Untitled

Auckland Star, Volume I, Issue 102, 7 May 1870, Page 2

"Do you observe how devotional Deacon Buffer is?" asked a good lady of her husband. (i Yes, my dear, the deacon is very devotional H always keeps his head bowed in pr yer till the contribution box is passed " In Munich there is a fellow in jail, charged with having seduced his washerwoman, her mother, and her daughter. Not Bad.—A Turkey Creek mining speculator (says the liathurst Times) wishing to dispose of a five-acre lease, has hit upon a novel way of enhancing the value of ths ground in his possession. He writes to a friend that he is very low-spirited and despondent about the difficulties he has encountered in sinking a trial shaft. He say* that he had first to go through a kind of conglomerate, about a foot thick, composed of diamonds, rubies, and emeralds, and then a layer of silver four feet thick, before ho came to gold! We should say shares in that man's wretchedness will go up as soo 1 as the concern is floated. Lightning killed a Mormon at Salt I ake, and threw upon the market a fine assortment of widows of all ages and conditions. Why is a saJmou like a sermon ?—Because you are always glad when it quite done, ard you may cut away.

The new Chicag > law firm of a nhan aTi wife is to be under the style of " Wyj* 3 | well and Husband," as it ought to be **' 1 Adam and Eve escaped two aerL, : noyances of modern lovers. In the fim, i B" * Eve had no mamma to make judicioii c li qiiiries as to Adam's social position and' 6tt% P pects of patrimony; nnd Adam had*"" 08' "governor" to see that he did not Vh^ ! himself away on a portionless girl. w i A Russian poet has dedicated a Tolum 1 verse to his mistress, and furnished theft f ing from his own person. Having had a 1 ' amputated, he devoted the epidermis toYk" 1 embellishment of his rhymes. llle I Woman is composed of two hundred I forty-three bones, one hundred and ninemuJi I and three hundred and ninety. s i x d II Fearfully and wonderfully made, and to k ' handled with care to avoid scratches. How the governess said grace:—-" p or w , ' we are aoing to receive—elbows! elbows! ■ the Lord make us - backs in and sbould»7 ! down—truly thankful -and no chalterinj!. I Amen!" 8 ~" I

Josh Billings saj s that men w ho ua?c j! great deal to do with horses demoralise I fster than the horses do. He adds: " I )j no | lots of folks who urc real pius, and who ar° honest enuf to w, r k up into united estat assessors, and manj good moral chunks left over, but when they came to lork ho 3s , the want as much looken after as a case of £,;■? thery." The telegraph, which is to be universal i difficult of explanation to some ladies Perhaps this way is the best, "You know that if you rub a piece of sealing-wax hard it will take up little bits of paper." "Yes" " Well, extend the principle, and you mil see how letters R.re conveyed by electricity." A correspondent of the Sydney 'Morning Herald gives the following prescription as a certain cure for drunkenness : —" Sulphate of iron, 5 grains; magnesia, 10 grains; pep. permint water, 11 drachms ; spirits of nutmeg 1 drachm. One tableepconful in a wineglass of water twice a day. If the lore of intoxicating liquor has entwined your rery vitals, strictly adhere to the above prescription and not only the practice, but the very inclination for strong drink will subside in a Bhort time." v

It is evident that the editor of the Chicago Tribune *iust take the first place among duelling editors. M. Paul de Cassagnac pales his ineffectual lire by the side of euch a hero. The American editor finds it necessary to place the following intimation at the head of his news : —" The editor of this paper, in coasequence of the number of analogous engagements pre 5 iously contracted, will find himself compelled till Easter, or Trinity, to refuse challenges from his honourable adversaries, political or otherwise."