Page 14 Advertisements Column 1

Rip It Up, Issue 217, 1 September 1995, Page 14

9 I L/’ (W . .. «. ["I '■.’’ ''* ■'. •' ' ■ I So much food, so little time. The Twins have been eating hard and fast for the past two months and we've welcomed various new ‘additions’ to keep us company — namely, our chins are no longer on their own, proud gargantuan bellies bulge through our shirt buttons, and one of us has grown a little blubber sack around the coccyx. While our friends have been supportive and have given encouragement during our efforts to add weight, some don’t share our new-found happiness. On more than one occasion last month we were told by strangely exasperated maitre d’s or garcons to, “leave and keep your fat features at home!’’. Undaunted, we’ve been hitting the haunts with lecherous gusto — oozing charm, opulence and sweat — without a care in the world. Here’s this month’s selection: The Cooker 190 Jervois Road, Herne Bay, Auckland. A stroke of luck at the local dog fights meant we had money to burn early in the piece, so our first visit was this swank new diner for a spot of indulgent piggery. Remarkably the menu was too long and varied even for us (a sure sign of a top place!), so rather than work our way through it, giving everything a crack, we opted for the Beef Fillet ($18.50), French Fries ($4.50), torrents .of Steinlager, and topped ourselves off with a slice or three of Passionfruit Cheesecake ($5.50). The steak smelled so good and went down so well, that we’ve arranged to have the aroma pumped through the airconditioning system at home. International Rugby Hall Of Fame Restaurant Finance Plaza, 186 Queen Street, central Auckland. The Rugby Hall Of Fame Restaurant is the kind of local that’s bad for you’re health but good for you’re wallet, and we’re fly with that. Strangely enough, it’s a non-smoking place, but much to our childish delight, all meals are named after famous rugger personalities. The Twins went for Dr Danie’s Venison Burger ($14.50) and Cowboy Shaw’s Rib-Eye Sandwich ($13.50), again washed down with a dam bursting amount of Steinlager. Although it was a meal of two halves,-and all credit to the Rib-Eye, venison was the winner on the day. Other selling points include New Zealand’s Big Game playing constantly on the giant video screen, and in recent weeks we’ve spied Zinny, Foxy!, JK,..Terry Wright, and the big man, Andy Haden, enjoying their tucker. Weird that our duds should stink of ciggies once we got home, but perhaps it was from the brothel we visited on the way. Oxford Landing Restaurant Main Road, Tirau. A restaurant named after a cheap brand of red wine — sounds like our kinda place. It was a typical drizzly Tirau morning when we parked the shaggin’ wagon outside the Oxford. Inside, the menu offered a selection of hot breakfasts, we ordered the Bacon, tomato and egg omelette from the 70 year old chefess, "with extra bacon, sweet cheeks!” ($5.50), plus a pot of strong black coffee ($2.00 with free refill). During hurried mouthfuls of this tasty portion, a second blackboard caught our eye — ‘We have a variety of Lagers, Ales, Wines and Spirits’, it said. “Give us the alcohol smorgasbord", we bellowed in unison, before spending the rest of the meal playing with our food like a couple of childish sea lions.

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