CLEARING UP THE GLOOM.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume 3, Issue 245, 22 November 1878, Page 3

CLEARING UP THE GLOOM.

(From the Cincinnati Breakfast- Table.) " I'll tell you how it is," said Quiggles "to a friend who was complaining of being crowded into a corner. " You can make a fortune by going into bankruptcy, if -your debts are only big enough to make it •an object. Tbe more you owe, the more you make, don't you see ?" " No I'll be smothered if I do," said the unfortunate friend. " I owe enough, the Lord knows, if that's all you want; but liow I'm to pay even fifty cents on the •dollar, and have anything left to commence •over again, is one of the things I can't see into."

"But you don't want to pay your debts, man. Well, but yon are a green un—that is -too good. Pay! Ha! ha! What are you going* to fail for?" "Coz I can't help it. Bang it all, what •are you laughing about ?" '•But you can't afford to fail in these liard times unless you can make a snug thing out of it. You mustn't plunge headlong into ruin with your eyes shut," said •Quiggles, adjusting his diamond pin.

"Mustn't I?"

"No 1 Never in the world. Have your -wits about you, and keep your bead cjear. Don't let the trouble worry you into fogi_ging your brain with too much drink. "Wouldn't do at all. Keep your eye peeled, «nd watch for the mam chance."

" Yes —yes; I see. But how ?"

"You must appoint your own receiver, •and be sure to select the worst muttonhead you can find. Get a man that don't know enough to drive a cow, and toojazy to add up a column of figures even if he knows how.' If you can find an ignoramus that can't read, "'so much the better. Make him believe there ain't hardly anything to divide, and you can buy him off •cheap."

" So, ho, that's the way, is it ? Go on, I'm learning fast."

"If the man you get is green enough, and not too blamed awkward to stumble on to the true state of things accidentally, you won't have a bit of trouble. Whack up with him right on the start, chuck his eyes chock full of dust, keep your own counsel, and rake in the pile." " Bui the creditors—what are they to

do ?"

"Them? Oh, they can hold the bag, and take what dropn, but you take mighty good care to hold the screen, steady and see that nothing gets through. Play it fine, and your he<*led, old boy, mark me. I'm talking by the book, for I've been there myself, you know." And Quiggles consulted his magnificent ■stem-winder and said it was about his •time of day to refoeslL.