Miscellany.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume V, Issue 449, 9 November 1880, Page 3

Miscellany.

THE BOOK BORE.

They will comic. Wliilo you r.re hurriedly corroding a proof sheet, or pulling die finishing touch to tlmt last " local." You can almost tell then by ll» % ir knock —mi I-don't-suppose-it's-any-good kind of knock, it u-uully U, and direct'}" yon hear

it you are seized with sudden and fearfii , misgivings. And thin is the critical moment. This id the time to exhibit your presence of mind. If you are in a hurry and a bad temper, you will growl out " come in," and n tall, well-dad form will be seen standing in the doorway, with a smile of greeting and a leathern bag, and your worst fears will be confirmed. You will instantly realise that 3*oll are in the presence of the il book canvasser!"

If you are foolish you will excitedly exclaim "No thanks ; I am quite sure that I require nothing at all in your line; excuse me hut I am busy—good day!' That might not have had the desired effect. Your amateur canvasser or man new to the business might turn upon his heel without another word. Not so the old hand. lie would not be in the least disconcerted. On the contrary, ho would look quite encouraged, and would probably push past you into the editorial sanctum, smiling all the tiire, and it would require an earthquake at the very least to get that man ©ut of the office alive before he had booked you for an order.

By far the better way, as soon .is you hear the knock, is to murmur blandly " Come in," and make up your mind to sacrifice a little time in order to have your man rather than that lie should have you* Now keftp cool. Be prepared for any emergencies, but don't on any account, lose your temper.

Your visitor will probably commence operations by wishing you good day, remarking that it is fine weather for the time of year, and. informing you that he is the representatiuc of Messrs Paysto and Sizzors, the eminent New York publishing firm. He will say all this in a breath— with the object of depriving you of yours; and all the time he is speaking he will be busily engaged in unpacking the contents of his bag.

Let him alone. He will now take • p a bulky volume bound in real imitation crimson morocco. This as likely as not, is that justly admired work " Cemeteries of America," from the pen of that popula' writer, Dr Sexton. Messrs Payste and Sizzors' representative . rapidly and dexterously turns over the leaves of the volume, talking all the time so loud and so fast that you are at a loss-to conceive not only what he is talking about, but how he can get so many words out of his mouth in the time. Then he suddenly winds up by informing you that the " work " can be had in any style, from 25s up to 755, according to the binding, and hints at weekly instalments.

Lot him alone. Fancying that you are not suf'iicienlly interested in the cemetery book, he will drop that and pick up a

volume equally thick, equally gorgeous, and equally high priced.- This is entitled "'The Street Pumps of New York" and is also profusely- illustrated. " The sale of this work has been immense," the canvasser will tell you. " Payste and Scizzors have been hardly able to keep up the demand. Any New York street pump you like to mention, you will find described in this book, with an illustration of it likewise."

Let him alone; You can now begin to hum a tune softly to yourself, if you like —and go on with .your work. This proceeding will'.soinatoiitali tin , .' innn of books that lie will become alnio.-t silent, and will forget to tell you the price of the last literary treasure.

By way of reviving - his drooping spirits you can now remark that fur excel I ■ nee combined with cheapness you Iwivo never Keen any books to compare with tho.se before you. This will enccurajre him. lie will brighten up, ami begin talking in coherently about booking your' order. You can now commence to replace the scattered, volumes in his bag (the oddncss and coolness of the proceeding will add to his bewilderment) takinjr particular care to inquire where he i.s stopping. You now thrust his bag into his band, and remarking that should you require any of his works you will communicate direct with Messrs Payste and Scizzors, you point mildly but firmly to the door, and if you are troubled with another visit from that canvasser for some time, why, I am very much mistaken.