Some Bits and Pieces

Observation Post, Volume 1, Issue 26, 13 November 1942, Page 2

Some Bits and Pieces

By “The Gadfly.’’

I have often declared that the onlooker sees much more of the fun than do those who' take part in the so-called festivities. In fact, I agree with the sage who said that Life is a tragedy to those who feel, and a comedy to those who think. In that case, Life must be a tragedy to so many people, for it would appear that there are so few who do the thinking. ’. I was travelling in a train a few days ago, and there was a large number of soldiers in the carriage. They ‘all appeared to be talking, and none of them seemed to be listening. For the most part their conversation centred around the amount of beer that they declared they had drunk, or would drink, given the opportunity. ~ Some, as a side-line brought women into the general discussion, and of course, races, and racehorses weren’t far behind, in the hub-bub.

One little khaki clad figure, sat opposite me, and surveyed the crowd with a mischievous gleam in his eye. I leant across and asked him what he thought of all the uproar. "Aw, It’s great,” he said. "These chaps are protecting Christian culture and civilisation.’’

THE WRITING ON THE WALL It is wonderful in what queer places wit and wisdom may be found.' Some find them in the writings of the sages, and look for them only there. Yet there are many gems to be seen where least expected, if one only keeps the eyes skinned. . The other day, I had occasion to go to one of those places, which are provided, especially for the convenience of men, and I duly parted with the necessary penny. Wit was written on the wall, but not all of it was printable. One little piece caught my eye. Somebody, with a grouch had scrawled the following:—

“This- bally convenience is no good ] at all, » The seat is too high, and the hole is too small. ’ ’ This had earned the reply, written in a different hand:— Your silly complaint deserves this retort, - Your rump is too fat, and your legs are too short.’’ Now, say what you will, there WAS wit and wisdom in that neat reply. SO POSITIVE I think it was Josh Billings who once declared that half the trouble in the world was caused by people being so positively certain about things that really weren’t so. I believe time to be so, too. Just how certain some folk can be about things that aren’t so was well exemplified a few days ago. My business took me to the railway station. A troop train had just pulled in, and a large number of soldiers flocked into the refreshment room. I. breasted up to the counter, and procured a cup of coffee, and then quietly . strolled over to one of the wall-counters A little further along were two khaki clad fellows, one of whom had a grouch. He was declaiming against a certain Cabinet Minister. I pricked up my ears . . . and later I gasped, for I heard him tell the other that this Minister was once one of the poorest men in New Zealand, and to-day he received some thousands a year, and the informant ended up by declaring that the same honourable gentlemen could knock back the whisky by the gallon I did a big grin, and finished mv coffee. I have known that Minister over many years, and I knew that he was never poor, in

the generally accepted sense of the word; that his salary was but a fraction of the figure mentioned by . the positive person; and that the Minister had been a total abstainer throughout his life. Still, the positive person will remain positive, - come what may, Josh Billings or no Josh Billings.

L PARADOX The following lines were found inscribed on the wall of a shelled house in a devastated French village during the First Great War War provokes pillage, Pillage brings ruin, Ruin brings patience, Patience produces peace; Thus does war produce peace. Peace provokes abudahce, Abundance brings arrogance, Arrogance brings war; Thus does peace produce war. “ALLITERATION’S ARTFUL AlD’’

A n Austrian army, awfully arrayed, by battery besieged .Belgrade. j 'ossack commanders cannonading '" y came, TYealing destruction’s devastating U doom; p wery endeavour engineers essay, Ipor fame, for fortune fighting-furious " fray! enerals 'gainst generals grapple, gracious God! TTow honours heaven’s heroic hardi--11 hood! —indiscriminate -in — TZinsmen kill —kindred kinsmen kill;

T abour low levels loitiesr, longest ' lines, A/fen march 'midst mounds, ’mid ■“J- moles, ’mid murderous mines, Mow noisy noxious numbers notice ■*"’ nought,— /"if outward obstacles opposing 'J ought, — poor patriots! — partly' purchased, "*■ partly pressed, Quite quaking, quickly “Quarter! quarter! quarter!’’ quest; p eason returns, religious right redounds, Ou warrow stops such sanquinary lk3 sounds. 'Th-uce to thee, Turkey, triumph to thy x train, Unwise, unjust unmerciful Ukraine! TTanish, vain victory! vanish victory v vain! VXT'hy wish we warfare? Wherefore ’’ welcome were ■Ver'xes, Ximenes, Xanthus, Xaviere. yield, yield, ye youths, ye yoemen yield your yells Reno’s, Zampatee’s Zoroaster’s zeal, Attracting all, arms against acts appeal. THE HIRE SYSTEM. There was an old man of Tarentum, Who gnashed his false teeth ’til he bent ’em, When asked what the cost, And how much he had lost, He said, “I don’t know. I just rent ’em. ’ ’ Ed. Note. Many thanks' “Gadfly.’ Big Brains Beget Better Brightei Batteries.