This World of Ours

Radio Record, Volume XII, Issue 28, 23 December 1938, Page 2

This World of Ours

6y

JOHN

GUTHRIE

Overseas poct’s Ode on a Distant Prospect of famous showman C. B. Cochran: "Is this the face that launched a thousand hips??? Said a German air officer cryptically a few days after the crisis: "‘Our air force brought us peace with victory; but our best allies were the people in charge of England’s A.R.P. arrangements," Christmas Rush PEGISTRARS of births, deaths and marriages reported last week that they were doing a brisk business in licences for Christmas weddings

and the Wellington registrar says that people planning to be married at Christmas should apply for licences early and not leave it till shortly before Christmas, thus causing a lastminute rush, One of the clerks told us last week that it nearly makes him sick, the way some of these Shristmas shoppers of. licences go on. There a poor chap is behind his counter, worn out by the day’s work, and all these brides and their grooms, banging on the counter for attention, thrusting and snatching and making a chap gct out all the different varieties in licences on. the shelves and trying them out... . ‘‘Have you got a yellow one,’’ they say (this chap reports), ‘‘I can’t bear blue. Well then, have you got ... what have you got? Let me see a green one. No green? No suntans? Good gracious, what sort of a place do you call this? Only blue? I shall never come here for my licence again.’’

Not a thought for the poor fellow ‘behind the counter, says this chap, no human feelings for his corns and on his feet all day, too; it makes him weep every time he speaks of it. Only thing that cheers him up ts when the bridegroom goes wistfully out after his bride with a funny wondering look in his eye. Take @ wonan shopping before you marry her, says this chap bitterly, and sce Nature in the raw. Horrid Verse JGR. TL. G. WELLS, who is also a famous rationalist, may visit New Zealand after his trip to Ausiralia.-‘Reeord’’ news item. (Aftcr FH. C. Benticy, a good distance after.) Asked by a booksy lass Why he was rational, Mr. H. G. Wells put down his glass. *"A chap’s got to do something, sweelie,’? he said, "‘and when he gets to my age he’s past being pational.’’ Bco fo you JoLLy news that a large-scale model of New Zealand is to be one of the outstanding features of the exhibition was released last week. Behind closed door, say the Press boys, in a remote shed accessible only along a narrow board-walk, modellers are feverishly making ready to build again the mountains of New Zealand beside Centennial Avenue. Though we have not peeped, the idea (we gather) is to have this largeseale model of the country with mountain ranges 25 feet high, and cities and towns with their principal buildings will be put in. No doubt all the. visitors to the exhibition will walk through this model of the countryside, so as a@ merry little touch. of realism. we suggest that the tourist chaps from abroad

should land up at the end of their walk alongside the models of their hotels on the map about five minutes after meal times and ask: "I say, can we get a bite to eat??? At these words the host will then pop out of the litile hotel and say, ‘‘Good Lord, you don’t expect to get anything at this hour, do you? The meal’s over five minutes ago. Where do you think you arc? Switzerland? This is New Zealand.’’ The tourist will then sit down and burst into tears while all the locals will laugh lke anything and shout ‘‘Gertsher!’?’ and probably throw a brick or two at them in derision as well. Thus will the bonds of Empire be drawn even tighter. Lawful Occasions A LEADING Palmerston North "bookmaker said that the notice from the Post Office threatening to cut off their telephones had left them more

amused than perturbed.-News atem. But, no bookmakers being allowed in New Zealand hy law, it seems the Government has now decided that it would be absurd to eut off the telephones of people who do not exist. "You don’t eut off your nose to spite your face,’’? a high legal authority told us, rubbing a hand over his own homely pan. **Still less do you eut off your nose to spite your face when legally you haven’t got a nose, if you see what I mean. There’s a nice issue bearing on this very point in Rex y. Crockett, 1665,’’ he said, fondling a book of Torts. ‘‘I’ll look it up for you in a moment if you’ll just wait half a tick while I put a ring through for a double at Trentham. "’ (Next week’s story: A leading poisoncr will comment ex~ clusively for this page on the "Drugs Act.’?) —