THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume 3, Issue 296, 20 May 1879, Page 2

THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

•« coiftli. the: iJHiNosr^"'!;j j •] '.-£,. .-iEy4ryday!lJipp.rieric-|si"j ,1 Jt; h&ve ,a fdreadful attackcul the dismals. I've Jbeen within an ace of having snakes,in my boots once more.! Thejtruth is I discovered''a?confiding and; I went for him and'his liquors : with, such alacrity of auction that the end of the chapter was as aforesaid.; jMy old employer Garwood, however, -saved me. Dropping into thepub. j-yhich Icondescended to honor he espied __.$: 'J Why, Jack," said he, " in the oldlstateVfiltny [in persptt_,*i|Eerisim to the eye n smelling like, an empty ruin' ""barrel." ,"That's roe," was,.tny. rejoinder, "rutais the tipple, >*. arid bo' all of uaj- which nobody can deny, till daylight does a£>--pear." "Listen to me, you besottedidiot," was the playful rejoinder of the irate James—putting his back up too, "you know something.o£ the.R. M.sCourt and its ways of doing " " Sweet and low," I chirruped, "1 have been there, and still will go, 'tis like—ten shillings and costs, and if you bring that ugly mug of yours here again* I'll- " " Dry up," roared my vis-a-vis, "and put this in one of your insane lucubrations :—I had occasion to sue a gentleman Of the Slippery Dismal School for a debt; the summons was got, and my rhino for the same was collared, a day was appointed for the hearing, but before that day arrived Mr Dismal had levanted to Christchurch and figured as a bankrupt. Now, this is where the uselessnesa of the R. M. and his Court comes in. Mr Dismal treats the R. M., his summons, his Court, and his judgment with, contempt, by taking no notice oi' either him or his decrees. My money is taken from me for justice. witch he cannot ;g*iy'e vn'e.. Why should I bo mulcted by both Dismal" .and the Court? Jack, yon confirmed 'tip'plist, is ; this justice, _ is this ■" " HiiT-gec. if I. kr...v.," _.-.ii_. _, Old Mr Socirate3*tolQ someone that—; ; "It is the pleasure ol the gods—-that what is m conformity with justice shall also be in conformity to the laws.,' " Much cry and little wool." 'as our darwinian relative remarked— soilo voce— whgft. he performed the torisorial operation 4>nDennis O'Porkus. What am -driving- at ? Why, most unsophisticated of Wigginses, I am just going; to prance around Kipg Jacobus; the First, and wade just smajl pumpkins into that railway terminal -meeting. What a glorious onslaught of empty eloquence was there! Brother Snore,.. "in j all his glory," arrayed his figures oi -£•-■.<*]_••

in sweet cadences and promiscuous h s Davibus Writighticus Nautilus was floundering out of his depth in a sea of metaphor and bald-headed platitudes. Billy P., remembering the old adage that " a still tongue makes a wise head," only expec- . torated a trifle, leered wickedly at alfemale" auditor, and " hoped he intrude." The " Capting "—well, he was the captain, and did his level best ; while above all King Jacobus the First was enthroned like " Timotheus on high." All this, how. ever, is as nothing to what, was. to, but did not, follow. An influential, deputation of Brother Snorey- arid "iSd.-,; headed by ..King Jacobus, was to" interview a"' .cndw-ing official, and Brother S., with his confreres, went into active training accordingly. The official duly came, he saw, but Brother . Unorey did not conquer him, for—" tell it .riot in Gath " —when Brother S. had marshalled his forces for the interview business it was discovered, Brother S?s "disgust, that the official bird had "hopped the twig," and was drifting Pigeon Bay wards under the careful guardianship of " Good Looking Robert." Oh sweet" somr-olehey, what have you not got to answer for V' As Wes Chamberlain remarked to me: , "Ah, Jack— " The melancholy days have come, ... r The sadflestof the year,. n,. , ;_ When meri run bills all ovei* town; I ' Then swiftly disappear." Who does riot know that "rare ould Irish jintleman, one of the ancient time," yclept Dennis O'Seafield, .and who, around these diggings, has riot heard " the voice of the charmer "ItTßiipowe-rfulljr moving narations of fact and 1 fiction—principally the his larid-hriritirig earpedftions. It is iir eqnnectionjwith his latest land-hunting idiosyncrasy that Dennis has trod upon the softest of my Soft corns, and, in my opinion, has just out-dennised Dennis! The paginal ianius" has been personifying rue in his hunting greed for filthyr acres,- and has Jiadmein his own person kicked put. of bed arid board ; '.has- brought the -tattered; ; remains of my i character, i.ntp, disr,eput;e .with one |« dacent mapi'v and has, altogether' so ruined the reputation of the sundowriing family, by endeavoringto _ pasß. oft, ■.his spurious imitation : as genuine coiri,'that mo and my. mates will stand but a poor show if we put our noses anywhere in *the Wairarapa district. . How did it happen? Well, just this Way :—Dennis got a severe attack of earth f«ver, and, as usual with him when in that lamentable condition, went in for. • a ; . purser'e name and a blackguardly ' appearance —the latter is rough ion _nys_.fi but'" pity 'tis >tis true.*? Screecher must have lent Dennis my swag and billy—l left them- wifli S- as. for an unliquidated liquor! bill-fr-fqiL-TS.. turns up in;tha North Island aa;asun- . downer, takes lodgings' at a shanty such, as ,we patronise) pumps the natives, spots soil, purchases, arid loaf a around the hash house so meanly that at last the proprietor kicks him out, being thoroughly disgusted iwithhib, apparently, disreputable lodger.! ; Judge,.!! you .Call of: that,hash maker's. | surprise,when,'in a, dayior. after the, ! kicking out, the grub turned Into a huttep-j jfly, and the whilome sundowner,' appeared •as Mr Dennis afistbtirat' 'and land jobbist. * As the "Divine Wil- ! lianas'' pute it:— •.■_*•':■*. "Disguise, I see, thou art a wickedness, "~- I Wherein ,tbe pragn'Snt''|n6iriyidc.-S Inueh.) ' How easy iq it for -the pr ( oper (false In women'.' : waisy to '"set their . L-'. fofp&k';.,./; ._'/ -7/: i ■_' , Alas, our frailty is the cause, not we: = For, Buch as we~are~made of, such we : T-.'be." ■;,: ;. .=•.;. ; f-.ry Mfl'j' 1 This mentioning of! the' sN6-th. llslaiiti reminds me that one .of/"my (former ;emi! ployers has " pulled foot"; for that .region.. We all know that he is there or thereabouts, in picking vp r cracking, knd 'enjoying a' joke 5 and that nothing can take place within his powers of 'Kea'r- l! ing and sight withouthis "taking.a note' 1 of it." Thus he writes to a mutual friend: " Old Jack " —he. means me, the, disrepur:. table varmint—"gasses a bit about his old lady friend and her torturing of *themother tongue, but I dropped across a'specimen-on our passage to Wellipgtjjiri-that will take the conceit out of Jack's article. 'Twas in this wise :--The old lady was so sick— sic so say the-ignorant latins--when to her comes the '■■ stewardess and affably enquires-r-' Will, you take acup of coffee, Ma'am ?' 'Tofi.ee, said the old lady, looking horrified,,.'"why I never could eat it, bur Mary Jane - lost mo.t j of her teeth through it, and '■— - * Coffee,' repeiated the stewardess, and ■ yes, thank you,* ended that chapter. There was, however, a worse case on board, a young instead of .an old lady being the sinner ; she was ill, but not too ill for a mild go in of flirtation. I mildly suggested that perhaps' aromatic vinegar might do * her and was met with a—'No, thank you, my brother Bob has been suffering from sciatica for some time, and he tried'it withqut any beneficial effect, so none of your a—-rheumatic' gar for me, Mister !'" is that for high, John Beecher ? • All of which'puts me in mind that-— " A bull frog sat on the bank of a stream, And the bull frog wondered why It must alwayß live in mud and water, While all the birds could fly. A reverend tui perched on a, limb, And gazed at the bull frog there. And the tui wished he could only awim, . And not always fly in the air." Good-bye. j