Yarieties.

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 426, 23 June 1904, Page 7

Yarieties.

NAVAL YABNS. J SBBBKE recently came across tho following I ing anecdote of the Prinoe efi VgSSliB Walee, in his younger days, which was told many yearn age by Captain Worcester, of the P. and O. servioe. Once bis ship was lying ia Malta Harbour, waiting for the Prinea—then Prince George—to come on board, Captain Worcester said to his young chief officer; 'jig soon as you see the Ponce ooming off man the yards at once, and send for me to my cabin.' -A few minutes afterwards the captain heard a boat alongside and, immediately afterwards, the young officer saying in a querulous tons to the passenger, who was stepping on board; "I say, when's that Prinoe ooming P I wish be'd look sharp; I'm tired of waiting.' « Awfully sorry,' said a jolly voice behind him, ' bat I oane off purposely as quietly as I oould, as I thought you'd want to man the yards or something of th&t sort. As I am a sailor myself, I know what a bore that is when you are busy obaling.' Netdlsai to say, it was Prince Gaorge himself. A QuABTBB MASTBB'S DttISMA.. Another of Captain Worcester's yarns is as follows i-He was entertaining two foreign. Princes to dinner osf board hit ship. After dianotr his distinguished guests expressed a wish to go over the vessel. Captain Worcester, having some special business to attend to, pat them in charge of a quarter-master. Half an hour afterward?, to his dismay, the quarter-. master appeared without his Rojal guests. ' If jou please, sir,' t&id the nun, saluting, ' wot am Itodo P Them 4wo kings'have fallen down a hatchway 1' ONE WAY OF DOISft IT, A doctor describes in a medical paper a . novel method of removing a tan bone crosswiee from the throat. The bone wan too low to be raaohed by any forceps at hand, and the author rec Jled a method of Srooedure told him by an old doctor who ad been taught by a boy, namely, to tie a string in the eye of a smooth button, swallow it edgewise of conjese, and draw the button back by the string. This was done and the bona was promptly dislodged. BABBABOUS PUNISHMENTS. The extent of the civilisation of a country may be known by the manner in which it treats its criminals , and ' its methods of administering capital punishment. Between vhe barbarous tortures and punishments of the Middle Ages and the mild treatment of evil-doers in these days there is a great contrast, and it ia this fact that makes us look with horror on the cruel treatment of prisoners by the Chinese.. This cruelty ia not confined to any foreign prisoners they may take, as they treat their own oountrymen just as barbarously; not that they are naturally cruel, but heoause it is the written law of the country to do so, and they think it is the proper thing. Such treatment, of course, stamps the date of their oivilisa. tion at about the sixteenth century, and, as a matter of fact, their manners and customs are of that date. They seem to have made no progress in improvements since then. Among the numerous methods of torturing criminals, and one that has been commonly used, is the punishment of the cage'—a particularly cruel form of torture, inasmuch as it is a lingering death, The condemned is placed within the cage,-his hands are bound, and his , neokis surrounded by a board on which I his chin rests in such a manner that while his head is thus raised his feet only just touch the ground. There the poor victim has to remain, without any food, exposed to the insults of the mob, until he is starved to death. A PHONOGBAPH SINGER. A young lady, who makes her living by singing into phonographs, told an interviewer something about her work the other day, *ln phonograph singing,' she said, ' there is one great difficulty, and that is the absence of an audience. When a singer comes out before a big audience to sing, the sight of all those persons is frightening te her, but at the same time it is inspiring; it keys her up; it takes her out of herself and beyond herself. She does better than she would have thought it possible to do. Singing into a phonograph is bard" because- there is . nothing there to. inspire and intoxicate you. Instead of ahouae of people eager to be pleased, yon hao-e an empty room and a big oyolinder. Hence you feel dall and depressed, You cannot put into your voice the brilliancy the exhilaration, and the sympathy that come of themselves when there are human ears listening and understanding. Some of the best singers cannot sing into the phonograph at all solely on vthis account. Others oasmofc sing into it unless they have taken a glass or two of champagne. I, with hard work, have managed to produce my voice at its best for the machine, just aa I do on the stage, but in this I am singular. The persons who can sing into phonographs so as to do themselves justice are few and far between,' «A PATRIOT' AND HIS BENT. At Bow County Court, before Judge French, Q C, William Thomas, a labourer, of Levton Boad, Stratford, appeared in answer to an ejiobment summons taken out by his late landlord, Henri Guillane. Judge French—Have you had'notice to quit? Dafendanfc—Notice I I have had ten notices. Here they are your worship. Judge French—Then why do you notgof Defendant—Me go! Lawka a mussy! I I'm an Englishman. He's a bloomin' Frenchman. That's what he ie. I'm a mtriot. What could he do with Nelson t You know what he said, 'England ex. peots every man to do his duly.' Judge French—And pay. his rent into the bargain! Defendant—l'm a patriot lam. I've got a Primrose League medal. What did silly Frenchies some over here for t Let them wait Judge Frenoh—How soon canyon gbP Defendant—ls he going to win it P This iB British justice. Well, I'm blowed. Judge French-He wants his house, and you will have to turn out. This is the law. Defendant—And someone once said the law was an ass,: I think he was quite right. (Laughter.) Judge Frenoh—You must go. He is entitled to possession. Defendant And he ie a blooming Frenchman. What: about N«l« sonP (Laughter) Judge Frenoh— Never mmd Nelson. Yon must go. Defendant—All right, I'll give him pos- -, session in a week. Much good may it do him! Let him go and eat frogs. (Laughter,) That's all he is fit for. Frogs 1 frogsll frogs!!! NATUBAL EVOLtfPIQN. He. 'Miss Haaherley seems to have developed into a butterfly of fashion,' She: 'Yes; and they say her father get his start as the proprietor of a cheap restaurant.' He:'' Well it takes the grab to make a butterfly, yon know.'

looking for. He was delighted withj it, and when I charged him sl2 he l paid me five dollars on account to , hind the bargain. He's going to mount it on a stand in his hall, and i when people seem to here aay doubts •boat his stories of hunting big game in Africa he can show them the elephant gun. j • "Thia cannon here I believe to be » the oldest in the country. It it zzuufe of fine bronze, and the date on it it - 1631. We got it from Porto Rico." . •After duly admiring the old can- /■*" con there was a tour of discovery that .extended aH. over the warehouse, ,where, heaped up from floor to ceiling, throughout the five stories, waa what at first appeared to be the most jnrm«ipg aggregation of rubbish eves assembled under one roof. I This first impression wee hardiji accurate, however. In spite of cob* - prebs end dust and the presence of si >■■ vast quantity of utterly useless things, the place was full of treaelures. Bales end boxes and packing -'--- soases full of eee stores of ell aorta fchathad neves been opened were scat* lend all about. **Shey dsn'+knosc whet they've go*,* %aid die solitary salesman of the e*> jgabUshmentj who acted ae guide, re* tferring to the proprietors, "They throw these things in here any old jjpay and then forget about them, They're too busy downstairs making Steeps of mouej ta thick about Ahem." *» • Confusion wes everywhsre abso> lute. Not the least attempt at classification had been made. Here wae a —* gun earriage in seetions; a pile of old uniforms; a packing case three-quar-'ten full oi army oape; a mass of Jap* a&ese IHy bulbs that had spoiled; * -pearler of a ton of soap; a great jgtatriMy of shoe blacking; a box of jphrto bats, each ae are need in the boxes oi tinned sausages, more ftcxes of jams, and jellies j orates of wt the* had dried and mildewed? Step fl< boote that had never bees jEStt wad probably never would be, S compactly had the spider* bound Sbb with their cobwebs. A mound jB T baaS» wae on one of the floors, o Sofficd hi photographs on another, fSi in a little room by themselves a of paintings, some very -jfsH framed and some not framed at »iL Of eaaee, one of them was "an j£d master." This collection was jPjwken of with awe by the salesman.. £"!They*re all masterpieces," he said,; Jg£hat big one there's a Yen Dyck." ' I Am the exploration extended the tend* quite test his bearings, and the Saeoeßries were as real to him as to, «jfe* reporter. ,' "Wha.V* in this barrel?" he queried, •Hboriking a match and peering down at Some shining black stuff. "Oh, yes'" he exclaimed, suddenly Recollecting. "It's gunpowder—enough to blow the whole place to kingdom come." Heaps of loos* ammunition were encountered at various points, and ep there axe several cats, to say nothing of rats, roaming about, an explosion would not be very suprising un» der the circumstances, the cartridges being of the detonating variety. • "Why don't you establish some kind Of order, here?' asked the writer, wip-, tag away a veil of cobwebs tt&f« »ad fallen about his face. { "No time," eeid the guide. "There are only three ~of na in thia big place." ' i •Td never rest tin I found out what I had and arranged it after a fashion, the clothing In one piece and the provision* in another, and so oo." "3/hen you wouldn't make a© much r&oney ae ft* beea/jjreepouded the guide. "Bui there?* tosh- a deal here tb&*s absolutely going to waste." "There's plenty more where it came "Whor* did K co»fe from*" * • "Government auction sales, mostlyf then sheriffs' sales and private aue* MOB sales. There wes a fire at the m&vy yard net long ago, and evcry(Qißg in the building was sold at auo* i/i/m. Seeae of the goods were dan> rand some were not injured at *Jhe government doesn't stop to sook ft over very closely, I reckon. It deans out and puts in 'new goods. *Eher, when a warship has been cruis|Bg for five months or so, and arrive* In port, all the stores she has remaining are condemned and sold at a*uofHon. "£& POrt* of things some to us from the government. For instance, Ave bought 80,000 swords not long pge that had been stored at Governors island ever- since the civil war. fTe had lively competition in buying them, too." ,>" -v ~ - i *«Wbere will they got" - «sfen belonging ~to secret aootetlss •Mil use them up. They're in fine order, -rid in spite of competition putting "he price up we'll make a good thing out of them."—N. Y. Times. rSSsterti Dr. Kort'i Theory. Prof. Baumgarten, of Lubig, says a fiesHn dispatch to the New York Times, aupporta Dr. Koch's theory that borlne tuberoalosis is not communicable to human beings. Prof. Baumgarten describes a series of experiment*made by Dr. Botikensky 20 years ago, patients suffering from incurable tumors were inoculated with bovine ; tuberculosis germs in the hope that' one disease might combat the other.; Hot a single patient was infected with' tuberouloeie. ■ Dr. Baumgarten bsßeves that bovine and human tuberculosis are not essentially different.but.that the bacilli, suffer modification in the bodies thej| inhabit. • m I jT I Inkiirim, ~ % ' First Golfer—He doesn't pby rerjn well, but he says he's too busy W, give any more time to practice. y Csecond GoHer—Oh!~WelL if a maai neglects golf to attend to his buaM fisjii if hat can he expect ?—Puck,