchief in his hand, and was blowing away at his nose like a young steumengine, and to my astonishment, and I may say horror, before one o'clock there were about eight fellows parading up and down under the verandah, every one of whom appeared to be in a state of chronic inflammation-of the head, and the music brought f_frth by the blowmg of so many noses at the same time resembled a circus band out of tune. I thought it strange to see so many chaps all dawdling about and so attentive to their noses; but, fond dupe that I was, tho cause never for a moment struck me. At one o'clock precisely a tall commanding figure, deeply vested, might have been seen to cross the road, and stepping with tho carriage of a queen on to tho pavement, looked calmly around, then drew from her pocket a handkerchief and blew a loud blast. 'Twas she ! 'twas she ! My frame was filled with a feeling of estactic delight. I forgot all else in Ihe world, and was attracted to her as though by a magnet. As she passed me, in obedience to the preconcerted signal, I again applied my handkerchief. Alarmed at the loudness of the report, I looked around, when I found that each of the other seven gentlemen had just delivered fire!—that we had delivered a volley in most excellent time, if not tune. However, I cared not! She had written to me, her eyes had sought mine as she passed,—nay, I even saw her wink, —and wc were irrevocably bound to each other. E followed her at the distance of a fewyards. Had I looked behind I might have seen the other seven following also j but my love was blind and my vision sightless except for the lovely creature before me. I followed her into a draper's establishment—up stairs into the ladies' showroom, as agreed upon by signal; and then, for the first time looking round, I found seven other fellows staring savagely at me and at one another. There were several laughing, blue-eyed girls in the showroom, under whose gaze I nearly sank to the floor. The veiled lady, whom we had followed pointed to chairs and desired us to be seated. Several gentlemen then entered the room, the door of which was suddenly closed, and the next minute the lady whom we had been following with suoh devotion, threw off her head-dress, and disclosed the features of a young man well known for his devilment among the girls. The next instant dust was rising in clouds from the floor, and eight pairs of feet beat as one. I never stopped running, dad, till I found my3elf safe in my own bedroom." This was the end of Dick's story. Thus will it be seen what a narrow escape he had from being married. JFor several days he felt the "sell" acutely,.and on being offered the billet at Wellington by Mr. Vogel, as previously described, ho thought about taking it, but he has since rallied, and will, I think, remain in Auckland ; and I hope I shall hear no more of his matrimonial engagements.

Tho cry is, " Oh, give us yet another loan." JNot content with the £20,000 which they are going to borrow, the great Borough Council wants to get another £20,000, because, forsooth, they are doing so in Wellington. And the Harbour Board is going in for a loan too—indeed loans seem to be the order of the day, and I'm going in myself for £1,000. Anyone having this amount at command can send it to my address and no questions will be asked.

Dick received an invitation to attend the dinner, given on Saturday to the members of the Daily Northern Square, in honor of the return of the Grea< Borrower, who is the fortunate proprietor of that respectable journal. I'm told thai the feast which took place at the Scotch Thistle was of the most magnificent and recherche description. After the cloth had been removed, a few puncheons of 36 o.p. were brought in, and placed upon the table, while, for the refection of '7-.c milder youths, ginger beer was liberai'.y provided. After the usual . loyal and patriotic toasts had been drunk, the chairman manager proposed the health of Julius, who, he trusted, would, now that he was in the receipt of a good screw, and had boundless treasures at his command, give them a feed at least once a month. The health of the manager was next proposed, by Mr. Cream of Tartar, who said that, both the Chairman and Julius were capital fellows—indeed since the return of Julius they were more capital than over, because they had promised to give him a rise at a very early date. In responding, the Chairman said he had often cause to weep that all the men bad not princely salaries—but although political economy was all very well in its way, domestic economy was not to be despised -at least, he had found it so. In conclusion, he observed that he saw all the 36 o.p. had vanished, but they were at liberty to call for anything else they liked. One of the reporters here asked iv a voice thick—no doubt with emotion —if the present little affair would be paid for out of the first instalment of the loan. The question was considered impertinent by the Chairman, who told them that any man was at liberty to call for what he liked—if he paid for it. The literary staff of the journal then proceeded to give their experiences, and one of the gentlemen, in speaking of tho difficulties under which journalism often laboured, gave an instance of where he had himself to tear up his shirt to have the last few numbers printed on, as they had run out of paper. Another gentleman, in speaking of the high and holy mission which he had to fulfil, related' tO his hearers an account of a Herculean and terrific journey accomplished by him in the early days of the traction engine, and to whi-h the ascent of Mont Blanc was a fool. For this piece of heroic enterprise he said he had been lampooned by a wretched scrubber, calling himself "The Man About Town." At this Dick arose from his seat, and urged by filial affection, hurled a water lemon at the head of the literary gentleman, which brought him dovn, amidst loud applause. However, a fresh bottle of ginger-beer was opened by the ingenuous youth, which he drank with the literary traducer of his father; and the two then smoked the oalumet of peace together. Shortly afterwards he quitted the gay and festive scene, and, as usual upon such occasions, returned to the house with a slight dizziness about the region of the left occiput. I am very glad that our worthy and energetic Mayor yesterday brought up the question of the removal of the gunpowder from the Albert Barracks, and I must confess I w<s considerably surprised to find that a writer in this morning's Cross says there is ; not the slightest ground for alarm ; for, says he, " if even if it should blow up no daDger need be apprehended." Whether he was still thinking of the feast of reason and the flow of soul- of Saturdayiast, or whether he wishes to go oh a prospecting tour to tho moon, or a journey to the heavenly constellations generally, I know not; but if this gentleman should find him<elf hanging by the tail of his macintosh to one of the horns of tho moon one of these fine mornings he need not be much surprised It has been suggested t» me that he wishes to examine the constellation Southern Cross, in order to give the public the result of his scieutitio investigation, and to compare that cross with the one which he represents. It may be so, but although it might be easy enough to ascend to that cluster of stars, by means of seventy tons of powder beneath one's body, it would be by no means such an easy feat to return in safety. I await the result in breathless anxiety.

Nathaniel Beeswing.