CALLING A SPADE A SPADE.

Ashburton Guardian, Volume VII, Issue 1802, 29 March 1888, Page 3

CALLING A SPADE A SPADE.

If ifc be "hardly puF3\b a to obtain a cample nf ganuii.e vv ine oven at ti'st hand," what d>> we when v;e dice &t au ir.n, or ask for n g a^s (if wii.e at a restaurant or a railway .refreahmaiit-rooQi 1 What abominable mcsiea and mixturea and muddles these maat be which are had fr im neither fi.-st nor second hand, but hava gono through no one knows how many hands, all skiiful m sucii roguery. Now, to pall a spade a opade, — tho proper thioft to say at the counter of a reatnurent woa!d be, not. — %< J-et me have a glaeß of sherry" but, " Bring mr, if y.,u p!easo, a m xture of your b j at piaster of Paris, bitter almonds, and blood." Aid at dinner, unless you have and are aura ym havo, "n sample of genuine wine at first hand," don't aek yonc friend '.o take port, bot say — l * Dj ht^p yourself fo this fine old p:eparat;on cf German btlbenies, gumdragon and Bait of tartar.'' And when you hava a wedding; breakfast at your hons?, be honest with yonr gao&ta, on! instead of cheating them into the absurd belief that they are drinking champagne, be outspoken enough to tell the waiters to take round the rhubarb-atalks and gooseberries And thia might be a useful meditation for a gentleman on visiting his wine cellar : — " Here is my choicest elderberry, and here my most divine Brazil-wood ; m this bin I have laid down my oak bark and Bloc leaves ; m that my plaater of Patia, and above it is my pale dry sherry, charged with the aulphatea of lime and potash. 1 ' The dootera know very well that not one m a thousand of their patients can obtalng ''a sample of the genuine wine at first hand," and it would be only honest when they prescribe claret to order it m this form — " fake aome rough cider, colored with coohlnea'." And what a singular document might be made by 'faithfully translating the wine merchant's t'lll — To the washing of brandy oaska £5 10 0 „ Gum-dragon .. '. . . . 0 17 6 „ Spanish earth ,<-■ .. 3 4 0 „ Lime and litharge . . . . 0 12 0 „ Gooseberries and rhubarb . . 17 6 0 Total for making a fool of yourself £27 9 6 And are theao tho hurrid buveragea for which we are euch simpletons us to pay from 33 to 15a a bottle, noce of it obtained '• at fikßt haad," and therefore we may auppose none of it •' genuine wine 1" With the nltohee m Macbeth, tho makors of these drinks might slog, as thoy watch the pr.-ces8 — For a oharm of powerful trouble, Like a hell-broth, boil and bubble.

As far as wine is omcerned, nothing can be more calculated to make men abstainera than the consideration of such feota as we have noted above. Gentlemen sipping their port or olaret after dinner, and talking, ai at each times they often do, of the intemperance of the workingulasßes, are apt to wax indignant while they speak of the detestable things with which tne poor man's beer ia adulterated ; little auppoaiug that the staff they (.hemsolves are drinking, and fo; which they pay bucu a price, Is made up of things far worao. Woil might Solomon say, '* Wine is a mocker. 1 ' This ifc Wt»a even m his time, and this it ia much more m ours, " for they did no* know everything down In Jcfdee." The wine merchants of Solomon's day were not acquainted with plaster of Paris, nor cm we suppose that igorik'oborriea or logwood wore much io lhair line of business, to cay nothing of Spanish ear:h or catechu Wine, aa we have it — '* genuine at iknt band "—is a mocker. Ifc mocka us with every kind of f uise pretence us to its charaolur and ha value j It mocka us with a promise of health aud 3treugth, which it 13 n jt iv Its vile nature to afford ; it mocka us with a gratification bhut often ends m sctfforing ; it mocks us by Btesliug away our brains, and maklug m talk And act liko idiota ; to tho pockot, to tho stomach, to tho head, to the htart, i it is a mockery altogether, and as Solomon vary truly observes, '*' whosoever is de- \ solved thereby fa not. wise ; . . . at i

the last it b.teth liko a serpent and atlngetu like an adder." (ltev J; Stoweli Crown.)