THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume 2, Issue 110, 7 August 1877, Page 2

THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

" Oh, give me a cot." C. 0. D. vide B & B's Note Book,

Like most ignoramuses I am intensely superstitious ; the legends of my childhood, which at that period of my existence, were articles of faith with me, still, despite mature years, and loafing propensities, haunt my mind. Empty houses are my especial abhorrence. No sooner do I clap my optics upon an abomination of that nature, than I mentally take to filling it with the airy and unsubstantial creations of my perverted imagination; more especially do I find this the case when, after a severe ..medicinal course of whiskey, fancy and fiction usurp the place, in my mental organization, that kj ordinarily filled with guileless simplicity The sight of that unused building, which is, I am told, intended for an hospital, has set me prosing ; yet, stay, am I rightly informed ? If "the late Provincial Government erected that edifice, for the purpose above mentioned, why is it not So used ? Has anyone charge of, or control over, the building ? I was told not. An hospital is wanted for the Peninsula, then if this building is erected for that purpose, why do not our. local bodies bestir themselves and induce the Government to hand over the building,, and grant power to some local body for its governance, besides empowering them | to appoint a medical officer and hospital I attendants. Is not the Borough taxed I

for hospital and charitable purposes? I fancy it is. Then please do soniebody rouseabout, otherwise BeecherVßum, and that empty domicile, will wipe me off the state of huriiauity. Akaroa!..--Akaroa!! Surely Longfellow must have had-you in Iris imagination when he wrote :— ; > . " A region of repose it seems,., ,j ... A" place of. slumber and of-dreams, ' Remote among the wooded, .hills ! .. For there no noisy railway speeds, Its torch race scattering'smoke and gleeds." " Och, wirrasthme, wirrasthnie—Boohoo-hoo-hoo.' r This is Boucicault's way-of. introducing grief into his dramas, and' as I am just' about- Over head and ears in grievous lamentations, I .follow so eminent an example. -My tender susceptibilities have been outrageously outraged; my conceit in myself wantonly destroyed; my belief iii the gratitude .of public men knocked into chaos, and my finer' feelings rudely assailed. What had I done,! John Sundowner, that I should be, left out in the cold when the. Borough Council. were shovelling put .their thanks'to'the. MAIL ? Hav'ntT always rim those horses in good form ? Havn't lon every occasion done the square thing by them .? Hav'nt I done the monitorial, the inquisitorial, thelaudatorial, the advicegratisorial ? Hav'nt I— confound it all, the ingratitude I am experiencing, "mans inhumanity to.man," tempts me either to bury myself in the mud of Councillor Penlington's road : to hang myself from Councillor Bruce's lamppost; to drown myself in Councillor Cullen's baths, or to'name my agony at Councillor Wagstaff's bar., I think I will propose,the Jatter, second the "incident," if you. please, Councillor Annand. " I dare be bound now, if I said, Come, kiss me, I'm going away ! '• Oh! then each one would hold up his head ; But at present perniit me to say— Walker."

As the clown says in the pantomine " here we are again," slap into a teapot squabble, and that too on a subject, over which.one would have thought, it would be almost impossible to find a bone of contention. There can be no two opinions about this fabt, that the buildings used in Akaroa, for governmental.. purposes, are miserably insufficient eyesores, they are a disgrace to the Government, totally inade-. quate in size, for the business which has to be transacted within them. More.or less dilapidated, dirty and frowsily fro\Vsty, in reality, to summarise the matter, they are abominations that have outlived "their little day." We all know this ; we all want these abortions removed, and properly suitable public offices erected; yet, no sooner is a move made towards this much desired end, than a small hurricane arises as to whether the buildings are to be placed at the French, or English parts of your extensive city. What suicidal folly this is! What does it matter where such buildings are placed, so long as you can get the Government to erect them ? Are you not, by your unseemly squabbles, giving the Government a good excuse for refusing your application ? Be unanimous for once, for you may depend upon it, that the Government will place their buildings where they please, with a sublime indifference to your little Peddlingtonian and narrow-minded jangles.

" Some say. compared to Bononcini, That Mynheer Haiidel's but a ninny; Others aver that he to Handel Is scarcely fit to holdjgi candle. Strange all this difference should be Twist Tweedledum and Tweedledee."

I do admire your pluck, Mr. Chappel, you deserve to win in the cause you advocate. " Age does not wither, nor custom stale your infinite variety." Granted that you have " the worst road communication on the Peninsula," does it improve your position when you state that the "Long Bay road residents have paid far more into the district coffers, than have the residents in the Wainui district?" Is'nt that statement, my venerated place of worship, just tantamount to taking a pull at the long bow ? Stretching, you know, stretching ! Your cause is just and will stand washing, therefore, it is needless, and useless, to attempt to bolster it np by flights of imagination, .or disparaging remarks against the sensitive feelings of those who are located on "the other side of the water." ** The dripping of water will wear away the baldest rock," so will the ink dripping from your pen wear away the obduracy of the most stony-hearted Road Board opponent to the making of your road. "Go it A-hile you are young." I'll take long odds that yon will be " the foremost horse." and, of course, " will win it." I'll put my money on you, G.—that is, if I have any. " A great deal more I could say, But the least said the soonest will mend ; But this I respectfully say, Don't think that I mean to offend." Adieu.