THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume 2, Issue 153, 4 January 1878, Page 2

THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

" So let the World Jog Along as ' IT WILL." ■ Old song—' . Free and Easy," Splendid opportunity this to "improve the occasion," a Iα that unctuously oleaginous holder-forth of Dickens' creation, the Rev. Mr Chadband ; but no, I cannot descend to such a level; the " whited sepulchre " line of business is not Jack's; the advent of this year of grace, 1878, will "see enough wearisome platitudes, oft reiterated truisms, and dismal croakings chucked around, without my spattering drops out of the turbid stream of hypocrisy, or wastefully slinging ink in the little game of "follow my leader." Well, Sir, we managed to pull that industrial show through about right, but, Sir, it has had an awful effect on " yours to command." "1 am not myself at all;" the winner of my'priae has a deal to answer for —sleepless nights, mixed drinking daily, depressed spirits, " her bright smile haunts me still " kind of feeling, an overallish sensation that those " seducing young charms " are not for Jack, and a horrible foreboding that I can never screw myself up to the concert pitch of " going a coorting" except under the inHiience of a considerable quantity of ,( fluid material," and when I am in that ecstatic state—judging from past experiences—no one but a policeman will condescend to notice me. Ah, Sir, why should I have to cumber this earth *' sadly and lonely " when beauty beckons ; but, ah me! — just get the compositor to drop in a few lines of sighs, groans, and other dismals here. No, thank you, Johnson, it isn't a rope I require—a- stiff nip of rum is more my form. " This lone heart is thine, lassie, charming" and fair, This fond heart is thine, lassie dear; Nae warld's gear hae I, nae oxen nor kye, I've naething, dear lassie, but a pure heart to gie."

Petty peculations are far too common. The difference between meum and tuum seems,, by some, never to have been understood, or, if comprehended "once upon a time," to be completely forgotten in " tliese latter days," where the art of acquisition —"honestly if you can"—lms to "play second fiddle'• to the "collar what isn't his'n ; " and, while on this subject, let me remark how sorry I am to know that the efforts made by acclimators toward stocking the Peninsula with game are being sadly marred by the systematic raids of poachers. Paltry thefts, not poaching thefts, is my theme, however. Most householders have suffered, more or less, from having had firewood and other articles of domestic consumption stolen — eggs and chicks as well, eh, Councillor Annand—but few of them have been robbed and ha J insult added to injury in the same way as has my good motherly hostess'of "Garwood's Hou.se on the Hill Top." The lady in question is in ;he habit of having goods brought over from Akaroa by the steam launch, which goods are landed, and sometimes left for a night, on the Barry's Bay jetty. Recently, a case of grog, among, other articles, was sb brought over and left, and when examined in the morning it was found that f6ur bottles Jjad been stolen from the case, the lid carefully replaced, and there was j written thereon—"Three bottles left in ■the store, and Mat has one." To the uninitiated I may state that " Mat" is the master of the'launch, a staunch Good Templar, and a prominent member of the G. Growlers, and. oh jimmy, when he read that inscription, didn't he use the privileges of the latter order. True, isn't it, Captain ?

" The light of other days is faded, And all their glory's past; For grief with heavy wing hath shaded The hopes too bright to last." " The longer one lives the more one learns " in a truth beyond dispute. I did think that when I-lately expatiated upon undeveloped talent, and stated a remarkably good case of such, that I had about exhausted " trade in that line." I

" reckoned without my host," or, rather, I reckoned without reckoning what a host there are of geniuses, and how their gigantic discoveries break forth - upon the astounded world as tim& rolls on. As aquatics were recently in fashion, and as

I believe in the old adage that " one may as well be dead as out of the. fashion," I went in to do a little of " my barque is on the sea, and Jack is in the scuppers" fakement. Of course I was no novice— I knew when " the sun was over the foreyard " as well as any old barnacle, and for "splicing the main brace," having a magnificent mouth for singing out. shivering the timbers, pulling the wrong ropes, and scattering adjectives, I flatter myself I am "as good as hero and there one." Yes, of course, this was how it was : —Thwart, Gun wale,.Yokeline, I, and " another coon" went out in Thwart's boatfoi a little practice, and to give our biceps a trifle of play. I have an idea we created a little sensation anion g the girls on the wharf, more especially when we '* girded up our lions " — poor Arteinus Ward — " and waded in." All went well, no one was hurt, "the other coon," who was forward, brightened up and tried to whistle " See the conquering hero comes," we dashed in for the jetty, when all at once Thwart sang out '• too much way on, fend her off there forward.' I turned round, when what should I see but " the. other coon " tugging hard at the boat's painter, and labouring under the hallucination that by so doing he was stopping her way. '• The other coon" wondered what that grinning was for, but— (> Consideration like an angel came, And whipp'd the offending Adam out of him."

" How sad it is to say farewell " is one of the many bitter experiences that even so exalted a personage as a Mayor has to feel, and how trebly sad it must be to v say farewell " to " the one ewe lamb," the solitary pet, whose coming forth '' into this wicked world " occurred during the year of official life. I was present, Sir, shaking with grief, when the dread time arrived for his late worship to deliver up to his present worship the keys of the cradle in which reposed that "ducksy wucksy " and li petsy wetsy," the idolized seal. I looked round at wet nurse M'Tavish, the scene was too much for her, a crystal drop of genuine sorrow " waved in the wind" from the end of her proboscis, and dropped with a startling thud to the floor. His present worship " shook'like an aspen." the tails of his dress coat hanging down limply sympathetic ; his " right hand forgot its canning," and could neither pat the pet. or yet embrace it. The councillors looked on at this heartrending scene, the doleful dismals were plainly depicted on each elongated visage. Councillor Quackearly rubbed his stomach, and groaned in latin; Honest John "ventilated" ,a howl; Smilings hummed very lugubriously a stave of the " old hundredth ;" the Marquis commenced the first line of the " seven penitentiale; " and poor Billy P. up in a corner sniffed a subdued response. " 'Twas impressive, but 'twas harrowing ! " Wet nurse M'Tavish was the first to "subdue sorrow," she knew the talisman to cure "this mighty woe," her expansive brow brightened, she uttered the magic word "incidents," and in a motnent " a change came o'er the dreary scene."

" Be still, sad heart, and cease repining, Behind the clouds is the sun still shining Thy fate is the common fate of all, Into each life some rain must fall." Adieu.