What the Engineer did to Hell

Radio Record, Volume V, Issue 44, 13 May 1932, Page 8

What the Engineer did to Hell

NE day three men-a lawyer, 2 doctor, and an engineer-ap-peared before St. Peter as he stood guarding the Pearly Gates. The first man to step forward was the lawyer. With confidence and assurance he proceeded to deliver an eloquent address which left St. Peter dazed and bewildered. Before the venerable Saint could recover, the lawyer quickly handed him a writ of mandamus, pushed. him aside, and strode through the open portals, Next came the doctor. With impressive, dignified bearing, he introduced himself: "I am Dr. Brown." St. Peter received him cordially. "TI feel I know you, Dr. Brown. Many who preceded you said you sent them here. Welcome to our City!" The engineer, modest and _ diffident, had been standing in the background, He now stepped forward. "T am looking for a job,’"’ he said. St. Peter wearily shook his head. "T am sorry," he replied: ""We have no work here for you. If you want a job, you ean go to Hell." — The response sounded familiar to the engineer, and made him feel more at home. "Very well," he said: "I have had Hell all my life, and I guess I can stand it better than the others." St. Peter was puzzled. "Look here, young man, what are you?" "T am an engineer," was the reply. "Oh yes," said St. Peter; "Do you belong to the Locomotive Brotherhood?" "No, I am sorry," the engineer responded apologetically; "I am a difterent kind of engineer." "T do not understand," said St. Peter. "What on Earth do you do?" The engineer recalled a definition, and calmly replied: "I apply

mathematical principles to the control of natural forces." This sounded meaningless to St. Peter, and his temper got the best of him. "Young man," he said, "you can go to Hell with your mathematical principles and try your hand on some of the natural forces there!" "That suits me," responded the engineer. "I am always glad to go where there is a tough job to tackle." Whereupon he departed for the Nether Regions, And it came to pass that strange reports began to reach St. Peter. The Celestial denizens, who had amused themselves in the past by looking down upon the less fortunate creatures in the Inferno, commenced asking for transfers to that other domain. The sounds of agony and suffering were stilled. Many new arrivals, after seeing both places, selected the Nether Region for their permanent abode. Puzzled, St. Peter sent messengers to visit Hell and to report back to him. They returned, all excited, and reported to St. Peter: "That engineer you sent down there," said the messengers, "‘has completely transformed the place so that you would not know it now.. He has harnessed the Fiery Furnaces for light and power. He has cooled the entire place with artificial refrigeration. He has drained the lakes of brimstone and has filled the air with cool perfumed breezes. He has flung bridges across the Bottomless Abyss and has bored tunnels through the Obsidian Cliffs. He has created paved streets, gardens, parks and playgrounds, lakes, rivers, and beautiful waterfalls. He has built beautiful homes and-he has installed radio sets which relay the musie from the Heavenly. Choir! That engineer you sent down there has gone through Hell and has made of it a realm of happiness, peace, and industry!" i ZR Dod dL dL Ld ddd leh deed de Acad Aerdardhen Dron Aether atherdherdeahoakorherhertendonkad