THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume 2, Issue 165, 15 February 1878, Page 2

THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

o " Save me from my Friends."

" Proverbial Philosophy."

If I held the exalted and vulnerable position of Chairman of the Okain's Road Board, I think I should, in my fashion, pray to be saved from such friends as " Veritas" and " David Wright, Clerk to the Board." Yes, Mr Barker, just petitionise in future to be delivered from road board guns, old masculine women's tongues, and "aggerawatin' " question-ask-ing duns. Who is the Mr Dalglish, I wonder, who seems to act the part of Marplot to perfection, and who, by his questionising performances, appears to have stirred up as lively a hornet's nest as I should suppose he requires ? If your so-often-quoted reporter and Mr Dalglish be one and the same person, then I trust, for his own sake, that he is blessed with a cuticle of the thickness of that for which the rhinoceros receives credit; if he is thin skinned, then woe betide him. But why this laudation of the Okain's Chairman, and this howl of execration at the Mail? Why does the virtuously indignant Clerk accuse you, Sir, of doing him "injustice in an underhand manner?" Why does he try " the gag and intimidation dodge " on by telling you to " have a care," as the paragraph he quotes " looks like libel ? " Bah ! If everything is as plain and straightforward as the doughty champions say, then is there every occasion for them to thank the Mail for publishing what was hinted at as jobbery, and, by so doing, giving them an opportunity of proving the falsity of the accusation. Another query—Why does not the Chairman champion his own cause, not fight by deputy ? This is what Addison wrote :—

A friendship that makes the least noise is very often the most useful; for which reason I should prefer prudent friends to zealous ones."

How far from the intentions of the founders do the members of certain societies often act. I know of a society, with innumerable ramifications, whose principal object it is to stamp out, not only the abuse, but the use of alcoholic beverages— in fact, this is supposed to be the end and aim of each and every one of its members. Perhaps it is somewhat superfluous for me to state that I am not one of the initiated ; but this I do want known, and that is, that in relating an anecdote in reference to the reported doings of one lodge, I by no means wish to deprecate the object of the society at large, or yet to cast a slur upon its members. Now, to commence in the orthodox G. P. R. James style :—lt was toward the close of the falling year —a year memorable for blood, starvation, floods, fires, and furies —that a band of brothers assembled, as was their wont, to commune together over the ills and woes brought upon the human race through the direct agency of the demon Get-urn-tight. Many and divers, weighty and potent, serious and solemn, were the words uttered —a pall, as it were, overspread the brethren. The demon whom they cursed whispered them that the jolly time of Christmas was fast approaching, when his devotees would go in to enjoy—to use, and not abuse—the social-producing fluids which they professed to hold in horror and detestation. By my halidome, " tho serpent prevailed " —" he piped and they danced " —for those previously desponding brothers broke up their lodge with radiant smiles, for had they not agreed to close their meetings until after Christmas, when, after doing their level best, as do other men, they would condone the past by re-commencing the old crusade against the enemy. "Ma conshence."

" These violent delights have violent ends, And in their triumph die : like fire and powder, Which, as they meet, consume." The race of " janiuses " who perpetrate bulls are not yet — blessings on thim— extinct. They rise up. in unexpected places ; they confuse themselves and bewilder others when least expected ; they are irrepressible ; '' age cannot wither, nor custom stale, their infinite variety ; " they are " here, there, and everywhere." Of all places in the world where one would least expect to find a specimen bull utterer are, one would suppose, the hallowed halls devoted to borough eloquence and soulsubduing, drought-quenching " incidents." Yet, in the dim recesses of this mysterious sanctuary, the voice of a Spanish Don, of the Hightalian persuasion, is occasionally heard giving utterance, in resonant and spirit-stirring tones, to absurd contradictions, which from any other lips would sound ridiculous, but from his they seem to fall unctuously and right. The latest occasion ol Don Pattypan M'Royalty's airing his eloquence was, so I am credibly informed, on the occasion of a debate upon, or rather, concerning, some matter in which reference was made to the borough taking the control over, and exercising supervision upon, the removal of shingle

from its foreshore. In reference to this momentous matter, the Don is said to have remarked as follows :—" Foreshore, yer Wurtchip, fur the life o' me I don't see the exhibition of the foreshore being taken over by the Council ; try me utmost, I can't see the use of it; if you do it, there isn't a fut of land to be gained except wather, 'deed there isn't." After this, who will dare to say that original thinkers, original speakers, and original " janiuses " are as extinct as the Moa.

' The old thoughts never die. Immortal ' dreams

Outlive the dreamers, and are ours for aye : No thought once form'd and utter'd can expire."

We are all of us, more or less, creatures of habit and circumstance, whilst many of our acquired habits would be far better if forgotten, as in that case they would tend less to make us obnoxious to our fellow men. One of the worst acquired habits that, I am sorry to say, too many persons are troubled with, is the very annoying, and far too prevalent one of listening to the conversation of others without their leave, and, Avhat is if possible far worse, interfering in private conversations in which an opinion has not been asked, and where your company and discourse is not required. One of my friends —not a sundowner—a jolly good fellow in other respects, has cultivated this annoyance to such a degree that to interfere in the conversation of others, to ask them what they are talking about, to request the speaker to repeat his last utterances let them be ever so private, and to " put in his oar " whether it is required or not, has become to him almost second nature. Charitably, I must suppose he cannot help it, but, on the other hand, I feel thoroughly confident i that he never tries to. The other day, two gentlemen were conversing concerning a humourous paragraph which they had been reading in the Mail, a paragraph which spoke of the " Inimitable Thatcher " having related a peculiar far-fetched tale to an audience in some part of the United States. While this conversation was going on, my friend happened to approach, when, hearing the word Thatcher, he thus, without any preface, burst out:— "Thacker! I know him, first-rate fellow, out and out good sort, lives in Okain's Bay ; nothing mean about Thacker ; believe me, Thacker is a trump, but you fellows don't know him." The fellows looked astounded; they did not know Thacker, but they, without a word, took my friend's praises of his friend as being just and true, and did not undeceive him as to the nature of the conversation which he had so rudely interrupted. " Ye mysterious powers, Whose ways are ever gracious, ever just, As ye think wisest, best, dispose of me ; But -whether through your gloomy depths I wander, Or on your mountains walk, give me the calm, The steady smiling soul, where wisdom sheds Eternal sunshine and eternal peace." So Long.