MRS McGANN.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume V, Issue 425, 17 August 1880, Page 3

MRS McGANN.

By Max Adeleb.

We were siitting upon a four-rail fence in the country, talking about the depression of trade, when a huge buzzard swept past us a little distant above our heads. "That" said Woodruff, pointing to the bird, " reminds me of Mrs McGann." " I don't understand you," I said. " You didn't know Mrs McGann ?" h<3 said. "No ? Well, she lived over in our, town, and one day her husband, who had an inventive turn, got up what he called ' The McGann Patent Inflated Bustle'" " What was it inflated with ?" " Why, you see, it was a.large -indiarubber bag and McGann's notion was to fill it with gas, so that it would- distend the dress to any extent. So the first one he made he used in an experiment upon Mrs McGann. She placed ,it under, her dress and stood out in the yard while McGann connected :< the- bustle with the kitchen gas-pipe, by means of a :flexible gas tube. For a while it seemed to pro- , misowell;—l don't know how it was, maybe McGann used more gas than he intended—but, however, all of a sudden Mrs McGann began to float in the air. As she rose a gust of wind her, arid she had barely time to scream to McGann to put the children to bed, and to instruct the hired-girl about mixing the rauffin/f the next minute she was above the snowline !" " Did she come down again ?" " Well, I was geing to tell you. You know she floated around the upper atmospliere for a while, looking at thunderstorms, and the aurora torealis, and the zone belt, and so on, and probably having a pretty good time, although Bhe was badly soared, and felt the want ■of her shawl and eye glasses. So she drifted about, you understand, being shot,at now and then by men who mistook her for a new variety of flamingo or something of that kind. She gradual)y decended; after awhile, and she'was alarmei, in passing over the town,, les*t a man rwho fired at her, under the impression' that' she was an ostrich, should perforate her hustle, and bring her down in a .condition of collapee." "How did she get down."- ; " I'm coming to that. You know she was being tossed about by the various currents of air, but, going rather, .quietly. when all at once a , tornado or something came along and slammed her with frightful force against |the Presbyterian Church steeple ?" . ' •• The Presbyterian church ?" "Yes, the Presbyterian steeple. And as she hit it t you know, the point of the .weather vane entered the bustle and let all the gas out. So there, she hung suspended. When the wind veered she would swing around first in one direction and then in another, her parasol pointing east.or.west, or north or south, juat as the breeze happened to blow. It was generally allowed thnt she made a very handsome weather vane, for she was a very goollooking woman ; and an for the sexton of the church, he was in favor of leaving her there as an ornament." " But ehe got down of course ?" "I was juat going to tell you. She staid there all night, while McGann rigged up a balloon to go after her, but the balloon exploded about half way up, paving McGnnn clinging to the tiled of the spire. Tlie impression seemed to be that if the trustees would simply let the McGanns alone the whole family would eventually be found roosting about on the church steeple.*

'• But how did they get her down?"

■"Why I was just going to say that MeGann had. another bustle at home. So he{ sent a boy for it, had it inflated, tied n rope to it, and sent it up so that it floated over Mrs McGnnn. She inserted it under her panier, and then they hauled in on the rope and as &he decended, McGann clasped her waist with his arm and they camo down with a rush." "Was she hurt?" " No ; but McGann was." " How ?" " Why, as soon as she touched ground she seized his hair, and shook him around so he didn't know whether he was in Arkansas or Peru. Then they went home, and she burned up ail the bustles in the house." "Is that a true story, Woodruff?" " Sure! Thunder and lightning, come around with me and I'll show you the very steeple she collapsed upon !'' " But still, I have my doubts upon it." On Friday a man named Jaa. Prideaux was found dead at the graving dock, Lyttelton. He had been drinking for some days, and had evidently climbed over the fence on Governor's Bay Road, and fallen over the cliff into the dock, breaking his neck. From Mr Slessinger we learn that a Mr D. Clarkson of Paternoster Kow London, while passing through Dunedin some time ago, purchased a couple of bottles of his rheumatic balsam. The remedy proved so efficacious that he has ordered half a dozen bottles more. We would remind any of our readers, who may during the winter feel the effects of colda or rheumatism, that the proprietors ol this journal arc appointed solo agents for these valuable medicines for Bank's Peninsula, and we have no hesitation in strongly recommending them.