UPPER HUTT AND LOWER HUTT

Radio Record, 18 March 1938, Page 13

UPPER HUTT AND LOWER HUTT

Sketch Plan-Front Elevation

By

NORMAN

McLEOD

ARLY in the summer of 1937 John Gordon, 1ZB’s auditioner, sat at his desk wondering gloomily if a sense of humour could be developed in announcers-were they born that way. If that was so, truly were they blessed of the gods, or so it would seem. He had a good team of bright New Zealanders, if only . Two laughing-eyed young imen, obviously in the rudest of health and spirits, burst through the halfopen door and suggested brightly they might make a

couple of announcers. Enter Upper Hutt and Lower Hutt, the answers from Providence. As John Gordon said,

"Lhey were a scream." Tver since, thousands of Aucklanders have won: dered whether W e llington’s two

sulubrious suburbs can be as lively as their human namesakes. ONS of a London doctor who came to New AZealand in 1922 to recover from war injuries, Peter and Michael, just entering their teens, went to the Auckland

Grammer School. Before he was in "longs," Peter was playing representative Rugby for Franklin County. Leaving Michael, for the moment, and to continue with Peter: Alma Baker, wealthy deep-sea angler, one day iooked at Peter through the teller’s cage at a bank and decided he was the right sort of lad to manage a rubber plantation in Malaya. The idea appealed, but Depression settled the business, and he next tripped across to a more important post for a Belgian concern at Pahang, which had a 1500-acre clearing in the middle of the jungle, manned by 400 natives, who had beaten up the previous Huropean in charge. At the end of six months he had reduced costs by 800 per cent. and became highly unpopular with his Tamils. Walking down the lines one day he heard uneasy mutterings, and, taking time by the forelock, "crowned" the leader. With fifty Tamils asking for similar treatment, it looked as if the Hutt might fall down on. the job, when the Be! gian owner of the outfit appeared from nowhere, branddishing, of all weapons, a cricket bat. The same bat restored peace and serenity. , One of his many adventures at Pahang was a motorbike charge at a black panther. Peter explains: ‘‘There was no room to turn round, so I slipped the bike into second gear and let him have it just as he was leaving the ground. All I know is that I didn’t look round for ten miles." With the rubber planting business now permanently settled by Depression, Peter dropped down to Port Dickson and joined a military service unit, formed to attract planters and Huropeans hit by the slump. He was later attached to the Gloucesters at Singapore, under active service conditions. : BAck to New Zealand in 1933, he bought a picture show, looked for gold in the South Island, but didn’t find any, tripped round New Zealand in a motor trailer for seven months, bought a farm and "walked off," sold motor-cars, tried the fishing industry at Mercury Bay in a launch that used 850 gallons of petrol in two months, and only caught about half as many fish; had a joyful reunion with Michael. just back from a seven-years’ vagabonding round the world ---and called at 1ZB. Peter is best known to Aucklanders for his competent handling of his "Slaps and Claps" session, one of 1ZB’s brightest efforts, which leads us to Michael, or the Lower Hutt. ‘THE Lower Hutt bas a statistical mind. He contributes his own biography thus: (Continued on page 3+.)

The Two Hutts (Continued from page 13.)

"IT spent my childhood sulking, [f was educated at 18 schools in four countries. In my early manhood I had expectations of making my fortune 91 times a year. These expectations, however, have been decreasing at the rate of 10 a year, while a number of doubts have been arising at the rate of 21 a year. So that early next year I shall be a cynic. "I have had four illnesses. Once I had mumps, which enabled me to hold up one shipload of people for 75 hours. Although I need eight hours’ sleep a night, the number of hours I have Slept in 26 years has been only 71,1753. "T have had 31 jobs, 29 of which became monotonous. "If all the vessels from "which I have consumed refreshment were placed end on end, they would cover the sum of the routes of Imperial Airways, with two over; and if all the smoke from the tobacco. I have bought could be utilised, it would constitute an ideal smoke-screen round the American Continent. The amount of money I’have earned is £957/11/93, but the amount of money I have spent is £10,357/13/2. The deficit is accounted for by what I owe and what people thought I earned, "To change the subject to a happier note, I have winked at girls five times, three of which have been a mistake. Modesty forbids further qualification, "Among incidents I haye chosen to remember are :-- "Being robbed of £50 in & Melbourne hotel lavatory; being shot at in Rockhampton; playing football with black bread in the Paris Palais de Justice; swimming among fresh-water crocodiles; eating raw mince meat in an aeroplane; boring Tallulah Bankhead; massaging the legs of a Russian ballet dancer; being invited to fight by angry Italian heavyweight boxer (invitation not accepted); yodelling with a gigolo, and perishing with thirst, "T have driven myself 29,793 miles, and sleep-walking has taken me 821 feet. ""T have an unreasonable dislike of seeing women turn round in the streci to look each other up and down. cornet playing, being overtaken by a Ford V8, picture intervals, salmon-coloured Neon lights, contraltos, continued dancing, speeches of welcome, and not enough butter on cafe tables. "Approximately, that’s me-Tower: Hutt." ca ' y