Wit and Humour

Radio Record, Volume III, Issue 46, 30 May 1930, Page 37

Wit and Humour

"The Improved Style." "Change here!" cried a new porter at Auckland suburban railway station as a train came in, "Changeer for Franktontemzeraramo." The stationmaster standing near reproved him. ‘"Haven’t I told yur before," he said, "to sing out the hames of the stations clearly. and distinctly? Bear it in mind ; sing them oyt, d’ye hear?" ° "I will, sor," replied the Irish porter, And the passengers who arrived in the next train were considerably astonished to hear the new official singing: "Sweet dreamland faces, Passing to and fro, Change here for Frankton, Thames and Aramoho!" Badly Bent. A man had just visited the zoo for his first time. Upon seeing a carnel he exclaimed: "My, but that hotse is warped." Should Ask for Carrier Pigeon. It was a cold February morning -and the sheriff had gone to the cell of Mose Jackson, who was to be hung the next, day. "For your last meal you can have anything you want and as much of it as you want," said the sheriff. "What would you like, Mose " "Ah believe Ad’d lak a nice watermelon," replied Mose. "But watermelons won’t be ripe for six months yet," said the sher "Ah kin wait, boss, Ah kin wait," replied Mose eagerly.

Life’s. Little Peculiarities. Call a woman a chick and_ she smiles; eall her a hen and she howls. Call a young woman a witch and she is pleased; call an old woman a witch and she is indignant. Call a girl a kitten and she likes it; call 4 woman a cat and she hates you. Women are queer, Call a’man a gay dog and you flatter him; cali him a pup, a hound or a cur, and he tries to alter the map of your face. He won’t mind being called a bull or a bear, but he resents being called 4 éalf or a cub. Men are queer. ~ Coming. They had: just become erigaged, "I Shall love," she. cooed,: "to share all your gtiefs and trowbles." "But, darling," he purred, "I have none. "No," she agreed, "Hut I mean when we are married." Informed. Why, it’s a wonder the old soul can masticate ’er food at all. She’s only got one tooth at the top an’ one at the bottem-both jn front, too." "Dear. me,. Mrs. ‘Tripp, sort of central ’eating, then."

Adding to it. Judge: I notice that in addition to stealing this money you took a quantity of valuable jewellery. Prisoner: Yes, sir, I was always taught that honey alone does not bring happiiiess.