THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume 3, Issue 210, 23 July 1878, Page 2

THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

Bravo ! Bravissimo ! Fortissimo!

"Jester's G-ags."

"Thunders, of applause" from John Sundowner and eyqrjL~o_ther reasonable being resident or sojourning within the County of Akaroa, do ye deserve Messieurs the Members of the Lake and Railway Trust. May your families increase in the land, and your monetary- , "circumstances .flourish like a young Ngaioj' "which growelh up and is cut"—That isn't it; must try back, " hole in the ballad " somewhere. May—confusion seize that " Grub street hack " of an ink-spiller who has been trying his cruellest best to injure the child of your adoption, by putting it between wet sheets, whilst singing what this damp nurse would have you suppose was a sweet lullaby in praise of the scheme. Wonderful old women are some of these paper stainers, " admirable Crichton's " are they in their own estimations; nothing comes amiss to their rapacious maws; they are always prepared alike to gush or condemn things and subjects which the chances are they neither comprehend or even have a superficial knowledge of; great fluency of expression, making up for the want of the latter necessity. Egotism, pedantry, dictatorialistn. the assumption of superiority, are all atributes of the we—we'll cut them ; " Coventry " must be their " city ef refuge." What I meant to have expressed—only larrikin like I must up with a figurative stone and shy it—was commendative of the labors of the trust and unqualified approbation of their public spirited and gratuitous efforts

to cany out successfully the duties for which they were elected. It is but seldom that I dip into the waters of eulogy, but when I think it is deserved I am just going to scoop and scatter the commodity— that's me. Boys ! Jack's lUile«finger is elevated in your honor," the rosy" trickles down. "Now, by my soul, and by these hoary hairs, I'm so o'erwhelm'd with pleasure that I feel A latter spring, within my 'wither'd limbs, ': \ That shoots me out again.";

"Talking of game preserving," said a diminutive individual, who seemed extremely fond of the sound of his own voice |in a bar argument at Trencher's, " Why, there is nothing much to preserve, And as to poaching, it is all fudge as regards this district. Now, for instance, here is Nedson, who has the name of being an outrageous poacher, which he really is not. I know that he occasionally sells a few head of what he calls pheasants, and that people, who are wise in their own conceit, buy them, pay him for them, and 'covertly consume what they foolishly believe to be surreptitiously acquired game, but he has them' (the buyers) beautifully. " Say,.. Nedson, if Trencher will forgive' j you for \ the tricks you have ' played* upon him .when in his einpldy, will * you make a clean breast of it, and tell the truth about the the pheasants you have sold him?" " Yes, I will," said Nedson. •• AU right then," acquiesced Trencher, " I will forgive anything you may have done, and shout for you into the bargain." Quoth Nedson: " You remember, Mr Trencher, when I worked for you you complained of losing your fowls, and thought quite a dozen must have been taken. I knew better; I knew you lost but half a dozen, and this is how I knew it: I had oh six different occasions sold you a pheasant, picked, drawn, and dressed for the table, you paying me three shillings for each bird. Those pheasants came out of your fowl house, and, true as I am a living man, you gave me' three shillings each for your own fowls, which I had merely fettled up and disguised a bit. You wore satisfied. I'll have rum in that shout, if you -please, Mr Trencher." Trencher's peculiar glare at this glibly given information I leave to be imagined, "To those who know him not, No words can paint, And those who know him know All words are faint." "Times and oft" I break the tenth commandment by coveting the acquirements of my more learned fellows. I feel like that now, I hunger for the descriptive powers of an " immortal Williams," —not "the people's Williams"—or a Boucicault. I would like to dish up in proper dramatic form the|serio-comic musical melodrama, with tdblenus, that was recently enacted about and around the iron safe located in the Borough Council Chamber, ! but I am seriously afraid that my powers fall far short of being able to do justice to so momentous a theme. Here goes, however. Dramatis persona : —Galen, an apothecary. McFiley, a Donnybrook Scotchman. Adonis, a lover, with a ''little song." Codger, a conspirator and safe custodian. Leach, the man with a grievance, and a patter topical song, with key accompaniment. Mines Gin, an ob tuse valetudinarian. Villagers, Bobbys, a Beak, &c, &c. Synopsis of events, «cc. Opening chorus, with chromatic passages of discord, during which Galen limps and Codger falters to their thrones. Production of a trebly sealed envelope, followed by the grand trio " Take back those keys you gave me," by McFiley, Adonis and Leach. Solo by Galen, •' Not if I knows it, not for Joe." Recitative, by Mines Gin, "Oh dear, what can- the matter be." Duet, •• Pull, pull together, boys,", Adonis and Leach. Grand medley chorus, with lull orchestral accompaniment, commencing with "Lightly tread,"and ending with "Sherman's march."; During the execution of this, the trebly sealed envelope again figures, Codger sighs audibly, Galen frowns ominously, McFiley whispers disjointedly, Mines Gin groans dolefully, Ado.nis hums airily, Leach' expectorates bravely; the seals are examined, then broken, when tableau one, the producing and key collaring takes place. "Spell oh." The '• march" endx at the safe, when Leach's topical ditty, with the key accompaniment is given, followed by Codger's ballad of '• All is lost now." McFiley commences the " Anvil chorus " "forenirist yez," Galen—will give me three months if he has a show. Never mind—•

" In every life some rain must fall, Some days be dark and dreary."

"From information received." It's about "the force" and the forcible way they have of occasionally, interfering with the liberty of the subject that I am going to dilate upon. ■ It does not matter which of "the force" it is or where the location he honors with his presence is situated , , but for the.purposes of this truthful narrative we will suppose it to be say a score of miles from the nearest magisterial centre. Now, it so happened, as such things will happen, that trade had been very dull, for some time prior to the date we write of, with Mr Robert Peeler. Drunks and petty larcenies would not be caught in the act, consequently Mr P. began to look as blue as his uniform, and to think that it was of necessity for him to do a something , to keep up his character for efficiency. In despair he took to studying that soul-expanding publication called the Police Gazette, , when a bright idea suggested itself to him, it was that, perhaps, if he took a turn round his district he might drop upon an unwary "wanted." No sooner thought of than done, off starts Mr P. on his •' wanted " picking up expedition, and, sure enough, he bags a man whom he thinks will answer one of the Gazette descriptions. The next phase in this eventful history is the appearance of Mr P. and his prisoner before. a local magistrate. Says P.: "I have apprehended this man, as he answers to the description of a person that is "wanted," and I would wish, your Worship, to lay an information and get him remanded to Chrislchurch. Your Worship will find his description in this Gazette" " Take off your hat, my man," said the magistrate, " and let me see you properly. Hum, so tliis man answers to the Gazette description, does he, Peeler ?" " Yes. your Worship." was the reply. "Well," repliedthe dispenser of justice, "I have heard of color blindness before, but never had a case come under my personal observation, the person described in this notice is said to have dark hazel eyes and brown hair, whilst—excuse me, my man—the person you Jjring before me here has a

villainous squint, with eyes of an undecided color, and his hair is the color of a, fresh scraped carrot; besides, the person you have taken him for was apprehended in Christchureh some time since. You can go, my man." So he did, nnd so did the energetic Mr P. What snys sweet Genevieve de Brabant anent this kind of thing, why, just this:—

We are active, sharp, and wary, And when wanted always there ; That is if there is nary Anything at all to dare. But our strongest point's detection— When a man's described to us, We run 'em in. run someone in, Though he may be quite a different cuss, We run 'em in, rum someone in, No matter what he's like, its all the same to us.

Bless yer.