In Lighter Vein

Radio Record, Volume III, Issue 34, 7 March 1930, Unnumbered Page

In Lighter Vein

Hands Tied. LD Mose Parker was pretty sick, . tu d the darky doctor promptly put him tu bed and laid down all sorts of rules and regulgtions as to sleep and diet. After he had gone, Mose turned to his wife and complained: _ "Mandy, how does dat dere fool docter reckon ah’s gwin to eat breast ob chicken ebery day if ah ain't got mah ebening'’s free?" Two Triers. There was one person Smith did not wish to see, and that was Brown, So naturally Brown was the first person *he met on going out. "Ah, here you are, Smith!" said Brown. "Now what bout that five -pounds you owe me? I’ve asked you for it four or five times." "Yes," replied Smith. "But think how many times I had to ask you for It in the first place." A New Game for Toby. he golfer had made a perfect shot over the crest. As the ball rolled on to the green a small dog dashed forward and seized it. When the golfer cameé in sight he was furious and waved his arms excitedly. "Put it down, Toby," said the dear old lady who owned the dog. "The kind gentleman will hit it for you again." ts —

Unkind. "Now, this is really too kind of you," began the wealthy relative to the little daughter of one of her poor relatives. She took the parcel from the girl's hand and began to upwrap the birthday gift. "T wonder what it cun be?’ she hazarded, with a smile, "It’s a fish," declared the child. "A fish?" echoed the other. "Yes," confirmed the little girl, innocently. "Daddy said it was a sprat to catch a mackerel." No Exeuse. Prisoner: It’s hard to charge me with forgery, for you see I can’t even sign my own name, Judge: That point is immuterial: it’s another man's nume you’re accused of signing. Flattery, Two learned doctors were talking. After examining an X-ray photograph of a man’s lungs. one said: "Good ‘photograph, isn’t it?’ "Flatters the left lung a little," said the second.

The Reprimand. The cadets were lined up on the field for inspection and as the commandant strode down the line he stopped suddenly before one young man and said: "You remind me a great deal of General Grant." . "Really, sir?" responded the cadet, eagerly. "Yes, he didn't shave, either !" Absurd. A terrific clatter was heard coming from the kitchen. "Horrors!" exclaimed Mrs. Smith. "What is that noise?" "Sure, Mum," came the voice of Bridget, the maid, "you don’t expect me to break six plates and two dishes without any noise." Consoling. A medical professor asked his class "if a patient swallowed a heavy dose of oxalic acid, what would you administer?’ There was silence, and finally one of the younger students murmured, in answer, "Spiritual consolation." A Family Resemblance. The teacher was examining Johnny’s homework. "Johnny." she said, "this looks suspiciously like your sister’s writing." "Yes?" queried Johnny. "Well, miss, you see I used her fountain pen."