ONE THING AND ANOTHER.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume 4, Issue 325, 29 August 1879, Page 3

ONE THING AND ANOTHER.

(Collated from our Exchanges.)

The following answer was- recently given to an examiner at an examination : "What do you know of the patriarchal Adam ?" "He was the father, of Lot, and had two wives, Hishmale, and Vother Hagur; one became a pillar of salt in the daytime, and the other a pillar of fire at night." . • A A " An ambitious young clerk in a wholesale grocery establishment resolves t0..-enter the civil service, and so presents himself before the examiners. One of 'the qaes tions is, " What is coffee, and where does it come from?" "Oh, come now, you know," says the candidate ; "I can't give away the boss —allow me to plead .privilege. That's a professional secret." ../.... He sat beside her in the lave, , r ; . r And there he told his love, ' ' He told her simply that she was . - ' A tender little dove. ...-■• And while he looked into her eyes, . . And watched her smile and pout, . She murmured in angelic tones : " You horrid .thing, get out ! n ; Unknown Poet. A man who had a will of his own got on finely till he found his wife had a won't "of her own.

The Bombay Catholic Examiner says :— "We learn that Archbishop Steins, S. J., late Vicar Apostolic of Calcutta, has been nominated to the Episcopal See of Auckland, vacant for the last four years,- since 1875, when Dr Croke was translated to the Archbishopric of. Cashel." The New Zealand Freeman's Journal says :—" It may be remarked that the title of the new Bishop of Auckland is that of Archbishop, although the See to which he is now appointed still remains episcopal. Cases of that kind occur but occasional ly. Leo XIII. is another case of the same kind, for when appointed to the See of Perugia, he had the title of Archbishop, and was known as Archbishop of Perugia." The Post of Tuesday gives the following amusing description of a constable's difficulties with an oar. We cannot but fancy the tale is slightly overdrawn :—''A ladder is about the most awkward thing for a nervous man to carry, but a 14-foot oar. may be backed against it at slight odda.- Long use has accustomed suffering humanity to being rammed in the ribs by a boy running out a shutter, or knocked down at a corner by a man carrying a gaspipe. 5?o fee passing a corn factor's and be charged into the gutter by a storeman with a truck or a sack of oats is so common as to be scarcely worth a remark, or, if one is ventured, it is pretty sure to evoke the retort —' Why couldn't you keep out of the way?' A good illustration of the capabilities of an oar was witnessed in the R. M. Court this morning. The oar, a substantial specimen, was brought into Court, as evidence, by a policeman, who held it much a« he-would have handled a powder magazine— very gingerly. On entering the Court he ran the end of it into an old gentleman's back, and on hastily drawing it away, the blade chipped a large piece out of the wall behind him. Slewing round to see what injury had been done, the handle swept the sergeant's hat o_! the table and upset the ink. The constable instantly raised the end that had done this, whereupon the sharp'edge of the blade almost cut off the toe-of a brother constable. His cry of anguish brought the oar round quicker than before, and this time the witness in the box received a sharp blow in the stomach that almost knocked him out of time. Had the con stable's misadventures ended here, we should have considered the affair a capital joke ; but, unhappily for us, they did not. The howl of the witness and the roar of laughter from the lookers-on fairly lashed the unfortunate officer's feelings into acute misery, and as the only way out of his difficulties, he dropped the obnoxious propeller just as the heaviest part was exactly over the head of our representative at the reporters'table. ' Fracture of the skull' is the verdict anticipated. If the above facts are not exactly correct, we shall be happy to receive a more truthful account of the occurrence."

The Eastern Province Herald, of Poft Elizabeth, Cape of Good Hope, has the following:—" A warrant has been issued by the Resident Magistrate of Swellendam for the apprehension of Robert Gray, D.D., late Secretary and Treasurer of the Divisional Council of Swellendam, on a charge of theft by means of embezzlement of rates collected by him for that Council. This is another instance of a life wasted by dissipation. ■ Robert Gray was a cultured man, and possessed of considerable abilities. He was also, in younger days, a great athlete, and was of the order of 1 sporting parsons.' He came to Natal eeveral years ago as Dean for Bishop Colenso, and for some time was respected and popular. He oould preach a fine sermon, and possessed a highly accomplished, wife, who was a gifted vocalist, and a valued assistant at all the fashionable concerts. People used to rush to the Cathedral on days of high festival, not only to hear the Bishop or Dean preach, but also to hear Mrs Gray sing. By-and-by strange stories began to leak out, and eventually it became known that the Dean was not all that he should be. He left Natal suddenly, and was understood to have gone up-country. Later on he was heard of in tbe Cape Colony, and now he is an outlaw, with a grave charge against him." ' A very religious old lady being asked b.J3F opinion of the new organ in the Church, just after she had heard it for the first time, replied : " It's a very pretty kist o' whistles, but, oh 1 it's an awfu' way "to spend the Sabbath." Teacher : " What part of speech is the word egg ?" Boy : "Noun, sir." " What is its gender ?" Cant say, sir, till it's hatched." " Well, then my lad, you can't tell me tho case ?" " Oh, yes, sir,—the shell 1"