THE HORSE LAUGHED

Radio Record, 1 July 1938, Page 14

THE HORSE LAUGHED

And The. Rider Learnt The Proper Level — O; Mankind Is Ground | _ , «+ ATale of Misery. 5 5

By

ANNE

HOPE

JN this article, the "‘Record’s" woman contributor, Anne Hope, is back: on the job. She has been convalescing in the _country, and tells how she was taken for a ride by a horse with o mysterious name.

EW ‘ZEALAND: country towns are not what they used to be. In fact, most of them nowadays are literally ‘one-horse places whete the horny-handed farmers go about in streamlined limousines that make my poor husband’s city vehicle look like an amoeba for shapelessness. In some districts horses are so.rare (they tell. me) that the only people who remember riding them are the Hill Billies on the radio. All this ig very discouraging-particularly if you are a woman like me, who has longed to ride a horse ever since 1 started reading ‘Buftalo Bill" ’way back in the eighties. Not even Lady Godiva was more eager than | to imitate a Centaur. I remember how often Tony used to coax me ont tramping with him on the pretext he would hire a horse from a farmhouse on the way. There was one particu. jarly promising place with a paddock and five horses in front and Alsatian dogs round the verandah steps. ‘Tony reached the gate at the same time as the Alsatians, and lie panted back to explain to me that "it wasn’t any tse asking about horses there, they weren’t the sort of peop'e who would hire them out,"

So that all I got from my tramps to find horses were two large. calyes-wnever , a horse, I used te read horse books for consolation, went to Wild West pictures, and patted the heads of éity council Clydesdales in the streets. Occasionally I dreamt I won jump. ing contests at show meet-

ings, and woke sobbing and clutching at. the Tug : fringes under the impression it was a mane. ares Ber these frustrated longings are now. "of ‘he’ ‘past. A. few weeks ago I learnt, very forcibly, that the proper level of mankind is ground. This ‘was the way of it:1 fell il] of an over-tonsillated throat, and, ‘veeked 80. and pined during my convalescence that Tony -décided to export me into the country to recover, 1 went to stay with my cousin Mamie, who has a "metal axis" in’ Taranaki, The first thing I said to her was: "Mame, Td ‘like to get a horse." Mamie stared, "A horse?’ she gaped. "yh ‘To ride." , "Oh," said Mumie, and looked relieved--aimosr as though she had expected me to eat it. "Oh, well, there’s

Weed. He’s in the bush paddock. He’s very old and not used much, but he’s quiet and he'll do to learn on." . I was too polite to show disappointment. But I had hoped for a more lively animal, "Why do you call him Weed?’ I asked. Mamie just smiled mysteriously, NEXT day the farm boy brought Weed into the yard. He stood with his head hanging and one ley bent, as if he was slowly

ang steady concertballis (Oo tlie ground. He was a woolly creature, very dull of spirit. From the yard railing I looked down with disfavour. "Do you think it'll be too much for him to canter?" I asked Mamie. Mamie gave her jolly laugh. "Not Weed! Come on, ['U give you a leg."

"Good heavens." I answered sharply. "1 can climb him myself. easily." I hitched up the riding trousers I _had borrowed from Mamie’s husband and sauntered across the yard. I said: "Good old Weed," in a hearty voice, and ‘patted his. neck. ae Then, for the firsf dime, I felr a qualm. At a distance, Weed was just a‘ broken-down, despicable old moke. From _two feet away he was imposing. and bis feet were enormous. When I crowded near his head to be out of tanze ot his hind Jegs it oecurred to me Immediately that he could just as easily paw me down with his front ones.: Confidence began to trickle slowly away "Til get on now." I told the farm boy, who was watehing with his month open. And added: firiniy: "VU just have to steer him, I suppose?" : At that I gripped the.top of the saddle and put a tue in the stirrup. I heaved a little. (Contd. on page 3x.)

The Horse Laughed

-ANN HOPE RIDES (Continued -from page 14). ‘As I did so Weed swung his head. I saw the white of his eye flash, and was sure that he bared his teéth. "You're certain ‘he’s quiet? He ‘ won’t buck, will he?" I'shouted to Mamie. "No, he won’t buck," she answered with a,queer emphasis. Weed still looked as big and vindictive as ever. He sidled off as I heaved at the saddle again, and I went hopping after him with one foot in the stirrup. . [tz was then I learnt that by. far the most difficult part of riding is get’ ting on-and getting off. So fara I could: tell from that first lesson, the part in between. is just nothing at all. All you need to do'is wind your legs round the beast’s body and hang tightly on to the line of fur down the back of his .neck, Of course, Mamie believes you should sit upright and hold on the straps alone, but I didn’t reach the advanced stage. It took me 20 minutes to get aboard. I soon gave up the idea of pulling on the saddle, and tried running back and making a flying leap at Weed, as the ‘circus people do. . Weed seemed to resent it, and it hurt ‘my stomach. My second method of mounting was to climb on the yard railings and step down to Weed at my own good time. But Weed refused to stand still. I had no: alternative but to submit to ignominous method three of mounting. Mamie: gave me a leg up. I put-my foot in her hand and she jerked up, so that I nearly shot off the other side, Weed started to walk. "Are you holding him?’ I screamed. "Go on," yelled Mamie, standing back, "he’s yours," In a, flash I realised that this. after all was not my idea of heaven, "I. don’t want him," -I shouted. "Take him back." "You're all right," saiq the silly woman. "Just sit straight and hold the reins. Put him at a canter." "Don’t bother me with details, Mamie," I pleaded. "I don’t want to try moving. Just let me lie- here quietly and get the feel of things first. ERHAPS I spoke too hastily. Weed seemed to tinderstand, and on the instant he threw his tail and his hehd into the air and let out a frightful bellow... "Isn’t he behaving a little. oddly?" I asked shyly. "No, no," urged Mamie. "He wants to race." ‘ At these frightful words Weed began to claw at the ground with his front feet and make moaning sounds. I gave a cry of terror. ‘"Catech him!" I shrieked. "Grab the teins!* He'll: bolt, Mamie! I want to’ lan'd-at once!" Instead of helping, Mamie and the farm -boy burst out laughing. They must have scared Weed, because the front of him rose suddenly into the air as if an earthquake were beneath. Weed gave another terrifying roar Continued at bottom next column.) 1

ie a © aap: Sd ae id went prancing . round the yard by langhing . ~ Mamie helped. me. out. of. a pudille. ‘of mud in the yard. "Don’t Jet.him think he’s beaten you." she .panted. "Get up again and make chim fun." . "Li's your -seat, lady," volunteered the farm‘boy. "It frightens him."... I finshed hotly at this conntry can- | four, "These trousets are too big for me, that’s all." .I .murmnred, standing up and wiping away the mnd,.:, _ Mamie giggled, Thongh good-heart-ed. she is really a woman of very, little fecling-whereas I, at that: moment, was all feeling, , Jemoved with considerable digrtity: ro the house, despite a eurions sensation thar my legs were bandy. ,At.the door f theyweht struek me "Yon didn't tel m. why. he is called. Weed," 1 said, "Beranse he ren*s himself." snig-- ' gared Mutie, "Nbe was the only ‘one tu faugh.