PRESS SHEET!

Radio Record, 27 May 1938, Page 15

PRESS SHEET!

GORDON MIRAMS PRESENTS THE PROSPECTUS OF nh

om A TABLOID NEWSPAPER OF GIGANTIC PROPORTIONS

O the Gentlemen of the Stupendous Motion Picture Industry: — Stupendous Gentlemen: — This is the finest, most unique, most unusual, most smashing epic of a proposition that famous company promoter, Mirams, has ever pu across you. It’s a wow, a scream, a thrill, a mile-a-minute moneymaker destined to crash on to the pinnacle of fame and success, It will tear at your purse-strings und your heart-strings with irresistible human appeal, Thousands bave been wait. ing for it from the far-tlung, farfetched shores of India to the prairies of Peru. I ask you to send 10 cents by return mail toward the cost of producing the first issue of the first newspaper ever printed in your own language :- PRESS SHEET PRESS SHEET PRESS SHEET PRESS SHEET For One Issue Only For One Issue Only For One Issue Only For One Issue Only The ONLY newspaper ever printed in the Cinemad Language. Stupendous, Unhelievable, Remarkable, Ten Years in Production. PRESS SHEET 1! 1 1! It’s Trained Super Staff of Colossal Reporters will take you into the secret places of the Great. Its Special Correspondents, all graduated G-Men, will give you the Amazing Low Down on iHWigh T.ife. Lerewith please fiud specimen articles, Mats 15e. Manuseript of ori ginals, 1 dollar 20 cents (plus sales tax)!

POLITICIANS, SELL YOURSELF ! (Hditorial), POLITICIANS-you must put pep into the self-selling campaign! Try these ones. Contact your local milkman and hire a cow. Contact your local tatooist and have him tatoo the word "Guaranteed" on cow’s udder. Parade cow through main streets on Saturday night with Watersiders’ Band, and charge 10c. for close-up of cow’s udder. Take care the cow is not a Savage one. Use this stunt. There’s money in milk. Look at the fortunes some producers have made from exploiting Bali-water! Contact Old Men’s Home and are range with photographer to photograph abdomens of thinnest and fattest. Display prints on notice boards of local churches labelled "Before" and "After" respectively (or vice versa), with banuer caption, "Look What Honest Michael Did!"’--or (as the case may be), "Look What Old Adam Would

Like to Do$" Contact local Killers and have then bump off all newspaper proprietors. Remember: Savage is as Savage does f Or: It’s the Old Adam in us makes us want Old Adam for us! Hach of these slogans is a natural, Sell them! ROMAN SCANDAL Newsreelers Score Seoap., Rome, Vo-morrevy. (SOMPLAINING that his name wad billed under Hitler’s in "Giornale d'Italia," Benito Mussolini, Hurope’s Al Capone on a big scale, gave news» reel men the shot of their lives to-night when he cancelled his contract with Germany and moved treops over the: border. Oameramen are covering ali angles in this mightiest ree] drama of modern times, but there are fears of a censorship. Representations have been made to the Italian Government to delay the first bloodshed until technicolour supplies can be rushed to the front, NEW BATHROOM ibe Mille Lifts Taj Mahal to House Cast of 25,000 Bathing Beauties Agra, Caliente, The Day After. OILED by Sam Goldwyn in an at tempt to sign up the Sphinx for a publicity campaign, Cecil B. de Mille to-day secured screen rights to the Taj Mahal, old Indian showplace. This will serve as night club setting for Ces de Mille’s new super-musical-spece tacle of Mysterious Asia, "Harem-Scar-em." Leopold Stokowski has been signed up to set Omar Khayyam’s wellknown lyrics to swing music. Thousands of bathing beauties will frolie in the Ces pool. Mahatma Ghandi, India’s ace strip-tease artist, is scheduled to star. (Continued on page 45.)

VIEW OF EDITORIAL OFFICES. Provision 1s made for extensions. The asterisk marks Mirams’ office.

PRESS SHEET! PRESS SHEET! (Continued from page 15).

MARKETS CRASH §! Studio Heads Take It On the Chin. Wall Street, All Day. WANX of Hollywood’s biggest executives face stark, staring, soul-sear-ing ruin as markets flop below zero. Hardest hit is Rube Sourpuss, head of Magna Pictures, who has had to sell two of his yachts and four of his country mansions, Interviewed after the crisis, Rube said: "Say, boy, things are so tough in Hollywood these days

that Snow White is considering laying off three of the Seven Dwarfs. But this will not affect the production of Magna Pictures, Our schedule for next year will be bigger and brighter than ever before, and will include six supereolossal features,.eight road shows, ten side-tracks and eleven steam-rollers, all containing casts of epic proportions, Never before in the history of rhe world’s entertainment, ete, ete." Gamely facing up to the crisis are the small Blood-and-Thunder Studios which, for the sake of economy, are now producing their Western epies and desert dramas in sand-boxes on the studio golf course. It is impossible to tell the difference, reports state.

ROBESON’S NEW ROLE Doubles for Ex-2mperor in Political Drama. Geneva, Weeks Later. A. SUPER-SENSATION — occurred ~™" when negro star Panl Robeson appeared on the set of the big political drama, "Beleaguered," or "A King Without a Country," just as shootinz was due to start to-day, and announced that he had been commissioned to act as stand-in for ex-Emperor Haile Selassie, who was feeling off colour, Selassie’s business manager said that the change was strictly leagual. "Things look black for us now," commented an Italian member of the east afterward. EDEN WALKS OUT Tears Up Contract With Cabinet Productions, Ine. Whitehall, Now and Then. NTHONY EDEN, for many years Britain’s biggest heart-throb, tore up his contract to-day with Neville Chamberlain, Czar of Whitehall, and producer of several world-famous farces, including ‘‘Non-Intervention," a hurlesqne of the Spanish War. "He wouldn’t give me the parts I wanted to play," explained Handsome Tony to our representative, but denied he was going to set up in production on his own account, Tt is reliably reported that Chamberlain has approached Shirley Temple to fill the yvacaney, and, failing. her. Harpo Marx, To cement the new friendship with Mussolini, Chamberlain intends making a stupendous Italo-lnglish . travelogue. entitled "Lands of Pope and Tors." BY-ELECTION RESULTS. A SEVERE defeat for the Govern- "" ment was registered at East Dulwich, when Gracie Fields (Independent) topped the box-office popularity poll with a colossal fan mail of 80,000, thus giving the air to Lord Swinton, the other candidate, who received only two fan letters (Mr, Chamberlain wrote both of them), Gracie’s sweeping Victory is attributed to her theme song, "Tye Got a Bomb-Prooft Love Nest, But I Can’t Keep the Flies Out." At Stone-on-the-Henge, Mae West set up an all-time box-office record by grossing 6000 votes in excess of Lady Asquith. It is considered doubtful, however, whether Miss West will be able to keep all her election promises,

st NEVER BEFORE! NEVER AGAIN! Will You See Such a Soul-Stirring, Heari-Wrenching Display of the Launderer’s Art! Solve Your Clothes Problems---Send / Them to the 4 HOLLYWOOD BAG-WASH HOLLYWOOD BAG-WASH HOLLYWOOD BAG-WASH Pounding, ripping, smashing, tearing. ... Your shirt tails will be wrenched and torn by the mighty tumult of primeval forces, ... Your buttons will be smashed and crushed to dust as if by ai (Ctiant’s Hand. ... We will cut your singlets to ribbons and tie your pyjamas in knots.... Hvery vestige of form and eolour will be drained from your garments by the Cataclysmie climax of this mastadonic mael]strom. ... Cascading to glory on a tidal wave of creamy bubbles, The HOLLYWOOD BAG-WASH

UT Ee STOP PRESS-SHEET NEWS! Washington, Sooner or Later. GENSATION piled on sensation when President Roosevelt asked Congress to pass an emergeney Act barring Grace Moore, Columbia’s super song-bird, from reading the "Radio Record." "We must protect our national resources from foreign propaganda," stated the President. "I am going to ask Congress for six new battleships." EOTTTTTTTTATTTTTTTT TTT TT TTATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTEGT TAHT TT TTT TTT TT TTT SUAVEANULAONEVEQAGDEVELEGEEDEAEGSEOSODENDODGGOSUODEOUROEUEGEODEAIUDEA?==