WAYSIDE NOTES.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume 4, Issue 383, 23 March 1880, Page 2

WAYSIDE NOTES.

BY A WAYBIDER,

It is not often that an idle waysider finds himself in a big city like Christchurch, and when such an event happens it by no means conduces to his peace of mind. When one has been accustomed to stroll along in a most leisurely manner, stopping every now and then to admire the beauties of nature, to ignite the fragrant weed, or to hold sweet converse with one of the agricultural and pastoral props of the country, who is promoting the interests of the commonwealth, and adding to his own wealth by sitting on a rail, and also indulging in the refreshing, but pernicious nicotine. I say it is hard for one accustomed to these peaceful delights to find himself one of a ruehing multitude, each member of which appears to be doing a match Against time, and certainly is unprepared to enter into the social amenitieo involved in a chat and a smoke. However, finding myself among ever such uncongenial surroundings, I nevertheless remained true to my instinct of looking about me and taking wayside notes, even though it had to be done while being hurried and jostled by an apparently frantic crowd instead of in the calmer atmosphere of Akaroan la , well, langour. What did I observe new in the Cathedral city? Well, noticeably the tram cars, the iotalisator, and Arthur Sketchley, or " Mr Scratchley," as his own creation, Mrs Brown, calls him. With regard to the tram-cars, they are no doubt a great" institution "—that's the correct term, as they are American in their origin, and entirely of American construction. The Christchurch people do not appear to have much faith in their ultimate succesa, but it is far too early to make an 3' such speculations. They have succeeded elsewhere, and there is no reason to believe that Christchurch will prove an exception to the rule. What are they like ? ; says an impatient reader. Well, the car resembles a second-class railway carriage, only that it is somewhat larger and loftier, having no fear of diminutive tunnels before its eyes. From platform at each end a-spiral iron staircase ascends to the roof on which there are two rows of seats arranged back to back—a sort of magnified " knifeboard." The motive power consists of a locomotive, which looks like an agricultural portable engine enclosed in a glass case. They run at present from the railway station to the south end of Cathedral Square via the Town Belt and Colombo street. The fare is 3d, and children are conveyed at half that modest rate. At present they seem highly popular among the juveniles, and I am credibly informed that the bun Mid lollie trade has suffered considerably since their opening. This will probably prove only a temporary effect, however, and juvenile Christchurch will return to the more ancient and legitimate method of disposing of its coppers. The cars pull up as easily as an omnibus, and are constantly being signalled. They will no doubt prove a

great public convenience, but' I'am old- ' fashioned enough to share the .prejudiced of the cab horses, and not to"" , like them'. 1 < They make too much noise, and seem altogether in too great a hurry (not thai they get along any quicker for this seem}. *• ing) to please a quiet waystder.. I mn&t I inform you that each engine carries a- pi&rjli. ■' \ of church bell, which diabolical.,instrurnen^ ! s the driver tolls in the most lugubrious • f manner every time he pulls ,up or starts;;' *" r again, or crosses a street, or sees coming, or, in short, on any/and* ev&rp:; « frivolous pretext. To counterbalance theft > % mellow baritone of the beli, the,, conducted. j carries a fiendish whistle of the' Very j est treble quality, which he k dejights inblowing on all and sundry <' addition to this, the engine lnaKe's a pre-f. tence of being overworked, andtfjuffs andjt snuffs in the moat labored mannefc ; time it has to start a car containing/aajj|fi old woman with a bandbox, a.j? lawyer , !;:? , clerk, and fourteen small boye.'\locbty&V pied a bedroom in an hotel at & corner p'aro||sf; which the tramway ran, and when I wU&& hoping to enjoy for another hour/ or tw,6t|f < the sleep of the just (time, 6 a.m:) thosraS ■ delightful noises commenced, ' arid' conj||f' tinued at intervals of five minutesj until Jfpi was driven unwillingly to try that short' - cut to health, wealth, and wisdoms-early . rising—in order to escape a greater , , evil. .'■ • & Though rather out of my line as a way- „ sider, I still could not resist the temptation of going to hear the renowned, Arthur Sketchley. This gentleman was holding " ' forth at the Academy of Music, late fH© . *' Gaiety Theatre. This place of amusement,, by the way, has been completely renovated since I last saw it. What was an „ . unsightly gallery has been turned into a tolerably decent circle, and there ie a i" pretty little stage with all necessary ap-. ■'< pointments. On the present occasion there is displayed,on the stage a small table, an easy chair behind it, a couple of reading lamps, and the orthodox bottle of water ' , , and tumbler. At eight o'clock there enters, 1 on the scene an elderly gentleman of j~ genial appearance, and full habit of body - The sort of gentleman, in fact, whom one could fancy in hie element at the head of a well spread dinner table, and whose 're? commendation of his own fine old port would certainly carry considerable weight.. Well, this gentleman enters, sits down, behind the little table, and begins to'chat > to his audience in a most unceremonious? way. Hβ first announces that he has noj intention of attempting to instruct his, hearers, next passes them the equivocal compliment that he knows he could not do so if he tried, and then gives a gentle hint that all who considered themselves intelligent beings had better laugh at the right ~ place by informing them that the only time he failed to amuse an audience was when he gave an entertainment in an asylum for idiots! It helps to make things more pleasant to know what is to be ex-. "* pected on both sides, and we naturally get along swimmingly. Of course our dear old friend Mrs Brown is familiar to your readers, and she is quickly introduced by her friend and biographer, "Mr Scratchley." The latter brings out the points of his own creation no doubt, as it is only natural to imagine he would. His facial expression is immense, thougb he is no great elocutionist, in fact he does not attempt fora moment to personate the character, but always remains the "Mr **v> Scratchley" to whom Mrs Brown is fond of recording her troubles. But. the play of feature, showing now the half nmused, f ■-'•'•■ half sympathetic look of the listener, and m now the tragic earnestness of the narrator herself is a study in itself. No description after all can convey the slightest idea of how, for instance, a few words like the following are sufficient to bring down the house:—" But Lor! that's just the way, with Brown. Open your mouth, and he's' down your throat in a minnit." I had picked up one or two other notes, but must not trespass any longer on your . space at present, and must therefore defer them till another occasion. *.