THE OLD LADY’S MISTAKE.

Erk's Work, 1 February 1941, Page 34

THE OLD LADY’S MISTAKE.

A tough old Digger, who has joined the Air Force at patrolman, is stranded in Auckland. He meets a dear old lady, who put hims through his paces.

0.L.: “Marvellous! I am proud of you! It’s men like you who make us feel safe in bed during the night!” Digger: “But, lady ” 0.1.: “Oh, 1 know you don’t like being flattered, but nothing is too good for you, and ...” Digger : “But, lady ...”

0.L.: “As I was about to say when you interrupted me —just imagine the nerve after having been through the last war, too ! I think it’s wonderful!”

Digger : “But, lady ” 0.L.: “Now, don’t tell me it’s just a job of work. I know differently! It takes great strength of character and nerve force to fly at such heights and machine-gun enemy planes—not to mention dropping bombs under terrific shellfire !”

Digger: “But, lady; I don’t ” 0.L.: “Yes, Yes! I know all about it! I read my newspapers—and the way you boys'stand up to the strain—ally after your terrible experiences in the last war!” - Digger: “But, lady; I don’t ” 0.L.: “Never mind. You must come along and meet my niece, Miss Tait.”

Digger (accidentally treading on Old Lady’s toe in his excitement) : “Oh! My mistake, lady.” 0.L.: “What? Your Miss Tait? Isn’t that wonderful? Don’t tell me that your Miss Tait is my Miss Tait?” Digger: “But, lady ” 0.L.: “This is too thrilling for words! Fancy your knowing my niece! I always thought she rather fancied men older than herself—but I’m very proud to think she chose such a hero as you!” Digger : “But, lady; let me ” 0.L.: “I’m quite convinced you are a hero! Look at all those pretty ribbons on your breast —and that wonderful steely look in your eyes! Ah ! Here’s a taxi. You simply must come home with me. Molly will be so thrilled to see you!” Digger (wiping perspiration from his brow): “Cripes!” (Arriving at Old Lady’s home, they enter sitting-room). 0.L.: “Now, just sit down and make yourself comfortable. I’ll call Molly.”

Digger : “But, lady; I ” 0.L. : “Mo-olly! Moll-lly! Here’s your hero from the Air Force

(Molly, who has been hitting it up with a Pilot Officer named Jim, replies). Molly: “Oh, Jim! You darling! I knew you would pluck up enough courage to come and call for me! I didn’t expect you so soon, though.” Digger : “Excuse, me missus. I’d better go ” 0.L. : “My dear man! You can’t go up to her yet she’s dressing! She won’t be long, now.” Molly (from bedroom upstairs) :“I say, Jim! Didn’t you say you had night-flying on to-night? Or was that just an excuse to give me a pleasant surprise 0.L.: “Night-flying? Do you mean you fly in the dark? Oh! You must tell me all about it! How clever you are! What is it like?. You must tell us after tea —and your experiences in the last war, too! You have been to the war, haven’t you? I suppose you teach the young fellows what to do now — wonderful —just left school and college—who risk their lives a thousand times, for the like of Molly and me!”

Molly “I’m ready, now clear, and' I’m wearing that jolly, uncrushable frock you admired so much the other night! Now, shut your eyes, boy, and I’ll tell you when to open them.”

Digger (in a desperate whisper) : “Hell! What on earth shall I do?”

Molly: “Heavens! Aunty ! Aunty! Who the dickens is this hard-bitten old imposter? Where on earth did you pick him up ?”

0.L.: “He told me you were his Miss Tait!” Digger: “You got me wrong, lady; I ” Molly: “His ‘Miss Tait!’ I like his cheek! Why, I’ve never even seen the old reprobate before in my life Digger: “It’s all a mistake, lady. I ” Molly: “I should jolly well think it is a mistake! You ought to be ashamed of yourselfa man of your age, taking advantage of an old lady and imposing on her like this!” Digger: “I say, miss, give us a break, won’t you ? I’ve been trying to explain to your Aunt for the last hour, but I couldn’t get a word in edgeways! She just rushed me off me bloomin’ feet!” Molly: “But didn’t you tell her I was your ‘Miss Tait’? Digger: “Don’t rub it in, miss.” 0.L.: “Come along, you two —tea’s readyand don’t quarrel! I don’t care tuppence if he is an imposter. He was a soldier in the last war —and he’s in it again. I’ve a

very warm corner in my heart for an old soldier—sinner or no sinner!”

Molly (after hearing the truth at last) : “Considering the circumstances, I suppose you’re scarcely to blame, Mr. ?” Digger: “My friends all call me ‘Bill,’ miss.” Molly: “So you’re forgiven, Bill. I know what Auntie is like, once she gets going. You must forgive me for all that hard things I said to you, too. I take ’em all backand if you’re not my Jim —well, I expect you’re someone else’s ‘Bill’!” Digger: “Hamdudellah mabsoot lateer!” (In pious tone. In other words, “Thank the Lord, I’m out o’ that Curtain.