NOTES.

Ashburton Guardian, Volume V, Issue 1530, 12 April 1887, Page 2

NOTES.

The forms used for Press telegraph messages are anything but the pink of perfection, except it be m the sense of being a perfect nuisance lo all concerned. The often faint writing of hardworked, swift-transcribing, telegraph clerks is frequently all but illegible on the polished surface of this miserable pink flimsy; and the still harderworked sub-editor's temper is subjected to an altogether unnecessarily severe strain ,by the dilemma presented to him. He has to fill m the gaps and ' missing words, without which telegrams and especially cables would often be wholly unintelligible to the average reader, and is confronted with two pleasing (!) alternatives, viz., either to fill m with pencil— in which case what he writes can scarcely be read by the compositor— -of with ink, which, if dried off with blotting-paper, leaves a still fainter record, and which, if left undried, is sure to be smudged into undecipherableness. As there isn't time to spare to leave the writing to dry, one or other of these cheerful alternatives must be taken. Then again, especially by gaslight, the pink paper is excessively trying to the eyes of the unfortunate corap., and altogether these abominable forms are a downright nuisance to all concerned. We may go farther and say that they are positively immoral, as being calculated to develop an alarming increase of profanity among editors, sub-editors, coraps, readers, et id genus omne. It has been said that the Recording Angel winks at a good deal of this sort of thing on the part of these exceptionally harassed classes, being well aware of the extraordinary provocations to which they are subjected, but for all that we don't see why, just to please the Postmaster-General or whoever may be responsible for the pink abominations, we should be made to run the risk . oi exceeding the marginal allowance, if any, considerately made m our behalf. In the interest of our eyesight, our temper, and our morals, we call upon Sir Tulius to redeem the promise made m the House m Juty last— either by himself or through. his colleague, Sir Robert Stout — that some neutral- tinted paper should be substituted for that at present m use, and which by its very hue indicates a blush for the incompetency and idiotcy of the functionary who has the ordering of stationery for the New Zealand Telegraph Department.

Who'd have thought it ? is the constant exclamation of thoughtless people who lay the foundation for all sorts of disasters, and then appear to be immensely astonished that what they term "accidents" occur. When, we wonder, will these good people understand that if they will go on manufacturing causes, effects will of a certainty follow? And anless some of these silly folk mend their ways, it won't be long before there is a reduction m the number of our juvenile population, or an increase m the number of our hospital cases. That's as certain as that two and two make four. What do we mean ? Why that if parents will persist m leaving horses and traps standing m the roadway m the sole charge of little mites of from five to ten years of age, as they often do, we shaU one of these days have to record 2 runaway or two, and "very likely an overturn and a general smash up, to the loss of life and limb on the part of juvenile humanity. And it's not only the poor little Jehus who are thus exposed to danger who are to be considered, there's the risk of other folk being run over, and other people's traps being run into, so that it is by no means the careless parents' own affair only. Seriously, we think, that if people won't take the hint, the municipality might do worse than to pass a by-law, making it an offence to leave horses and vehicles m such insufficient charge.

The Jubilee ! the Jubilee ! ! the Jubilee ! ! 1 Upon our' word we are beginning to get tired of reading so much about it. There is not a more appetising dish * than roast partridge, but even so toujpurs perdrix is proverbially unendurable. So also the Jubilee is all very right and proper, but one really begins to wish it was over and done with. Let us all celebrate by all means, and let us do it as well and as worthily as we possibly can. How? is however the question upon which there seems to be a wide range of opinion, every city, and town, nay every township being apparently determined to "go alone " and celebrate m its own fashion. Even the townships of Temnka and Geraldine are each it would seem going upon their own individual hook, as well as Timaru and Ashburton and other larger places. Oamaru took time by the forelock and has got its Jubilee over m the shape of a big picnic. Timaru favors a memorial fountain, Nelson a memorial garden, to be called, we suppose, " Victoria Gardens," or something of that sort, and Christchurch an Old Men's Home. What idea Ashburton is going to adopt nobody seems to know as yet, whether it is to be a fountain, or a clock, or what else, but it is about time we began to make up our minds, isn't it ? When is this conference of the municipal and county authorities to come off we wonder ? Time is slipping by, and if anything is going to be done the sooner it is set about the better. Meantime, about the most amusing notion of the right way to celebrate the occasion is that adopted by the Dunedin City authorities who have determined upon (i) sending the Queen an illuminated address (we wonder if she'll ever look at it), (2) illuminating the City Hall, and (3) spending the munificent and magnificent sura of £27 10s m fireworks to be let off under charge of the Fire Brigade, lest (oh, prudent Scots) there should be a further illumination of the city not according to programme. Bless us and save us, what a tremendous outlay — twenty-seven pounds ten ! — for the big Southern City. But then it must be remembered that it is for the most part peopled with compatriots of that canny chiel from Aberdeen awa', whose hair stOGd on end at the recollection of the stupendous fact that he hadn't been m London half an hour before " Bang went saxpence."

The new rage among the fair daughters of New Zealand is, it would seem, to be m the direction of aquatics — and quite natural, too, of course; seeing that they are undoubtedly ducks. Christchurch led the way the other day m the shape of a boat race on the Avon between the Jvlisse§ gijssold ana Miss

N. Reeves and Miss Robinson. . The former rowed m a pair inrigged and the latter sculled m an outrigger, and the match was witnessed by a very large number of spectators; young ladies. College boys, and gentlemen on horse | back swarming along the river banks, and loudly encouraging the fair contestants. The course was over about a mile, and the chronicler m the city papers records that "Miss CHssoldV stroke was strong and steady, /and admirably imitated by the bow par. < Their combined efforts placed them on even terms with their opponents when half distance had been covered, and enabled them to win by some ten length?. Miss Reeves and Miss Robin* son pulled well together throughout. ; At the start they pulled strongly, but the pace was evidently too much for their strength, which failed them as the goal was neared." This, it 13 said, was the first contest of the kind at Christchurch, but it is likely to lead to others. At Wellington, also, one day last week, there was another , match of a similar sort, which was witnessed by a large number of persons. This was a double sculling race between Misses W. Moorhouse and H. Moorhouse (nieces of the late W. S. Moorhouse, for many years Superintendent - of Canterbury) and Misses Richardson (daughter of the Minister for Public - Works) and Williams (daughter of Mr T. C. Williams, a wealthy runholder,) The latter couple won after a hard fight; If the taste for aquatics, thus fashionably fostered, spreads among the ladies of the colony as fast as has the rage for lawn tennis, it will soon be time for. Paddy Murphy, or some other New Zealand bard, to improvise a parallel to^ the Canadian boat song, with a refrain of "Row, Sisters, Row*'* '■•) 1

Talking of rages, crazes, whims, fancies, and sensations reminds us that even m kissing there is a new fad. The "Boston Herald" declares that high society m London is going m. for a novelty m the way of osculation, the new fashion that is, or is to be, being to imprint a salute on the tip of the nose. That veracious chronicler declares "the courtly kiss upon the hand, tne warmer osculation of the lips, have been thrown into social darkness by no less an arbiter than the Princess o! Wales. It appears that this lovely specimen of royalty was observed kissing her sister-in-law, the Princess Waldemar, m this particular fashion — whether by accident or intention- the observer fails to state—and immediately the idea caught on to the flattering crowd of courtiers." At this rate there would seem to be a chance of a renaissance among English courtly circles of the ancient Maori custom ot rubbing noses. Somehow though, even if the new fashion be adopted as between sisters-in-law, we don't believe it will spread much further. At any rate, liberal as are our proclivities m all other directions, we shall m this one respect be Tories to the backbone to the end of our days. No kissing noses for us. "Love's nectar dwells on ruby lips " sounds poetic and natural enough, but we {defy even genial Tom Bracken to turn a decent line which shall so much as insinuate that it dwells m a nose of any sort, whether it be a genuine ruby, a. Roman, a classical aquiline, or a Tennysonian feature " tiptilted like the patals^of a flower."