Letters

Rip It Up, Issue 215, 1 July 1995, Page 10

Letters

Reviewer Reviewed

How long do we have to suffer the boring, predictable writing of ex-lollyman and When The Cat’s Away groupie John Russell? It’s becoming pretty obvious that the writer who champions such boring, middle of the road crap as Hello Sailor, the Rolling Stones and Pumpkinhead (Yes, that’s right, middle of the road. You can cover as many Gordons songs as you want, wear as many Sonic Youth T-shirts as you can buy, not wash your hair for weeks, for that fashionable dirty white boy look, but it doesn’t make you alternative. Is ‘Water’ really a Silverchair reject, or is that just an ugly rumour?) is way out of his depth on anything a little challenging, offbeat or awkward. Apart from his constant blowjobbing of Wildside bands (Well, he does write for the official Wildside Magazine, RipltUp. No bias here matey.), he seems to be unable to evaluate any other independent label’s work (either overseas or domestic) without showing: x 1) His basic ignorance of alternative music. 2) His outdated and tired bias for big grunty lad entertainer rock ’n’ roll bands. John, please be a big man, and admit to yourself your inefficiencies and your complete lack of talent as an analytical writer. You’re just not good enough. I presume, by you telling every second person that you are a Marvin Gaye fan, that you come from a soul music background. Fair enough, although I notice you’ve never given a dance record a bad review; so, either New Zealand is producing 100 percent first class dance music, or you're not sure what actually constitutes a bad record from a good one, so you just patronise them all by saying ‘good work’ for no apparent reason. But please leave guitar music alone. It is a hard genre to come to terms with and intelligence is needed. You are way out of your depth and biased to boot. These traits are crippling in a reviewer. I’m reviewing you, and I hope you have the integrity to print this letter. Regards. SST, Sub-Pop, 4AD, Rough Trade, Flying Nun, Mammoth Forever. (Do you own any records from these labels? Do you listen to them? Hard to get that Pumpkinhead record off the turntable is it?) John Russell replies: You ask that I have the integrity to print your letter, but you don't have the balls to sign your own name. So thanks, but no thanks for the anonymous ‘review’, coward.

Word Out Mousey

Yo, yo, yo, whaz up? We’re the gankstaz from the Waipukarau Bloods, and we’re fucked off with all you cuntz slagging off Merle H Thomas. She’s a good bitch and a cuz of ours, and anyway, Pearl Jam suck [our collective] dick. Pearl Jam’s such a rude name, anyway. Why don’t you listen to some real sounz, like Hammer (MC) — the King (he’ll live forever) — Bobby Brown, Kulcha and Moana. So, don’t trash Merle, trash Pearl Jam. Rang! and Changi in the gangi, Rosse in the posse, Rub in the club, and all the buds from the Waipuk’ Bloods.

Writing Up A Storm

We are writing to you about a review we seen in the June issue of RipltUp. It concerned Christchurch band Tempest. It was a review on their album Precious Times. Me and my mates thought the review was a load of shit! This album kicks ass. We seen Tempest live at a bike rally earlier this year, and man, did they go off. I didn’t hear any of the 4,000 people in the crowd complain. Not only did they put on one hell of a show,

but they are all good at what they do — not like some bands.

Saying they sound like every other 70s heavy metal band. Don’t tell me Pearl Jam don’t sound like every other Seattle band. Don’t knock what you know nothing about. Next time try listening to the album before you give it a review. Maybe learn a little about music while you’re at it. Tempest deserve better. Frazer, Paul, Tony, Chris and Mark, Christchurch.

Darth Vedder: Working Class Oppressor

The final word on those geeks of hard rawwk. Judging from the foul mouthed responses to Merle H Thomas’ erudite and deadly accurate dismissal of those Woodstock wannabe rejects Pearl Jam, one must conclude that fans of the liberal Siiverchair x 2 ensemble are perverse fanatics with a hate fetish. Put a prophylactic on that disgustingly named group, I say. .The do-gooder antics of the Mother Theresa of pub rock, Darth Vedder, and the other dope heads of Pearl Spam are falling on deaf ears. Stop smoking all that pot and get a haircut, you morbid, psycho-analytical hippies. Stop retro tossing and get into some modern bands. Grunge is dead! Stop listening to Deep Purple, Lifeline metal heads, and get with the 90s. There are class acts out there, like Shellac, Truman’s Water, Elastica, Archers of Loaf, Grave Diggaz, Ash, Lungleg, Napalm Death, etc. Eddie Smeghead is not a god. He smashes up rooms, thinking he’s a big superstar (eg. the Roger Daltry tribute : debacle). And who has to clean up his mess? Real fucking working class people, who millionaire whingers like him trod on. In the immortal words of Kurt Cobain, Pearl Jam’s music totally sucks. Cecil Shrimpton (aka Jeremy Asspoken), Mount Roskill. PS: A real ‘alternative’ fan would rather listen to a hippopotamus burp than endure Vedder’s whining.

Why do Pearl Jam, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Faith No More, Boston and Porno for Pyros male fans all look like that glam retard turd Mikey Havoc? Without Elvis Presley, Edward Vedhead would be in an asylum, jerking off to ‘There’s a Fraction Too Much Pearl Jam’. Yeah!

More Merle Fan Mail

Well, fuck me slowly with a chainsaw, but doesn’t good ole Merle (nice name, honey) get some publicity! Probably think you’re popular now, do ya? Well, you are indeed. And you certainly do have some mean words on your vocab’ list, like ‘gobshite’ and ‘orangutan’. Oh no, don’t bring out the wooden spoon! And you seem to really know and enjoy the bands your precious Kurt Cobain brings to his concerts — like the Meat Puppets, Courtney Love (It’s pretty weird she appears — it’s not like she was his wife!) and, I quote, ‘that guy from the Vaselines’. Joe Bloggs (a girl), Auckland.

Homophobic Cave Dweller Speaks

Why I hate Silverchair, slimy fags. ‘Why is Silverchair so put down all the time?’ Because they’re a bunch of butt kissing wankers who couldn’t write a decent song even if it was written on their bandmate’s dick. They are the most manufactured bunch of corporate orientated rip-offs there is. They were generated by some executive to hopefully mould into the ‘alternative’ market, to be picked up by people who have no idea what ‘interesting, truly innovative music’ is. In two years, if disco has a revival, they’ll be ripping off old ABBA songs. You can’t tell me that he (the lead singer, whoever the fuck he is; let’s refer to him as the boy with sparkle and shine in his hair) isn’t trying to sound like Eddie Vedder during the slow bit of ‘Tomorrow’, and then he tries his hand at Kurt Cobain in the chorus. I wish there were still lynch mobs around, ‘cause these pricks

would be the first on my list. I have unfortunately heard their songs, and it’s probably scarred me for life.

I see they’ve also put out a single on 7”. Why? Monkey see, monkey do. Pearl Jam forced their fans’ knowledge of vinyl when they put Vitalogy out [on vinyl] two weeks earlier than the CD. Nice gesture. It’s good that they acknowledge vinyl and it’s usually unnoticed contribution to music, but don’t kiss Pearl Jam’s arse and say they started a revival. Record collectors have kept [vinyl] alive for years. And sure as shit don’t say Silverchair are supporting it. Monkey see, monkey do, remember? It’s all for money. I’d bet the fucking farm it is. They’ll probably put out novelty dolls next. If they even did have talent, why do they (as SP Kilpatrick said) sound like Soundgarden? If there was talent there, they’d sound like Silverchair. It makes me wonder if they wipe their own arses. They are a sad ploy to sell music, that’s why I hate them. I’d personally rather be butt fucked by Michael Jackson than hear another chord of their try-hard shit. Also, isn’t it funny that most of those who responded to Merle Thomas’ letter also put down Nirvana. It’s funny, ‘cause these same people were probably getting wet over Nirvana when they were ‘cool’. Go peel the shit from your eyes you fucking hypocrites. The Amazing Clarence.

Hear! Hear!

Why are there so many songs about rainbows? Why do birds sing? Why does the phone always ring when you’re on the toilet? And, most importantly, why do so many dickheads write to RipltUp? There were 11 (count 'em) letters from stressing, over sensitive gripers with nought better to do with their time than get extremely upset (come on guys, how many of you actually cried?'). Hey, I like Pearl Jam, I liked the concert, but if Merle H Thomas (bless his now-to-be hated-forev-er soul) thinks they suck, fine. So hey, kiddies, don’t get upset and whinge just ‘cause someone calls the band you live for a bunch of cocksuckers. Leave the letters page open for constructive discussions about contemporary issues like: ‘orange cardies — they’re not ugly, they’re just misunderstood’, or ‘how I cured cancer on three cents a day’.

Face it — Merle H Thomas and anyone else who has an opinion at all isn’t going to change it because a bunch of whiners tell him hes fucked.

Well, bye darlings. I love you all, even if you like Billy Ray Cyrus (urn, that’s bullshit actually). Tarrah, and relax. Catherine, Christchurch. PS: I like the Pixies, Sonic Youth, Tool and Belly, among others. If you want to abuse me for that, fine. I also think Green Day and Silverchair suck, so ditto on the abuse thang (country twang for Billy Ray Cyrus fans).

Revenge of the Durannies

John Taite,

Do you want a good kick in the balls, or what? Oh sorry, I forgot, you don’t have any, or you would have had the guts to admit the new covers album by Duran Duran is actually ‘really cool’, as reviewed in the June issue of More magazine. Thankyou is a work of tasteful genius and funky as hell — not to mention full on and inventive on songs like ‘White Lines’ and ‘9ll is a Joke’. So John, while you spend your time wanking all over posters of Oasis, Simon gets to shag Yasmin and pal around with Quentin Tarantino. Who’s the real loser now? Drive-By Killer, Alton.

Missing Manic

Finally, some mention of the Manic Street Preachers in your magazine. June RipltUp: ‘Manic Street Preachers guitarist James Dean Bradfield is currently recording with Therapy?’ You still haven’t printed anything about the missing Richey James.

He’s only been missing for four months. Maybe if it was a member of some second rate grunge band from America we would have saturation coverage. You’d think nobody in New Zealand has heard of the Manics.

A Sweet and Tender Hooligan, Invercargill (an excuse for a town).

Fatty No Redneck

For the following letter we will pronounce the name ‘Floyd’ with an over the top, mental patient’s accent: ‘Floyyyy Da.’ In defence of Fat Mannequin, and especially Will Hickman, the only things Eddie Vedder and Will have got common is deep voices, and good ones at that. What do you think William did, Floyd — go to a fuckin’ plastic surgeon and ask for his balls to be lowered?

Why not compare Will to other singers, such as [those in] Stone Temple Pilots and Crash Test Dummies, and other deep voice vocalists, instead of just the Eddie Vedder hang up? As for calling Will a fuckin’ redneck, for fuck’s sakes, Will couldn’t be a redneck if you gave him a book on how to be one. Knowing William for the last couple of years, you couldn’t meet such a great guy who gets on with anybody. He takes everybody for who and what they are, no begrudges. What I’d like to know is why you’ve got such a hang up on William, Floyd. What is it? Is it because he’s a heterosexual and he shot you down, or what? Right, that’s enough said about Floyd, who’s probably doing the rounds on a Chinese fishing fleet. I suppose I shouldn’t say things like that about someone who I don’t know — but then again, I don’t suppose Floyd knows William at all either.

I just had the privilege to hear the Fattys’ latest recordings. Look out for it New Zealand, ‘cause they’re fat excellent, fat brilliant and fat as. A Defender of the Fattys, Tawa, Wellington. PS: Life’s a plunge into the pool of destiny. Some of us will float. Some of us will sink. That’s just the way it is.

Schizo Frantic

What do you mean you missed Schizo-Phrenia playing at the Mushroom Ball? What an incomplete review, man (June RipltUp). ‘Sorry guys,’ you say. I’m no guy. I’m a gal,- pal. Shizo-Phrenia advertise: ‘Be there or be nowhere.’ So, in pursuit of a vegetarian feed, you missed a good, positive message show. I hope the music industry doesn't get the wrong idea about Schizo-Phrenia. Schizo-Phrenia is watching you Greg Hammerdown.

Skin Lizzie, Schizo-Phrenia, New Plymouth.

The End of the Rainbow

Sail the world, Sale forever, For a greener, more peaceful planet, Save the world, . Save the world, For peace and love, Could the world unite, For peace and harmony we fight;

Save the world, It’s the end of the rainbow, Now they are taking the pot of gold, Be told, It’s time, ‘Cause their heart is cold, Save this world;

I stick my finger up you filthy atoll, Up your atoll. Rayna Duncan, Auckland.