THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume 2, Issue 143, 30 November 1877, Page 2

THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

"On the Sands ! On the Sands !" " Ethiopian Minstrelsy."

That scheme of public baths for Akaroa seems to have •* gone,-where the good niggers go," and all interest in this much wanted, desideratum has gone in company with it. Retrograde advancement' this, and a kind of "go a-starn" policy which speaks anything but creditably for the Akaroaites, or of their desire to make of their town a watering place and sanitorium for Canterbury. I must repeat what I continually hear — "Nature has done a lot for Akaroa, but the bulk of the inhabitants seem too mulish to exert themselves in properly developing and utilising the many good gifts which has been thrust around their homes." Isn't there a great deal more of truth than untruth in this and similar remarks which are being continually made by visitors to this delectable spot ? Who but the most obstinately obtuse can for a moment deny the necessity which exists for public baths —a necessity in a great many ways, some of which I will briefly enumerate. In an £ s. d. sense, baths are a necessity ; good bathing accommodation would be an extra inducement to bring visitors thiswards ; for the purposes of health, bathing is invaluable; for safety's sake, proper bathing places are a necessity, as we certainly cannot deny the fact that the harbour is not entirely free from those " scavengers of the seas" called sharks; for decency's sake, let us have a bathing place, properly conducted ; the " human form divine "has " twists " in it; we are not all blest with the contour of ** Venus," as the nude subjects displayed on the beach and in the briny too often show. Have you given up with the rest, ' sweet Nonnanby ? Don't say ; with Moore :—

" 0, ever thus, from childhood's hour, I've seen my fondest hopes decay ; I never loved a tree or flower, But 'twas the first to fade away."

There are some things that " no fellah '" can understand, "aw weally yaw know," and there certainly is one thing, that I don't understand, and which I certainly give best to.. What am I deluding to, as Mrs Malaprop would say. Why, I am alluding to those deluding figurative- embellishments which are : honoured by the cognomen of the borough accounts. Those arrangements, so far as published, floor me, and knock rue into .a metaphorical "cocked hat." I have either read or "dreamt in my-liquor," that auditors were appointed, whose duty it.waa. to \\ explain and bajance such accounts," and patiently ihave.l waited to see the itemised accounts of debit., and credit, together with the explanatory report, which should accompany the balance-sheet. I am not up in municipal law, nor any other law, except '- five shillings and costs, which the Bench will double next time you are here." I know that too well, but it strikes my meagre intellect that, law or no law, the burgesses are entitled to know the borough's financial position—not only as to receipts and expenditure, but also as to what has.been spent, how it has been spent, and from whence derived.' Ami right, Brudder Black, or any oder man ? An oft-quoted argument used by that great lawyer, Sir John Powell, was :— " Let us consider the reason of the case. For nothing is law that is not reason." Very much against the grain, but I cannot avoid dropping the cynic pro tern. in order that I may state how pleased I feel at noticing the hearty manner in which the local industrial scheme has been taken up and responded to. Ladies! yours truly—that's me, not "Venus," he has deserted me, and got himself more " cut up' ? and "mixed" than ever. I am proud to bear that you intend to compete for my shirt—no, ho, I don't mean the ragged

signal of distress that I fly minus buttons and a wristband—prize, more power to you all, but don't forget that I am still open to a matrimonial engagement, and, although a lone orphan, am ready to drop sampling mixed liquors. "* This is not the " conversation lozenge "/anyway, I did not mean to write the 'foregoing, but, having done it, leave it so. In connection with this exhibition I notice what must be an omission on th*e part of the committee, I do not see that the Mayor is taking any part in the matter. I think this is an error which you, James, and your cronies, the Clargy and Secretary, should see about amending. You never see the one figuring but what the other two are sure to be in it. I fancy that his Worship should not only be a leader, or rather the leader, in this general show business, but that he should be requested to gr, through some opening ceremonial. His Worship's term of office will be about expired, and it would be a graceful act on the part of the committee to request him to open the first local industrial show that has been held in Canterbury, if not in the colony; it would be a fitting termination to his " officious composity," as it was termed. Petty affair! Well, it may be a petty affair, but I am riot one to jeer at "the day of small things;" from small beginnings we get large results. James I Jack •' looks tovards yer, and likevise vinks."

" The cause I plead—-plead it in heart and mind ; •A fellow-feeling makes one wondrous kind."

There are no class of men among whom I can count a greater number of friends, when I am in funds, than that patientlyenduring, long-suffering, meek and lowly fraternity, yclept publicans. They're " all my fancy painted " them, they're —— I don't know so much about the balance. A few days since I was conversing with one of the weird brotherhood, the subject of our discourse being the fastidiousness and peculiar fdi'dsyncracies of some of their patrons. '• Well, Jar*k," said Boniface, "I will tell you my latest experience in, what I think, barefaced simplicity;—"l,asusual with me, laid in bed a little later than usual on Sunday morning ; when I got up I found a note from a person, who is no patron of mine, requesting the loan of a white pocket-handkerchief, and imperatively demanding that I would make a gentleman, who was then at the piano, play sacred music on the Sabbath. This was a staggerer, Jack ; the gentleman in question, a station-owner, was just vamping' a few chords listlessly, to amuse hitnself, which the rabid Sabbatarian handkerchief borrower, in his excess of zeal fancied was rank profanity." " Did I tell the gentleman the contents of the note ? Well, I think I did, with some comments of my own thereupon. Ah, Jack, there's many better things than keeping a pub 1" " Yes," said I, " for instance, isn't it—

" Better to taste Hooper's beer than smell the empty glass;

Better to kiss a pretty girl than wink at a homely lass; Better to laugh o'er your own good, luck than weep o'er another's woes; Better a boil on your neighbour's leg than a wart on your own fair nose." Adieu.