THRUE AN' FAITHFUL ACCOUNT O' THE OPENIN'.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume 3, Issue 226, 17 September 1878, Page 3

THRUE AN' FAITHFUL ACCOUNT O' THE OPENIN'.

(By "Piddy Murphy" in the Saturday Advertiser.) Me Cousin Mick's City Hotel, Dunaidin, September 8. Ay coorse yer tin thousand readhers will be looking Out anxiously for yer humble sarvint's account o' the Openin' o' the Railway, an' the thrip down from Willington, an' begorra I'm sorry for, it, for I've the divil's own head-ache to-day afther last night's banket, an', iv konsiquince, I'll not be able to give ye sich a graffic report as I might have sint ye under more propishious sarcumstances. Howsomever, I'll thry an' give ye a brief outline o' the dimonsthration. Ay coorse ye know that mesilf an' the Markiss kum down to Lyttelton in the a ymphe, whilst the rest o' the boys thravelled in the Hineymo-an' Taupo. Only two mimbers o_. the Ministhry, besides mesilf, kum down, as the rest o' me collaige are busy makin' out our bills' bekaise it's the beginning o' the month. Me two fellow Ministhers, Misther Stout an' Farmer Fisher, wint aboord the Hineymo, but the Markiss insisted that I should travel wid him in the Nymph c, which landed in Port Cooper a day sooner thin the other mimbers. Begorra we got a grand recipshun in Christchurch, so we did. Five bould warriors, mounted on hansom chargers( splendid kab horses, out o' complimint to the Kabinit), wid dhrawn soords, galloped afther the Viceraygil carriage to the Club, where our party put up. Thin kum Docthor Fosthor. robed in his a-cad-dam-ical kostchume, looking as proud as a newly-married

pay-cock. The sthreets wor lined wid the most intinse enthusism, only there was so much dust that ye couldn't see it, an' the two mm an' a boy, who are keepin' the ruins n' tho knthedhril in ordher, stopped their wheelbarrows to gaze on the coortage as it passed. On the Thursday, mesilfan' the Markiss opened the Musaim, which is a great place intirely, so it is. Talk about moas, an' monkeys, an' whales, an' rhino-soar-us-is, an' such like baists, 'pon me conshinse it has no aiquail in New Zayland ; but for donkeys it's not to be minshioned in the same breath as Willinton at this season o' the year, so it's not. On the Thursday night, ay coorse, we attinded the , mayor's banket. This wos one o' the most illigant affairs I've ever pathronised. The tables groaned undher the plates, an' tumblers, an' wather-jugs, an' ivergreens, an' corn-tongues, an' spoons, an' knives, an'forks »n' jellies, an' hlue-monges, an' yallow-monges, an' red-monges wid here an' there a bottle ay claret an' a decainther ov sherry to relaive the plisint monotony o' the festive seen, whilst at the Vice-raygil md o ? the table, where me an the Markiss sat, there was three whole bottles ay rale shampain, the divil a word o' lie in it. His Worship's liberality was most magnanymous, an I'm tould on good authority that the gintlemin o' the press, who wor privileged to sit up above in the reporthers coop, wor thrated to a small bottle o' rodhero, betchune tin o' them. Sich ginerosity desarves to be rekorded. I'll not throuble you wid a report ay the spaiches. They wor grand orashuns intirely, so they wor, an' Docthor Turnbull surpassed himself, but it was a mortial pity that he cut his spaich so short. lie wound up wid the folio win' poetic piroration, which he thranslated himself from the Moorish language :— '* Whin I remimber all The '* tots" we've had together When cronies used to fall Like-rlaives in dusty weather, I feel like one who dhrinks alone, Chaip wine Avid cork long started, The flavours's fled, the sperrit's dead, An' all the stringth departed." Afther the bankit our party returned to the Club, an' tuk a few tumblers o' punch to sittle our stomiks, an' keep off the nightmare. Thin we had a six-handed game o' forty-fives, as it wasn't worth while turnin' in afore the time o' startin'. Mesilf, the Markiss, an' Pat O'Rell, our aid-to-kong (Frinch), wor partners, whilst Major Lain, Kaptin Townsind, an' George M'Lean, wor our veeseyvees (Frinch). We bait thim two out o' three, owin' to me shuparior knowledge o' the game. The Major timed to chaite once or twice, but I was too knowin for him. These ould sojers are up to all kinds o' .bricks, so they aro. An' now for a condinsed account o' THE THRIP. It was a glorious mornin'. The purple fingers ay Appollo (a haythin god) wor dhrawin' aside the crimson curtins from the gooldin couch o' Sol in the gorgeous west, an' the deep boomin' ay the mighty ocean seemed to sing pay-ins in honour ay the occashion. The grand voice ay the say an' the main seemed to say " Success to the main line o' railways," an' as I pondhered on the murnful. dirges o' the deep, I exclaimed wid Tinnyson— " Break, break, break, On thy conld grey r stones, 0 say, An' I would that me tongue could utther, 'That this line is sure to pay.'" An' now the fog-horn blows, the guards jump aboord, an a thrimindehious cheer bursts from the stintorian lungs ay one juvenile pathriot as he waved a dirty little pockethankercher in the mornin' breeze, an' cries '• hooray." Whiz, whiz, whizing we go be paddock, field, garden, an' plain, an' as the clock sthrikes eight, the towers ay Ashburton loom in the distance, an' the Markiss whispers to me " Be the hokey, I'm ready for breakkust, Paddy." Arrivin' at ASHBURTON, an addhress is prisinted to us, exprissin' loyalty, etcethra, an' we rush over to the Town Hall, where a very nate raypast greets our oilfacthory narves. Afther breakfast we inspected a fine Bullock that tuk first prize at the Corporation Show a few days before. We jump aboord again and rush across the plains to Timaru. As we come close to this important say-port, Misther Wakefield points out the breakwather to us in the distance through the tiliscope ay idayality. Arrivin' at timaru, _ we recaive a perfect ovation. Thriumphal arches, an' flags, an' banners, an' po-shays take us for a dhrive round the town, an' in half-an-hour we return and make another start, laivin' siviral ay our passingers behind us.

(To be continued.)

A good story is told of one Boggs, whose impertinent curiosity was proverbial throughout the country that owned him. lie was on one occasion travelling on the Little Miami Railroad alongside a solemn-looking man, who persisted in looking out of the window, and took no heed of Boggs' endeavours to enliven the journey with a little conversation. At last the breakman or guard came Tound with some water, ami the unsociable traveller turned round to take a drink. Seizing the chance, Boggs asked : •' Going as far east as New York ?" " No," grunted the man. " Ah !" said Boggs, " New York is dull this time of the year ; mebbe you're striking for Philadelphia ?" The surly one shook his head. " P'raps Cleveland's your destination I" insinuated Boggs. " No ? Can't be going this roundabout way to Chicago?" No reply was vouchsafed. " Well," cried

Boggs, despairingly, " I s'pose you've no objection to telling where you are going?" "Well, sir," exclaimed the man, " I'm going for seven years." The irishman who undertook to show an exciseman a private still, and introduced him to his brother, who had been twelve years in the army and was a private still, sold the guardian of the revenue very neatly ; although it is possible the victim of the joke did not see the fun of tl)»> thing, any more than the official of the North London Railway Company did, when overhearing a thirdclass passenger aver that anyone could travel from Bioad street to Dalston Junction without a ticket, as he had done only the day before. The traveller not proving communicative, the zealous railway servant conveyed a coin into his hand, and then asked ; " How did you go to Broad street to Dalston Junction yesterday withont a ticket ?" " Oh," was the unwelceme reply," I walked !"