THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume I, Issue 56, 30 January 1877, Page 2

THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

" Thine of your Head in the Morning." " Hymn of ye Monks of ye Corkscrew"(d). I long to visit Pigeon Bay and its confiding landlord. What visions of arcadian simplicity and powerful drinking rises up before my mental vision. How I lament that Short " jumped the claim " before I knew of its stores of confiding cash kindly open to be Joaned, and exchanged for l>. T. producing fluids. Jack, my dear boy, you was not in it this time. " Short's the friend, not Codlin." Seriously, Sir, is it not sad to read that a man is brought up "in a most pitiable plight, verging on delirium " so badly, that he " was remanded for medical examination ;" charged also by a publican with obtaining " twenty pounds," which said twenty pounds the publican allows him to " lamb down " in his hotel in the short space of two days—Short must be good at tall drinking. Had I have been that pub. I should have " grinned and bore " the effects of my folly, as it is he has himself to blame for achieving a notoriety the reverse of creditable. Where are my friends of the 1.0.Gr.T. persuasion, and those numerous other moralists who are so fond of " Improving the occasion." [Sundowner has erred—the delinquents name is Stuart, not Short.] " Much cry and little wool" as the monkey said when he shaved the pig. The war cry is sounded, the clans are summoned "To horse! To horse!" "Breathe soft ye winds " " the toscin sounded" not for " martial deeds " it only gently blared over a lost letter, a letter which "Sam Weller" told his paternal parent, was called " we." Webster, although an American, stands preeminent as a lexicographer, he thus describes the word riding—without the "double v " — : " une of the three divisions of Yorkshire, England," (" corrupted from trithing a third.") Who is (w) right I wonder, Webster, or the gentleman who, Yorkshirelike, rushes " to horse ?" I cannot help it, Sir, it is not my fault that Pope wrote — " Some people will never do anything, for this reason —that they understand everything too soon." I want to be respectable. I would like to be an aristocrat of the pure undiluted type. Sundowning is getting distasteful. I have a faint glimmering that the " unco quid Pharisees, who "thank God they are not as others, look down with contempt and disdain upon this sundowner, and his confreres. Oh! Mr. head, and sometimes hard-hitter. " If I was only young again, I'd lead a different life, I'd save my money, buy a farm, And take for my wife" I have discovered the N.Z. patent of nobility, the only thing I now want to discover is a quantity of confiding souls to give me unlimited tick for an indefinite period. If I can succeed in beguiling the confiding souls, then will this Sundowner serenely drift from the ranks of " the unwashed " into those of the" whitewashed." Enterprising tradesmen, John Sundowner is open to receive offers of tick, addressed to him, care of Akakoa Mail I write rubbish, some talk rubbish, but for r-ibbish about rubbish, rubbish piled upon rubbish, what can beat the debate upon rubbish at a late meeting of the Borough " wittemagemote"? The "sachems" gravely meet in Council, discuss rubbish,

jangle over rubbish, end their controversy in rubbish. Why so much rubbish of a varied nature ? be practical Messieurs, and settle, your rubbish without throwing the wordy part of the rubbish in the public teeth. Confound the rubbish. . " The ruling passion, be it what it will. The ruling passion conquers reason still." Oh! Mr. Chalmers, " Supposing I was you, and supposing you was me, Supposing we were some one else, I wonder who we'd be." You are a deputation, I read. How did you manage that business ? Lash me to an " iron girder," and throw me over a " lamppost." (iron) if I understand your " modus operandi" Seriously, Mr. C, do not give up the question of obtaining baths for Akaroa. lam told that you inaugurated the scheme for this much wanted necessity. Make "nil desperandum " your motto, and wade right in for healthful cleanliness. I remember a councillor, Hibernian like, saying that " cold water" ought not to be thrown on bathing. I think it should be on bathers, but not upon your laudable efforts to establish a much required sanitarywant. Hitch your horses up, Cr. Wagstaff, do not stand upon punctilio with Mr. C, you can carry out the bathing scheme, liemember Sir Walter Scott'd words, " The race of mankind would perish did they cease to aid each other." Adieu.